Another day

Well.

So let me tell you first that I had no idea my new canvas says, “…signing loud for the world to hear.” And I’ve had it up for a month. Don’t be jealous of my acute observation skills.

P always contends that I am the worst about noticing my surroundings and that I would be terrible if I ever had to pick a criminal out of a police line up. And now I’ve only confirmed his theory.

I guess the upside is if we didn’t already have an inside family joke about “signing loud for the world to hear”, we do now. Nice.

Here are a few other things you had questions about from yesterday’s post.

1. Mantle

So I talked about my new stockings and felt garland and then totally forgot to show you a picture.

2. Bible study

I had so many emails asking questions about Caroline’s Bible study yesterday.

I started thinking over the summer that I’d love to host a Bible study for Caroline and a few of her friends. Years ago when P and I were in youth ministry, I knew that some of our high school girls would do a Bible study for elementary school girls and that’s what I wanted because I think it’s invaluable for young girls to see girls who are just a few years ahead of them walking in their faith.

So I contacted a few of our friends who are in youth ministry and asked them if they knew any girls that might be interested and the same two names kept coming up. I contacted those girls and they were excited about it.

We meet every other week at my house. The high school girls prepare the lesson and we meet for an hour on Sunday afternoons from 3:30-4:30. This seemed to be the best time because most girls don’t have practices or games on Sundays.

It started off with only a few girls until we figured out if we could add more and now we plan to add girls as we move into Spring. I cannot say enough about it. Caroline and her friends love it and it’s perfect for us because we as much as we love our church, we live fairly far away and Caroline doesn’t go to school with any of the kids in her Sunday School class. This gives her a chance to connect with school friends in a way that’s different from sports or other activities.

If you’re thinking of doing something like this, I’d highly recommend contacting the youth pastor at your church or a neighborhood church or maybe a Young Life director to get some names of high school kids that might be interested in doing something like this. I’ve been so impressed with the lessons the high school girls have come up with for the girls each week. They’ve talked about being thankful, fear, being a good friend and having faith. Each week they do the lesson for about thirty minutes and then the girls just hang out for the other thirty minutes.

3. Couch

A few of you asked about my couch. It’s eleven years old and I bought it at a local furniture store that’s now out of business. I know it was made by Lee Industries. I had white slipcovers made for it about a year ago and even though they get dirtier much faster than I care to admit, I still love the way it looks.

And the good news is I can unzip everything, throw it in the wash with some Oxi-Clean and it looks brand new. Sometimes that lasts for longer than ten minutes.

4. Snowflakes

As for the snowflakes, it was a lot of trial and error. But we finally consulted Pinterest and found a post about how to fold paper to get the best shape. It’s right here if you want to check it out, but there are tons of ways to make snowflakes if you just search “How to make snowflakes” on Pinterest.

Then we started off using this website with snowflake patterns as a guide. We didn’t manage to achieve any that looked like this, but it gave us a good idea of how to cut and shapes that look good. We also used a single hole punch on some of them to get perfectly round cuts.

And then we hung them on the wall using scotch tape because we are very fancy.

I think next year I may want to decorate my whole Christmas tree with nothing but white lights and homemade snowflakes.

And that’s all I have for today. I was in a recording studio for eight hours yesterday recording the audio version of The Antelope in the Living Room and feel that I am out of words.

Which works out since I have no voice left.

See you tomorrow for Fashion Friday.

So I haven’t talked much about my second book.

But it seems appropriate to talk about it at Christmas time given that this is the picture that basically gave me the entire premise for it.

And, lo, an antelope of the Lord appeared and the glory shone round about him.

The next book is called The Antelope in the Living Room: The Real Story of Two People Sharing One Life.

Or TAITLR for short.

(Not really. I just made that up. Not one time until now has it been referred to as TAITLR.)

This is what the book cover looks like. I cannot even deal with how much I love it.

And this is the video trailer.

Let us never speak of those overall shorts I’m wearing again. It was a dark time called 1997.

