Just for fun

Y’all.

It is so cold.

I’m going to bookmark this post so I can look at it in July when I am totally over the heat and begin to believe I will never feel cold again.

Last night we all woke up at 5:30 a.m. (yes, I realize that’s morning to some people, but not to me) when the electricity went out. It was immediately obvious because our house was suddenly dead silent. P told me to call CPS to let them know the power was out and so I began the process of trying to search the Google for the phone number for CPS while half asleep. It went as well as you might expect. And was totally worth it after I spent the next thirty minutes getting a busy signal.

And then the power came back on and it was pretty much time to be up for the day. Aces.

P left to drop Caroline off at school and I headed to our church for Bible study right after I stopped at Starbucks for a bucket of caffeine in hot beverage form. All the women were talking about the power outages. One of them even let us know that she’d heated her curling iron using her gas range. You have got to admire that kind of commitment to hair excellence.

Anyway, it was at Bible study that I discovered our power had gone out due to a mandate by the blah, blah, blah commission for rolling blackouts to preserve energy. About that time P texted me to let me know our power was out again. I called him to tell him about the rolling blackouts. I’d share his response here but I think there are some impressionable youngsters that read this blog. The short, family-friendly version was something along the lines of “I don’t know why I pay for a service every month if I can’t count on it to heat my home during the coldest days of the year. Isn’t this America?”

The power went out about three or four more times throughout the day. The irony was I was finally able to live a version of “The Blizzard” episode of Little House on the Prairie, which has long been a dream of mine. And I’ll tell you, I don’t know how those pioneers did it because I’m pretty sure they didn’t have a Snuggie or Smart Wool socks. Or an iPhone so they could continue to check the Twitter and play Words With Friends.

I salute you, Ma and Pa Ingalls. I salute you.

Here are a few quick bullets before I go put on another pair of socks and find an additional blanket.

1. The weathermen are officially predicting between 1-3 inches of snow for Thursday night through Friday morning. If they are wrong, then I’m sending Caroline down to their television studios to confront them in person for sitting on their throne of weather lies. Hell hath no fury like a seven-year-old who thinks she’s about to see snow and ends up denied.

2. Some of you may remember that we got a new front door a while back. No, we still don’t have the promised piece of replacement glass for the window. We also don’t have any weather-stripping because he was going to do that when he installed the glass.

When I got home yesterday, P had taken our winter weather precautions up a notch.

For a free estimate on your very own Redneck Weatherstripping, just drop us an email.

3. When I went to HEB the other day to prepare for WINTER STORM 2011, I was delighted, DELIGHTED, to find these.

I hate to reveal my propensity to be a bit of a food snob, but one of my very favorite culinary treats when I was growing up was a chili-cheese sandwich made by my Nanny served with a side of taco flavor Doritos.

You may be thinking, “What is a chili-cheese sandwich?” and that makes me sad for you. A chili-cheese sandwich is Wolf chili from a can with a slice of cheddar cheese all melted together and served between two pieces of buttered wheat bread.

Over the years, I have attempted to recreate the sandwich with varying degrees of success, but it hasn’t been the same because they discontinued the taco flavor Doritos years ago. But now, OH NOW, my life is complete. Albeit in limited edition form. I can totally replicate one of my favorite childhood meals.

It’s too bad I can’t replicate my childhood metabolism.

4. On a television front, I read that NBC will start airing the final season of Friday Night Lights on April 15th. However, that will be 10 days after the entire last season is released on DVD so you could just buy the season and have yourself a viewing marathon. Which may be what I decide to do even though I’m so torn between excitement over seeing what happens and sorrow over watching the end of Coach and Tami Taylor. I love them so.

Also, I have decided that Brad the Bachelor reminds me of Forrest Gump. “I may not be a smart man, Jenny, but I know what love is”. I’m not sure what it is but he sounds like he’s reading off cue cards.

Finally, I continue to love this season of American Idol. I would like to know what products J. Lo and Steven Tyler use on their hair.

