Author: Big Mama

  • Silver belle

    Gulley and I have taken the kids on a little road trip this week, so I’m going to rerun some of my personal favorites. I’ll be back next Monday. Y’all have a good week.

    Oh, and I’ll also have a few new posts up on Allaccess if you want to head over there.

    **This post was originally published November 29, 2007**

    On Tuesday, Caroline and I met Mimi and Bops at Luby’s for lunch. We always meet at Luby’s because Bops is a big fan of the cafeteria in spite of that fact that he isn’t 85 and has all his teeth. Caroline loves Luby’s because she can get Jello which for her is one of the major food groups.

    York Peppermint Patties for breakfast and Jello for lunch. We are an organic household.

    Except I will tell y’all that the other day, when we were at HEB, I asked her if she wanted to get a donut and she said, “No thank you, I’d rather have a carrot.” So we’re having her DNA tested later in the week.

    While we were at Luby’s, Mimi pulls something out of her purse and hands it to me. It’s a page from the Neiman Marcus Christmas Book. And look what it features.

    Is it just me or does that look a whole lot like this?

    That’s what I thought.

    And this isn’t just any jacket being sold at Neimans. It is a Juicy Couture jacket designed exclusively for Neimans and is featured as one of their HOT 100 GIFTS in this year’s book.

    It retails for $400.00.

    SHUT UP.

    The Neiman Marcus Christmas Book is like hallowed retail ground. It actually featured his and her jets one year. And between you and me, P and I weren’t that impressed with them after they were delivered.

    So, of course I had to call Nena and let her know. I called her around 1:00 p.m. yesterday because if I called any earlier than that there’s a high probability that Granddaddy would have answered the phone saying “SEVENTY-SIX DEGREES!” and then hung up on me when he realized it wasn’t someone from the local news station calling as part of their daily contest to see who just watched the weather report.

    When she picked up the phone we exchanged the normal pleasantries and then I said, “Nena, I got the Neiman’s Christmas Book in the mail today.”

    “OOOH HONEY, YOU DID? GOOD FOR YOU!” (Do y’all see why a version of her jacket being in THE BOOK is going to blow her mind? She was just thrilled I got THE BOOK in the mail.)

    “Yes, I got it and you won’t believe this but they have a silver sequined jacket that looks almost just like the one you showed me. It’s one of their HOT 100 items and it costs $400.00.”

    “FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS? HONEY, LISTEN, I paid $5.00 for mine. I can’t believe it’s in the Neiman’s Book. I JUST CAN’T BELIEVE IT! OOOH you have MADE MY DAY!”

    “I know. You could probably sell yours and make some money.

    “OH HONEY, LISTEN, I am not going to sell my jacket. I’m going to wear it shopping! So most importantly, what is the model in the picture wearing with her jacket? I just need to know what to wear with it.”

    “She has on black jeans.”

    “BLACK JEANS? Well HONEY, LISTEN, I don’t know about BLACK JEANS.”

    Which I actually think is a good call by Nena. BLACK JEANS are precarious fashion territory.

    Neiman’s might want to listen to her because she is obviously ahead of the fashion curve.

    Not to mention she saved $395.00 by finding that jacket in the back of her closet.

  • A celebration to last throughout the years

    On Sunday, we celebrated Caroline’s birthday by going out to breakfast and letting her order Happy Face Pancakes because everyone knows that what pancakes covered in syrup really need are about eight dollops of whipped cream. You can’t neglect the dairy portion of the food pyramid.

    The rest of the day was spent dressing and undressing various Barbie dolls in a vast array of wardrobe selections. Caroline would struggle to get a pair of tight pants on Bikini Beach Barbie (heaven knows she hasn’t worn pants in years) as I sat on the couch and did my best Tim Gunn impression calling out “Make it work”.

    That evening we had Mimi and Bops over for dinner and I baked a lemon cake so that Caroline would be able to blow out some candles on her actual birthday. As she ate the cake she kept saying, “Oh, this is really a delicious recipe.”

    So, I’m not sure if she turned five or eighty-five.

    img_5039.jpg

    (By the way, that’s not a beer in the koozie. It’s Minute Maid Pink Lemonade. No beer drinking until she’s six.)

    Then, yesterday, we had a pool party. Bless her heart, she’s like her mama and has an August birthday. When you live in Texas that means you are required by law to have a pool party. It’s either that or invite guests over to sit on blocks of ice.

    Anything else is inhumane.

    I knew we had to make a decision regarding Gigante, the loveable unicorn pinata. Was he going to get a stay of execution or was he headed to the recycling bin on Wednesday?

