My beloved Aggies are playing Missouri today and obviously, if y’all have been paying attention, they are going to need all the help they can get. So, let me present today’s cheering section.
This is Caroline with her partners in crime, otherwise known as Gulley’s boys. They are the fightin’ Texas Aggie classes of ’25, ’26 and ’28.
We might not win the game, but at least we look cute.
I am all tapped out at the moment, so here is my Friday six. I’ve also had to edit this about five times for various grammatical errors, so obviously my brain isn’t working at full capacity.
These are the things that are on my mind right now. I’ll warn you that it isn’t very exciting or necessarily interesting, for that matter.
1. Caroline is on a new diet that I’m going to call the “cocktail hour diet”. It consists of about five olives and a handful of peanuts eaten once daily. She’ll also throw in a few sweet gherkins for a little variety.
2. Is it just me or have you ever been trying on clothes in Banana Republic and wished that you had some tweezers in your purse? I don’t know what it is about the lighting in there, but everytime I’m in one of their dressing rooms, I marvel at how many stray hairs remain on my brow line.
3. Jeffrey on Project Runway…guilty or not guilty?
4. In a fit of being Super Mama, I signed up to plan the Halloween party for Caroline’s class. Umm, yeah…I’m going to need some help with this one. Anyone have any great suggestions for a social event for 3 year olds?
5. In other Caroline school news, every Thursday is show and tell. She’s supposed to bring something that starts with the letter of the week. The only flaw with this being that she doesn’t really know what letter anything starts with, which leaves me frantically hunting down some appropriate item every Thursday morning (because really, why would I plan ahead?). Yesterday after ruling out an egg, I settled for Ernie because he travels well.
6. We were at the grocery store this evening and we had to go visit the lobsters in the tank as usual. Caroline asked if we could get one and I said no. She sighed and said “Maybe I’ll get one for Christmas.” Dream big, little one, dream big.
Y’all have a nice weekend.
This past weekend, Gulley went to her cousin Matt’s wedding. Matt is the only son of Gulley’s Uncle Glen.
Uncle Glen is one of the more colorful characters you will ever meet. He lives in a solar powered cabin that he built in the middle of nowhere and wears a belt with the name Russell on it because his Mama bought it for him at a garage sale. It is not inconceivable to think that the federal government may not know that Glen exists. Nena says he’s so odd because she cried so hard when she found out she was pregnant with him.
He really is one of the sweetest people ever. In college, he would always say “Boy, if I were younger I would marry one of you gals for sure.” We all loved him.
More recently, he has been dating a woman who apparently has some concerns about where he stands with God. In fact, Nena told us that Glen’s girlfriend called her and wanted them to all get together and watch (in Nena’s words) “a RELIGIOUS film” about the evils of drinking beer.
Anyway this weekend, the whole family was gathered together to attend the big wedding. Gulley said the photographer called the whole clan together outside the church to take a family picture. She said they were all standing together for the photo; cousins, aunts, uncles and Nena and Grandaddy.
The photographer snapped a few pictures and then Nena said, “Now get one of just me because I love this dress and I’ve never looked better.”
And that’s the memory that will really be the most important one of the day.
I believe that I have mentioned that I currently have braces on my teeth. Oh yes, yes I do.
Nothing really makes you feel more awkward than being in your mid-30’s and having to worry about one of your rubber bands shooting out of your mouth while engaged in adult conversation. So y’all will understand when I say that I feel like Ugly Betty is a little bit of a kindred spirit.
I had thought about getting braces for years. My teeth were pretty straight until I was about 18, and if y’all think I was going to get braces before going off to college, well you’re grossly overestimating the state of my self-esteem at that point in my life.
About 5 years ago, I went to the orthodontist (which is the Latin derivative for sadistic, cruel torture wielder of incredible pain) and took all the initial steps to make my dream of adult orthodontia come true, but I backed out. Then one night last October, I told P that I was going to do it. I made an appointment for the following Tuesday.
Little did I know that my orthodontist knew me well. The moment he got me back in that office, he slapped these metal torture devices on me so fast that it made my head spin. He knew that if he let me walk out the door without them, he may never see me again.
I called P on the way home and let him know I actually had braces on my teeth. Actually ON my teeth. P is known for his complete honesty in all situations and I gave him advance notice so that he could be kind to my already damaged psyche. He said he didn’t believe me at first, but then realized that while I was saying “I have braces on my teeth”, what he was hearing was “I hath bratheth on my teeth.”
Later that afternoon I had to pick Caroline up from school. I couldn’t have felt more self-conscious so my plan was to get in and get out fast. I walked into the classroom, waved to the teacher and picked up Caroline’s things. I looked at her and said “okay, let’s go” while keeping my mouth as closed as I could. She immediately looked up at me and said in her best non-indoors voice, “YOUR MOUTH, MAMA, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR MOUTH?” Subtlety…not so much the hallmark trait of 2 year olds.
One of the things that made me the happiest after going through the ordeal of having FOUR teeth pulled and metal spikes glued to my teeth was when people would say “Why did you get braces? I never even noticed that your teeth were crooked.” Which just goes to show how little other people notice the flaws that drive you crazy. I spent years thinking people were looking at me and thinking that I might have in a set of those fake Billy Bob teeth that you can buy at the convenience store. I guess that was all in my head. A fact that would have been nice to know a year ago.