Anyway, I just thought I’d mention it now even though it doesn’t come out until February 4th because it could make a great gift for someone in your life. Nothing says Christmas love and joy like “Hey, I bought you this book that you won’t get until February 4th!”

There’s even a free, printable greeting card that you can download and print to wrap up and put under the tree. Or in a stocking. Or wherever you put your gifts. The gift card can be found by clicking here and then clicking on the icon that says Download A Greeting Card.

It doesn’t matter where you buy it. It’s available for pre-order on Amazon, Barnes & Noble (it’s currently less than $10 at both of those places), and other major booksellers.

For more information and a list of all retailers, you can visit the official Antelope in the Living Room book page.

I hope you and your friends will have as much fun reading it as I had writing it.

I just looked at the ten day forecast because this is the time of year that I become even more obsessed with the weather than I usually am, specifically the Christmas forecast. And I hate to be the bearer of bad news for my fellow Texans, but it looks like no snow this year.

Which basically means it will be the same as every Christmas of my entire forty-two years of life, but I continually hold out hope that this might be the year.

To add insult to injury, it appears the high temperature on Christmas day might be in the mid-70’s and that’s just depressing no matter how you look at it. Maybe I’ll wear my festive Christmas shorts and flip-flops. Except I don’t own those things.

So I mentioned last week that this past weekend was the annual shopping weekend for Gulley and me. And it did not disappoint. In fact, I don’t want to brag (except I totally do) but we feel that we were more efficient this year than ever before. I believe this might be directly related to the fact we don’t have to make the arduous, time-sucking trip up and down the aisles of Toys R’ Us anymore.

That was one of our realizations this weekend. I mean, yes, we still bought a few toy-type items that I won’t list here in case Caroline decides to read this, but nothing we couldn’t find at Target or order on Amazon. We decided that future shopping weekends may just consist of us sitting on my couch, drinking wine and putting things in our Amazon cart to be shipped directly to our doorstep. Mainly because we’ll just want to see those drones in action come 2015.

But this year we were still old-school. We started at Starbucks on Friday morning around 9:00 and then made our way to Dick’s Sporting Goods for the first stop of the day. After that, we drove over to Bass Pro Shops.

I need a minute.

It’s not like I’ve never been in Bass Pro Shops because I have. But I think it’s been a few years because I was totally overwhelmed with the amount of merchandise. They have a carousel in the store. I don’t mean a clothing carousel, I mean a merry go round. It’s a lot to process. And while we were in there, someone commented on our accents and asked where we were from. You have to believe it’s a low point to be asked about your accent in Bass Pro Shops.

We left there for more familiar territory and made our way through Nordstrom, Pottery Barn, Banana Republic and Anthropologie, picking up things here and there. Then we ate lunch at Nordstrom because those fries with the olive aioli are as close to perfect as any food item you’ll ever have.

After lunch we made several more stops and then finally headed to Academy with the intent that it would be our last store of the day. We found a few more things and were waiting in line to check out when Gulley dropped her phone. We didn’t think much of it until we got in the car and she looked down to realize this is all she could see.

I’m not a smart man, Jenny, but I know what phone trouble is.

We tried all the solutions we know to try to resolve this issue. Which basically means we pushed the power and home button at the same time several times like that might help. But ultimately we realized there was no hope. Our friend Debbi said she had a friend at the AT&T store that could help and so we drove over there to get help and/or get Gulley a new phone for Christmas.

Gulley also realized she was going to have to become an authorized user on their AT&T account because it’s in her husband’s name. I would go into more detail about what this process entailed but then my head might explode all over again like it did on Friday night as I listened to her deal with it all. Here’s a letter I’d like to send to AT&T:

Dear AT&T,

Here’s a customer service tip. When a customer calls you, they are looking for customer service. Please do not use this opportunity to attempt to up-sell them to AT&T U-verse or internet. Especially when you haven’t even helped them with the reason they initially called. It’s bad business. Thank you for your consideration.