5. My feet are cold.

I just thought you might want to know.

Wishing you all a great day filled with electricity and taco flavor Doritos,

Melanie

I have sat here for the last hour and debated just posting one sentence that reads, “I HAVE NOTHING”. But that’s not entirely true. I have a few things I want to tell you but none of them are related to each other and I currently lack the skill and ambition to try to weave them all together like a random patchwork quilt.

Of course, technically, I guess you don’t weave a quilt at all. Which may be part of my problem.

So here are the pieces of the quilt that never will be:

1. For those of you who may have missed the announcement, I chose Half Broke Horses by Jeannette Walls for our first book. You can get all the details from the original post.

2. Don’t forget about the Red Letter Words giveaway. It ends Friday and you can enter by leaving a comment on my giveaway page.

3. I believe I’ve mentioned that I’m a huge fan of Ann Voskamp. Which is why I can’t wait to read her new book One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Where You Are. I have no doubt that it’s amazing.

4. Speaking of books, I’m going to give away a copy of my friend Gregg Matte’s book, Finding God’s Will: Seek Him, Know Him, Take the Next Step, next Tuesday.

I was going to do it today but then I felt like it might be like GIVEAWAYS AHOY and I’d get overwhelmed by all the choosing of the random numbers. So instead I’ll just create a buzz about it happening next week. I read this book in about two days and LOVED every word. It is just so, so good.

5. Is it just me or do I seem to know a lot of people who write books?

6. Yesterday I was driving Caroline to gymnastics. We just watched Princess Diaries last weekend and she asked me why the boy in the movie wasn’t very nice to Anne Hathaway’s character. (I can’t remember any character names. I apologize that I have the short term memory of a gnat, but can remember the words to a T.V. show theme song that I watched thirty years ago.)

Anyway, I explained that the boy wasn’t very nice and he only wanted to be friends with Anne Hathaway after he found out she was a princess.

Caroline said, “Oh. Well why did he do that?”

Recognizing a teachable moment, I replied, “Well there are some people that are like that. They don’t really care about you unless they think you can do something for them or if you have something they want. It would be like if someone was never very nice to you but then heard you had a cool toy and wanted to come over and play with it.”

“Oh.”

I continued, “It’s called using someone for something and you never want to do that. You should be genuinely nice to everyone no matter who they are or what they have. You should always look at what’s inside a person’s heart and not who they are on the outside.”

“Okay. Did you know kids eat free at Pizza Hut on Tuesday nights?”

I had no idea.

Obviously my lecture on human kindness made an enormous impact.

7. I just watched American Idol and was pleasantly surprised to find that I like J. Lo and Steven Tyler as judges. I thought he was funny and she was very pleasant and not at all diva-like. We’ll see how it goes as the season plays it but, as of now, I’m in.

Of course some of my fondness may be due to the fact that I once rode in an elevator with Steven Tyler at the Red Carpet Inn in Omaha, Nebraska and have considered him to be a friend ever since even though we didn’t say a word to each other. I was with Gulley’s stepdad, Big, and I think he totally intimidated Steven Tyler. Probably because he was two feet taller than him.

8. I’ve been meaning to mention this to my San Antonio and surrounding area peeps. Priscilla Shirer is going to be speaking here in town on February 25-26th at Alamo City Church. If you’ve heard Priscilla speak before then you know you don’t want to miss it. If you haven’t ever heard Priscilla, I will tell you DON’T MISS IT.

You can register for the event and find out more information on the LifeWay event page. It’s going to be so good.

9. We finally took down our outdoor Christmas decorations on Tuesday. And by “we”, I mean P. I was very busy pretending I had a lot of errands to run. This did not stop him from sending me the occasional text message that read “Seriously? You had to weave the lights in and out of the porch railing?”

He should know me well enough to know that my OCD is going to come out full-force when it comes to that kind of stuff. Obsessive disorders don’t take a holiday, the holidays only make them worse.

Feel free to put that on your Christmas card next year. It’s a tender sentiment.