Yesterday morning I had my monthly visit to the orthodontist’s office. I knew I was in trouble when he walked in and gave me a cheery “Hi Sport!”. He then proceeded to twist wires and teeth and use a rubber mallet to hammer something into place. A mallet…in my mouth. Needless to say, last night I gave myself a triple dose of Advil followed by a pain pill leftover from childbirth. Pain my friends, I am in pain.
At one point, I was so uncomfortable that I started biting down on something to help get through the pain. He had to tell me that it was his finger. Y’all know what? I wasn’t even sorry.
I am not going to even attempt to do a weekly recap of The Bachelor because 1. it’s a lot of pressure and 2. there is no way that I will do it as well as Lincee. However, after viewing last night’s episode, I am compelled to make a few quick observations.
1. I’m telling y’all that ABC has bussed in a whole truckload of crazy this time. The execs must be beside themselves with excitement that Prince Lo Bo is a poor enough judge of character to keep Erica. She can’t possibly be a real person, can she?
2. Did y’all see Lisa when Lo Bo talked about people who put love on some kind of time plan? I promise that her left eye started to twitch. Gulley’s Uncle Glen always says that you can tell someone is crazy if you can see the top and bottom of the whites of their eyes (i.e. the Runaway Bride from Georgia) and she certainly had a lot of white showing tonight. I’m afraid we might see Lisa go not a little bit nuts if her 5 year plan to marriage and babyville is thwarted. Hell hath no fury like a woman with a china pattern picked out by her first date.
3. I have had periods of my life where I have been known to be a little overserved, but never to the point of speaking a foreign language. Kim gets the award for “I Blew My Chance To Marry a Fake Prince on National T.V.” I’m willing to bet she was “sweating beads” again tonight while she watched with friends and family.
4. One of my top 5 favorite remarks of the night came from Desiree (yeah, baby) who in her words “has been single for a long time”. She’s 22. She could have never had a boyfriend in her life and not qualify for “single for a long time” status.
Thank you ABC for a classic night of television.
Yesterday my OCD tendencies were raging and I decided it was time to clean out my closet. This is a bi-annual event at the house of Big Mama wherein I give away any clothes that did not make it on my body for the season that is now over, and I sort through what remains of my wardrobe for the upcoming season. Fortunately, I had a helper.
Caroline is modeling a summer top with a fab winter scarf and a lime green bag that gives the outfit that extra something special. This is an indicator of how the afternoon went. She would pick and choose items that she thought needed to be on her body immediately and I would stop what I was doing to help her accessorize. Good times.
I made some interesting discoveries in my closet. First of all, I am the proud owner of no less than 16 black sweaters. I wish I could say that each one has distinguishing features, but really they are all just black sweaters with their redeeming quality being that they hide a multitude of toddler sins. Y’all would think that maybe I could weed a few of them out, but the answer is no because what if something happens to the other 15 and I no longer have a black sweater?
Secondly, I realized that while I proclaim to have no pack rat tendencies, I found this disturbing scene lurking in the far back corner of my closet. Just seeing it was enough to make me break out in a cold sweat.
Maternity clothes. Taking up precious closet space is an array of garments that can only be described as some of the ugliest clothing to have ever adorned my body. Why do I keep them? No, seriously I’m asking why?
I really do pride myself on being able to throw out the old, evaluate my wardrobe and think about what I need for the new season. It is one of the few things I do with this level of organization. In fact, it’s the only thing I do with this level of organization.
But I do have some things that I look at every time I purge my closet and I just can’t say goodbye. I’ll share them with you.
Denim vest circa 1991. This, at one time, was the crowning glory to every outfit I wore. My absolute masterpiece was a bandana print wrap skirt with a white t-shirt topped with this denim vest. I give that outfit credit for singlehandedly helping me get asked out on several dates in the early 90’s. The skirt is long gone, but I cannot say goodbye to this vest. It’s like an old friend who isn’t a good influence, but yet brought me so many great times.
Y’all might think that I would be ashamed to put on a garment that confirms that I was in college in 1992, but you would be wrong.
I’d like y’all to notice a commonality between this sweatshirt and the one featured above…they are both enormous. Can you guess why? Whoever guessed that it’s so I could wear them with leggings back in the early 90’s wins. Y’all can’t see the logo, but this sweatshirt was bought courtesy of my Daddy’s credit card (a little bonus I added while buying my books for the semester) back when there was still a Southwest Conference.
Now before y’all accuse me of being a Britney Spears wannabe, let me explain that these are a true family heirloom. They belonged to my Aunt Sandra when she was a teenager and while in the interest of privacy I won’t reveal how long ago that was, I will say that you can tell a true pair of vintage Levis by whether Levi has a capital E on the tag or not. If there is a capital E, then they were made before 1950. These have a capital E. They are one of my most treasured possessions and I don’t wear them anymore…well, not in public anyway.
So there you have it, the skeletons in my closet. In spite of my refusal to get rid of these items, I did manage to load up an entire box of other things. Caroline thoroughly enjoyed herself and kept asking me “how’re we doing with our teamwork Mama?” as she tried on EVERY single thing she could get her hands on, including this.
Does it make y’all wonder if maybe I really am Sydney Bristow?
*Does anyone know what movie the title of this post is from? No prizes will be awarded, it’s for pride only.
Select an online retailer below.
Select an online retailer below.
Select an online retailer below.
Select an online retailer below.
Select an online retailer below.
Select an online retailer below.
Select an online retailer below.
Select an online retailer below.
Select an online retailer below.
Select an online retailer below.
Select an online retailer below.