(I was especially sensitive to this because the exact same thing happened to me the weekend before Thanksgiving. If I want U-Verse, I’ll ask for it. But in the meantime, you can build consumer confidence by just fixing my problem. And I don’t mean to be rude, but I don’t want to small talk with you either. We’re not going to become friends and I don’t believe you’re genuinely interested in the weather in San Antonio.)

Anyway, Gulley ended up with a new phone because hers was beyond help. Saturday was basically a repeat of Friday but at different stores. We finally made it back to my house at 9:00 p.m. that night with food, presents, wrapping paper,ribbon and the sad realization that Trader Joe’s already sold completely out of Dark Chocolate Peppermint Joe-Joes for the season.

We turned on a Friends marathon, began wrapping all our presents, solved a lot of problems, analyzed Olivia Pope, and at 2 a.m. we literally wrapped it all up.

And now my tree has gifts to keep it company.

So the weekend was a win all the way around. P went hunting, Caroline spent it with Mimi and Bops, and Gulley and I had a great girls’ weekend that has the added benefit of actually being productive. And we’ve already got next year’s shopping weekend on the calendar because we don’t mess with tradition.

I wasn’t planning on posting another gift guide until next week, but then two things happened.

First, someone in yesterday’s comments asked about gifts for little girls.

Second, I had the most boring day known to man. I’d tell you about it but you would pass out from boredom before I even got three minutes into my day.

And so this will serve a dual purpose to possibly help you figure out a gift for a little girl and to save you from a bout of narcolepsy.

You’re welcome.

Also, while a couple of these things could also be given to boys, it’s mainly a list for girls because that’s what I know. Feel free to leave boy gift suggestions in the comments. And, for what it’s worth, any kind of Nerf weaponry is probably a safe choice.

Oh, and for you grandparents out there, never underestimate the value of giving your grandkids season passes to the zoo or a nearby theme park or something along those lines. Much like the jelly of the month club that Clark Griswold received, that’s the gift that’ll keep giving all year long.

Here are some other suggestions based on my extensive research in the form of Caroline’s Christmas wish list:

1. Glimmer Body Art Party in a Box Waterproof Glitter Tattoo Kit-Tickled Pink

Caroline got this for her birthday this year and loves it. There is power in a good glittery tattoo. There are several different kits with different color and stencil options.

2. Crayola Melt ‘N Mold Factory

I don’t know about this, but it’s on Caroline’s wish list. It appears that it melts Crayon pieces together and makes multi-colored crayons that look tie-dyed. Essentially it’s an Easy Bake Oven, but without the little cakes with the raw insides.

3. Syma S107/S107G R/C Helicopter – Red

Santa brought this last Christmas and it was the biggest hit of the year. This would be a great gift for boys or girls. Just be warned that if one of those propellors gets too close to your face, it smarts a little.

4. Kindle Fire HD 7″, HD Display, Wi-Fi, 8 GB – Includes Special Offers

The Kindle fire. This is a great option because it’s less expensive than an iPad, but has most of the same functions.

5. Loopdedoo Spinning Loom Kit

This is an alternative to the Rainbow Loom bracelets made out of rubber bands. Personally I like this better because it involves yarn instead of thousands of miniature rubber bands. But if the girl in your life doesn’t have a Rainbow Loom, then that might be the safer bet.

6. art supplies, canvases, and easel

Art supplies are always a great option. Caroline loves to get canvases with new paints and brushes. And Michael’s happens to have all that stuff on sale right now so you can stock up.

7. james avery charm bracelet

I bought this charm bracelet for Caroline’s first birthday and we add a few charms each year for various occasions. There are so many great charm options to choose from.

8. emi-jay hair ties

We love these Emi-Jay hair ties at our house. They make every ponytail prettier.

9. personalized notebook

I might like to have one of these personalized notebooks for myself.

10. Audrey Bunny

I don’t care how old the little girl on your list is, this book by Angie Smith is the sweetest storybook you’ll find.

11. karaoke system with disco lights

I was only going to list ten things, but then I stumbled across this karaoke system WITH DISCO LIGHTS. YES PLEASE.