    I called Caroline into the kitchen and asked what she wanted to do. She showed no mercy. Gigante was going down.

    So she stood there as I dissected him from the top to fill him with assorted candy. We stuffed his belly full of Nerds and Dum-Dum suckers and taped him back up.

    When I tried to move him closer to the back door, I realized he now weighed approximately seventy-eight pounds. I lifted a silent prayer to heaven that the rope would hold him because nothing ruins a party mood faster than a gigantic unicorn hurtling to the earth and frightening small children.

    P came home to help me get everything ready for the party and I told him that Gigante was pretty solid. In fact, I was worried that the kids might not be able to break him open despite repeated beatings. So P took a butcher knife and stabbed Gigante a few times in the chest just to weaken him a little bit.

    It was just like that scene in “Gladiator” when Joaquin Phoenix stabs Russell Crowe with that knife before they go out into the Colosseum to ensure that he wins the fight.

    Except we were going to the pool.

    And it wasn’t really that dramatic.

    The party started, the kids swam and then it was time for birthday cake.

    img_5049.jpg

    img_5061.jpg

    After everyone was all hyped up on sugar and food coloring, it was time to let them unleash some energy on the pinata.

    Despite P helping our odds for a quick demise, Gigante hung in there.

    Literally.

    In fact, my twelve-year-old nephew finally had to step in and finish the job.

    And even then, this is what he looked like.

    img_5088.jpg

    All he lost was an appendage. Fortunately, the candy came falling out anyway.

    But once P lowered him to the ground, the birthday girl got a hold of him.

    trophy.jpg

    We’re thinking about hanging him on the wall next to P’s ten-point buck.

  • Hey nineteen

    I don’t want y’all to think that I spent my entire weekend singing weepy versions of “Sweet Caroline” and “Sunrise, Sunset”.

    Because while, yes, there was some of that, I was also fortunate enough to overhear this exchange between two college-aged guys while waiting in line at the pool grill.

    “Dude, what are you doing tonight?”

    “Man, I don’t know. It’s Saturday night. I just bought a new pair of shoes. The possibilities are endless.”

    Oh, nineteen. What a sweet age.

  • Five years ago today

    Dear Caroline,

    Every time I looked at the clock yesterday, I thought about where I was five years ago.

    I remember every moment of that day more vividly than any other day of my life. Waking up with what I thought was a stomach bug and realizing it was actually contractions, calling the doctor to ask when I should go to the hospital, frantically unpacking box after box in the kitchen because the countertops had just been installed the day before, Daddy driving me to the hospital, and Nurse Louise.

    Nurse Louise is the reason I almost experienced natural childbirth despite the fact that my birth plan clearly stated I wanted an epidural sometime around my seventh month of pregnancy.

    I finally got my epidural around 1:00 a.m. on August 3 when I was ten centimeters dilated. I felt immediate relief and called for my lipgloss.

    You come by your love of any type of lipgloss honestly.

    At 2:24 a.m. you made your grand entrance into the world the same way you’ve lived every day for the last five years; on your own timetable, tiny yet feisty, and wide-eyed as you took in everything around you.

    Five years ago today, my heart was so full of love for you that it almost seemed too much to bear. I had no idea how much more I would grow to love you as I watched you turn into a unique little person.

    Yesterday morning, we sat out on the back porch and I blew bubbles so that you could run around and pop them. We’ve done this for the last four years, but it seemed especially poignant to me at that moment. As you ran around, I asked you what you thought was going to be the best part of being five.

    You looked right at me, like you weren’t sure how anyone could be so dense, and said, “BEING FIVE!”

    And then you told me that my breath smelled like the circus.

    I’d like to think it was a compliment, but since we were just at the circus a month ago, I feel pretty certain it was not meant as a positive thing.

    This past year, you have turned into a true little girl right before my eyes. Yes, you’ve grown about four inches taller, but it’s also the way you act, the way you think, and the things you say.

    The other morning I opened my eyes to see you staring at me with a big smile on your face. You said, “What’s on our AGENDA today, Mama? Do you know what an AGENDA is? It’s a list of things to do.”

    I assured you that I knew what an agenda was, but Mama was going to need some caffeine before I could provide an itinerary for the day. You can’t help that you’re a morning person, it’s a genetic trait you inherited from Daddy.

    You’ve reached the point I had long dreamed about and actually enjoy going shopping with me. I hear so much of myself as you pull out a skirt from the rack at Gap, give it the once over, and murmur to yourself, “I’m not too crazy about this” while you shake your head.