Y’all have a great day.

Well, it’s sad times here at our house. P has been stricken by what appears to be the stomach bug that I’d thought we’d managed to dodge. As I sit here on the couch watching The Golden Globes and wondering if Sandra Bullock’s bangs are of the clip-on variety, he has been quarantined to our bedroom. I should probably go check on him but I’d hate to wake him up. Or worse, catch what he has.

However, I think we all know that once the stomach virus enters a home it takes no prisoners. Which is why I’ve been very careful about what I eat tonight since there’s a good chance it might end up on a list of foods that are dead to me.

The irony is that I really thought Caroline was coming down with something. On Thursday night she was completely congested and had that glassy look in her eye that is usually a harbinger that cold season is about to take you down. We were up several times during the night and I even offered to let her stay home from school on Friday, but she insisted she wanted to go because it was the end of the 9 week grading period and she was desperate for perfect attendance.

That trait skipped my generation.

After school on Friday she seemed better but we still laid low most of the weekend. It was rainy and cold here which is the kind of weather that just begs you to stay in your pajamas and be completely unproductive. And who am I to say no?

Late Saturday afternoon, Caroline had another basketball game. It brought me as much joy as the first one except they were playing a team of girls that seemed to have a little more experience. Which is my polite way of saying they were way too aggressive according to the league rules and the refs didn’t call them on it. Not that I’m bitter about it.

When the game was over, P and Caroline packed up and left to go to the ranch for the night. And I was ALL BY MYSELF. I debated all my various options and ultimately chose pajamas, the couch, homemade mac and cheese for dinner and the Miss America pageant.

And let me tell you, I chose well, young Jedi.

(Is that even a real line from Star Wars? It seems right but I am not a fan of the Star Wars movies because they involve space and spaceships and science fiction.)

I grew up watching the Miss America pageant. It always seemed like such a big event. I’d grab my little notebook and keep track of various scores as they scrolled across the screen. It probably speaks to the fact that I grew up in the 70’s that I truly believed that being Miss America was the female equivalent of a boy growing up to become the President of the United States. A boy would have to work hard, make good grades, build a political resume, but all a girl had to do was be able to play a decent rendition of Moon River on the spoons and have hair that defied the laws of gravity for all her dreams to come true.

In recent years I haven’t watched many pageants. I think this is directly related to the fact that most pageants are no longer aired on a major network and I forget to regularly check the T.V. Guide to see what’s on CMT. But on Saturday night, ABC brought the pageant back complete with our favorite host of bad television, Chris Harrison. Well done, ABC. Well done.

And so what could have been an average Saturday night with carbs and pajamas, turned into a veritable extravaganza of sparkly gowns, big hair, smiles that have seen more than their share of Crest Whitestrips, and black two-piece swimsuits that looked like the underwear section of a 1978 J.C. Penney catalog.

My cup was already overflowing when the talent portion began. American viewers were treated to an array of talent that included a rendition of Papa Was A Rolling Stone and an Irish Riverdance complete with a moonwalk.

And then Miss Arkansas showed the world that she was a yodeling ventriloquist. At that point I might as well have just turned off the T.V. because the only thing that could have topped it is if one of the contestants had answered, “Is that NeNe Leakes’ sister?” when asked about the WikiLeaks controversy during the interview portion.

But these girls were way too polished for that. Miss Nebraska even used the word “espionage” in her answer which is probably why she is our new Miss America.

And, bottom line, no one admires how well you can engage in a debate about national healthcare when you look that good in a swimsuit. Although I’m sure I’ve turned heads at the neighborhood pool when people hear me discuss my thoughts on U.S. foreign policy.

After the pageant was over I still wanted to make the most of my free night so I watched P.S. I Love You with Hillary Swank and thought it was pretty good. I also can’t figure out why no one ever mentioned that Harry Connick, Jr. is in it because I would have seen it long before now had I known.

I went to church on Sunday morning and came home with tentative plans to go see The King’s Speech before P and Caroline got home. But then P called and said they were on their way.