Remember those catalogs that used to come in the mail with all manner of cheap, novelty gift items? It was like a Sky Mall Catalog before there was Sky Mall? They used to always have a disco ball in them and I cannot even express how much I wanted a disco ball for my very own.

I blame the Bee Gees and John Travolta.

I also found this mirrored disco ball. I can’t even deal.

This may get added to my personal Christmas list.

And so there you have it. Feel free to leave any other helpful suggestions in the comments.

I’m almost afraid to share what I’m about to share with you because I fear that it may ruin my reputation and make you think less of me.

I made a craft yesterday.

(Hangs head in shame)

It’s true. I didn’t mean to do it. The whole thing just kind of snuck up on me.

It all started last week when I was looking at various homes decorated for Christmas on Pinterest and a few blogs. And then somehow I ended up on a rabbit trail that led me to Edie’s blog and a tutorial she did last year on how to make a pom pom wreath.

And some glimmer of hope and optimism rose in me and I thought to myself, “I CAN MAKE THAT. I CAN MAKE THAT WREATH.”

(Side note: I was on the dance team in high school and we did a pom pom routine to Shake Your Love by Debbie Gibson. And because I am so odd, that memory came to my mind yesterday as I made the pom poms for this wreath and I cannot shake it. Get it? I cannot shake it. Love? Pom poms? Does it even matter at this point?)

I have no desire to write artfully on a chalkboard or replace all my normal dishes with hand painted Santa plates. I don’t want to try to keep fresh boxwood wreaths alive or deck my tree with real pinecones and cranberries. But for some reason I was drawn to that wreath like a moth to a flame.

So yesterday morning I got out to run some errands. I had to go to Target to return a frame I bought in the wrong size and ended up leaving there $100 poorer than when I walked in. Target, you win every time. Then I ran in HEB to pick up a few grocery items I didn’t want to buy at Target, specifically heavy whipping cream because the Market Pantry cream is just subpar. And, finally, I decided to just swing by Michael’s to look at some yarn and possibly a straw wreath because I couldn’t get that stupid pom pom wreath out of my head.

And that’s how I found myself walking up and down the yarn aisle, carefully evaluating the different weight and thickness and colors of various skeins. I was previously unaware that there were so many yarn options. It was a simpler time that I call Sunday afternoon.

But all of a sudden I was full of opinions and thoughts about all the yarn. I finally decided on a thick, homespun yarn because it appeared to be really soft, thick and fluffy. It was also 50% off its regular price. So I grabbed two things of it and then went in search of straw wreaths. There were a few times I nearly just walked out of the store because of all the faux cinnamon and abundance of crafting supplies, but then I spied the straw wreaths, grabbed one and made my way to the front of the store.

Even after I paid for my items and got them home, I wasn’t convinced I’d actually follow through. But then Caroline got home from school and it was a cold, rainy afternoon and so we turned on Elf and I began to make pom poms for my wreath.

I cannot even express how easy it is. Other than to assure you that the fact I was able to do it means you could essentially hand this project over to a group of orangutans at your local zoo and open an Etsy store less than twenty-four hours later.

Just about an hour after I started I had this:

I was so pleased with myself that I wanted to invite the neighbors over to look at it but that might have been overkill. Plus, the whole thing about crafts is you have to play it cool. That’s part of the schtick. “What? This wreath? I just threw that together with some old scraps I had around the house and some duct tape.”

Anyway, I just wanted to share my shame/pride in case you’re looking for a Christmas craft that is beautiful and doesn’t require etching the lyrics to Silent Night on the head of a pin. You can find Edie’s pom pom tutorial by clicking here.

And I’m already thinking I might make a few more of these before winter is over. I know. It’s like I don’t even know who I am.

Also, if you’re interested in seeing a plethora of homes that have been beautifully decorated for Christmas, there are two different Christmas tours of homes that I have been stalking. You can check those out here and here.

At some point I’ll share the rest of my Christmas decorations, but did you not just read about how I made a wreath with my own two hands today?

I have to pace myself.