    It’s like looking in a mirror.

    Five seems like the end of an era. Maybe it’s because I know that in just three short weeks, I’ll walk you into your Kindergarten classroom.

    That walk down the hallway will be the first of many steps that will lead you into your own world.

    And you’re ready. You are more than ready.

    Daddy and I have prayed so many things for you since before you were born and, true to form, God has done more than we could have asked or imagined. You are a light in this world, not just to us, but to everyone who meets you.

    You are our bright star and we’ll be cheering you on every step of the way.

    Last night as I tucked you in bed, I gave you a kiss and said, “Just think, that’s Mama’s last four-year-old kiss!”

    You put your little hands on either side of my face, pulled me back down to you, kissed me softly on the cheek and said, “That’s a four-year-old kiss that you can keep forever, Mama”.

    And I will. I’ll keep it forever.

    I love you more than you’ll ever know.

    Love,
    Mama

    img_4947.jpg

  • This is why I should never be alone with the remote control

    Oh.

    Hi.

    I bet you clicked over here expecting to see a Fashion Friday post. It would appear that I have, once again, fallen off the Fashion Friday wagon.

    Truly, I had every intention of answering a few questions. I even went so far as to begin some research on the internet.

    But, you know what they say, the road to Fashion Friday is filled with good intentions.

    The trouble began when Caroline decided she wanted to spend the night with Mimi and Bops. Mimi arrived to pick her up at 1:30 and I didn’t even wait for her suitcase to get loaded in the car before I jumped in my car and headed to my new favorite boutique.

    Plus, P left on an overnight fishing trip.

    I was in my house. All by myself. In charge of the remote control.

    Here’s how my evening went:

    5:00 p.m. Arrived home from shopping. Was actually empty handed in spite of the fact that the lady at my new favorite boutique offered to give me 25% off a beautiful shirt. What was I thinking when I walked out?

    Clearly, I was delirious from all the freedom.

    5:30 p.m. Checked email and Twitter. Looked at Fashion File Inbox to see what questions I should answer for Fashion Friday.

    6:00 p.m. Stomach starts to growl. Called in an order for a crispy beef taco plate from one of my favorite Mexican food places. Okay, I also ordered a big tostada covered in chile con queso.

    Giddy with the freedom.

    Must celebrate by eating a lot of cheese.

    6:37 p.m. Ate delicious plate of Mexican food. Whoever said “Food isn’t love” has never eaten a really good crispy taco plate.

    6:48 p.m. Started the DVR to watch the latest “Project Runway”. I’m pretty sure the winning dress was the same one I wore to Homecoming in 1986.

    7:52 p.m. Picked up computer to get down to the business of perusing the internet for fashion solutions. Decided to flip through the channels just one time. Lo and behold, “Sweet Home Alabama” was on. I can’t turn off anything starring Reese Witherspoon.

    Or Patrick Dempsey, for that matter.

    Other movies I can’t turn off if they are on T.V. include “Gone With the Wind”, “Steel Magnolias”, “The Philadelphia Story” (the one with Katherine Hepburn and Cary Grant), “Coalminer’s Daughter”, “Lucas”, “Breakfast Club”, “Pretty in Pink”, and “Giant”.

    I’m sure there are others but I can’t think of them right now.

    9:06 p.m. “Sweet Home Alabama” ends and I wipe away a few tears. It gets me every time because I am a big sap.

    9:08 p.m. Open computer to check email and get down to the serious business of writing Fashion Friday.

    9:14 p.m. Check the T.V. again and discover “Smokey and the Bandit” is on.

    Well, how can I turn off the Bandit?

    People, I am only human.

    10:00 p.m. Back to the computer. Must write. Must heed the fashion emergency call.

    Decide to read a few other blogs first just to get in the writing frame of mind. And while I’m searching the internet, I might as well take the time to respond to some email.

    10:30 p.m. Turn T.V. back on just for the background noise.

    “The Holiday” is on and that part at the end where Jude Law is crying because Cameron Diaz just left for America? I must watch it.

    I have no willpower.

    Thus, I have no Fashion Friday post.

    But, hey! Now I’m wondering, what are the movies that you can’t turn off if they are on T.V.?

    And don’t be embarrassed if it’s a Lifetime made-for-television movie. I have been known to indulge in more than a few movies starring Tori Spelling or Tiffani-Amber Thiessen back before she became a serious actress and dropped the hyphen and the Amber.

    I’m not proud.

    I just feel like I need to be honest.

    Y’all have a great Friday!