They walked in and P announced he wasn’t feeling great. Unfortunately he didn’t mention it until after I’d kissed him hello. And then I went to unpack Caroline’s bag and came across several bones from various dead animals about the same time P’s stomach virus kicked in.

I don’t know which made me feel worse at the time. But I have a feeling which one might make me feel worse in twenty-four hours.

I’m very busy watching the Sugar Bowl right now and being an Arkansas Razorback fan for the evening. We’ll see how that turns out.

Anyway, in lieu of a real post with paragraphs, here are ten things that I thought I’d mention and/or share.

1. There was a question in yesterday’s comments about how to make choffee. I really don’t want to brag, but I consider myself to be the foremost hot choffee maker in the United States. And possibly the planet.

I only use Ghiradelli Double Chocolate hot chocolate mix. I put three heaping teaspoons in my favorite oversized coffee mug while I heat up a cup of skim milk in the microwave. I add about two or three splashes of P’s morning coffee (Ted Nugent’s Wackmaster Sunrize made with a french press because if it’s good enough for Uncle Ted then it’s good enough for us.) and then pour in the warm milk. Then I heat the entire mug up for an additional 30 seconds or so.

No, I’m not high maintenance. Why do you ask?

2. Speaking of microwaves, we had to throw out our old microwave after we burned the Kraft Mac and Cheese to the ground a few weeks ago. The smell. My word, the smell. I can still smell it right now if I think about it for too long and then I begin to gag.

So I went to Target and bought a new microwave. It’s a stainless steel Emerson and just as cute as it can be. However, it seems to be possessed and turns itself on at random times. I know it sounds crazy and I totally thought P was messing with me until I witnessed it for myself. Not to mention that he woke up Sunday morning to discover it had turned itself on and been running for who knows how long. You have to think that’s not safe.

Needless to say, I’ll be taking it back to Target this week. In the meantime we just unplug it every time we finish using it which kind of makes me feel like my grandparents.

3. Gulley and I went to lunch at Urban Taco yesterday. I am a big fan of their zucchini jalapeno salsa. It’s an unexpected, yet delightful, combination of flavors.

4. Several people have emailed and asked about Caroline’s outfit on Christmas Eve. It came from Naartjie and she picked it out all by herself. I love it because it’s so much more practical than a fancy dress that she’ll never wear again, plus she can mix and match all the pieces.

5. The Bachelor. I don’t even know what to say.

Actually that’s not true. I do know what to say. If you’re seriously looking for a wife, then I would suggest you bypass the gal with her teeth shaved into fangs that tried to bite your neck.

Also, the one that got out of the limo and yelled, “Catch me!” as she ran towards him took at least ten seconds off my life as I died of all the feeling awkward.

And what are the odds that in a group of thirty women you’d have to specify which “Chantal” you’re talking about? Jennifer, maybe. But Chantal? Although I did see earlier that one of the Chantals is actually a Shawntel. Not to be confused with Shawndeen from My Blue Heaven.

6. After I mentioned The Other Boleyn Girl the other day and several of you commented on it, Gulley and I got excited and discussed that it might be fun to have a little internet book club on the blog. Any thoughts on that?

7. I just asked P to get a splinter out of my foot and he just walked back in the room wearing his headlamp and carrying a magnifying glass and a knife.

I’m frightened by his enthusiasm.

I think I may opt for the splinter to stay and make a permanent home in my foot.

8. Caroline and her friend were riding in the way back of the station wagon on the way home from school yesterday. The topic turned to boys, so I did what any savvy mama would do and turned down the radio so I could hear the conversation.

I heard Caroline say, “There’s a boy in my class that really likes me. He likes that I act like a boy and can run super fast on the playground. AND he’s from a whole other world called CALIFORNIA.”

It may be time to invest in a map.

9. I don’t think I’m really helping the Razorbacks.

10. That’s all.

You want to know what I did yesterday?

I watched this about one hundred and forty-eight times.

It never gets old.