I’m sitting on my couch at this moment with a fire in the fireplace and the glow of our Christmas tree lighting up the room. I also just at a Dark Chocolate Peppermint Joe-Joe. Life may not get any better than this.

(I tweeted about Peppermint Joe-Joes yesterday and several people asked what they were. I’ll tell you. They are the most delicious thing ever. I just discovered them at Trader Joe’s. It’s basically an Oreo with peppermint filling dipped in dark chocolate. It’s the holy trinity of cookiedom.)

We ended up waiting to get our tree until Thursday afternoon which worked out perfectly because a cold front blew through earlier that day and it just felt right to be bundled up as we searched for the perfect tree. Granted, a red and white tent on a major street isn’t as festive as a Christmas tree farm, but there’s also not a Christmas tree farm that’s only three minutes from our house. I’ll take that tradeoff.

There was much debate between a Frasier Fir and a Noble Fir. In the past we have always been strictly Noble Fir people, but then last Christmas we didn’t get our tree until five days before Christmas and the only one left that would fit in our living room was a Frasier. I was a little disappointed at first but then I Charlie Brown’d it and decided it wasn’t such a bad little tree after all. And so this year I was open-minded to making a permanent switch to the Frasier, but the Noble won out in the end because we found one that was too pretty to pass up.

Normally I feel like the day we get our Christmas tree is the day we are most likely to go see a marriage counselor, but this year we managed to keep our spirits bright. Maybe it was because I’ve finally accepted that a ten foot tree won’t fit in our living room.

We brought the tree in the house and set it in the stand and that’s when we began the process of trying to get it straight. It’s also when we discovered that a small Eskimo had fallen under it and couldn’t get up.

After we sacrificed a few lower limbs to get it straight and argued a few more times about what constitutes a truly straight tree, it was all ready to be decorated. (I just re-read the previous sentence and feel the need to clarify that I mean the tree’s limbs, not any of our human limbs.) But we decided to wait until the next day so I could spend a full four hours putting lights on it. I have Christmas light OCD. I’m not content to just drape lights around a tree. I have to weave them in and out in a configuration that will make me weep and gnash my teeth when it’s time to take the tree down after Christmas.

So Friday afternoon, after Caroline got home from school, we decorated the tree. Later that night she was invited to a party, P was at the ranch hunting and I sat and admired the Christmas tree as I watched Scandal.

On Saturday morning we went to my nephew Luke’s birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese. As of this writing, none of us have contracted the plague that I feel comes complementary with all Chuck E. Cheese experiences, but I’m sure there’s still time for it to happen. Caroline thoroughly enjoyed herself and won all manner of tickets that she wanted to cash in for valuable prizes, as long as you consider valuable prizes to be one Laffy Taffy and a small plastic lizard.

But I saw the long line for prizes and channeled my inner Bob Barker and played a little gameshow mind trick as I asked, “What if we don’t wait in this line to get Laffy Taffy and a lizard and drive through Krispy Kreme and get some donuts instead?” The price was RIGHT. SOLD.

Later that afternoon, P announced it was a good time to put up our outdoor lights. And so he bundled up and headed outside to start the process while I sat on the couch in the warm house and watched football. Then I started to feel bad that he was out there in the cold, but not bad enough to get off the couch. But, ultimately, I couldn’t let him do it all by himself so I put on two layers of pants, three pairs of socks, a scarf and a hat and went outside to help. Basically my help consists of cheering him on while he climbs up on a very tall ladder and occasionally encouraging him to test the electrical limits of the lights by joining more than three strands together.

However, I did make an executive decision this year. Once we take these lights down after Christmas, we are throwing them all out and starting over fresh next year. We’ve used the old school large colored bulbs for years now, but they are old and half the sockets are burned out and I can’t even tell you how many light bulbs we shattered during the whole process. Christmas lights have come too far for us to continue lighting our house using technology from the 1970’s.

On Sunday afternoon Caroline and I went to see Frozen and I cannot even express how much I loved it. Probably the best Disney movie that’s been out in years. It’s a sweet story with great music and perfect for this time of year.

And that was our weekend. Hope yours was good, too.