Just for fun

Today is my 35th birthday and honestly, I can’t believe I’m 35. I know some of y’all are thinking 35 isn’t old and it’s really not, but it’s not an age I ever imagined myself being. Last year when I turned 34, I told P. “You know 34 is really the last age where you sound young.” He said “I hate to tell you, but 34 doesn’t really sound that young.” Oh, he’s a smooth talkin’ devil.

Gulley’s taking me to lunch today to celebrate. A real live adult lunch that won’t involve high chairs or chicken fingers cut up in a million pieces or a 9 month old throwing up saltine crackers. We’ll actually get to visit and laugh without someone saying “excuse me mama, excuse me mama, EXCUSE ME MAMA.”

Then tonight, I think P. is going to cook me a steak dinner which is one of my favorite things in the world. Give me a steak with some grilled jalapenos stuffed with cream cheese and I’m a happy girl or woman seeing as how I’m 35.

So, what did I think 35 would look like? I don’t know for sure, but I think it involved 3 kids in a minivan, being President of the PTA, not caring about fashion and how I looked, and having a husband that wore a suit to work everyday. I thought I would be very wise and very mature…you know, from all my life experience.

What does it look like now that I’m here? Well, I have one child and don’t know that I’m going to have another one, therefore we don’t really need a minivan. Caroline is 3, so while I may volunteer for the fall festival at her preschool, I’m a long way from President of the PTA. I still want to look cute in my jeans (although y’all know how I feel about the return of the skinny leg and I can’t even discuss this whole leggings and miniskirt thing) and read InStyle as soon as it comes out every month. And as far as my husband wearing a suit everyday, well P. is a youth minister and owns a landscape company, so unless he’s performing a wedding for someone, suits just aren’t that practical in the Texas heat.

As far as being wise and mature, well…I definitely have more wisdom now than I did in my twenties but honestly, that just means I have enough sense not to ride with a total stranger to Oklahoma City (a story for another time).

And can you be considered mature when you laugh every. single. time. that your child toots or holds her own nose when she poops?

I have to say that reality is better than anything I could have imagined. It may not be perfect, but who needs perfection? As a wise,mature 35 year old, I’ve learned that perfection isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

About a year ago we switched our all of our phone, T.V., computer services to Time Warner Cable. I pay the bills and thought it would be so easy to have one little bundled package that we pay for each month. The only problem…everytime you use the phone, the wireless service on the computer disconnects itself. Our phone service has been so bad that we never use our home phone. We’ll answer it and tell people to call us back on our cell. This has been going on for months and after several phone calls to Time Warner, I decided that I was done. After all, paying for unlimited long distance doesn’t really do you much good if you can’t use your phone to begin with.

I picked up the phone (my cell phone) and called AT&T to see what they could offer. Oh, they promise you the world. This girl on the phone was so helpful but honestly, I couldn’t keep track of anything that she was telling me. If I sign up today AND fill out some form AND turn in my last Time Warner bill AND add my cell phone service package AND sell them my first born child, I am eligible for a $49.00 rebate. On top of that, I can get Dish network for $19.99 for 12 months with an additional $2.00 off for the first six months and $4.00 off for three more months. I’m always so suspicious of all of this because it’s like they’re trying to confuse you so when you get your bill you really have no idea what it should be. To quote Cal Naughton Jr. in Talladega Nights, “My head was all twisted up like a pretzel.”

So being the savvy business person that I am, I asked the burning question on my mind…”Do we get a DVR player?” Why yes, yes we do. We get TWO. Sign me up.

I still don’t understand all the ways that AT&T is going to save us money, but the service can’t be any worse and we get TWO DVRs. What else do you need to know?

There are a few things that have been said in my presence this week that are too funny not to share. I’d love to somehow weave them into a brilliant post, but my limited writing skills seem to have taken leave. So here they are in no particular order of “funniness”.

1. My mom came to visit this weekend. She never quite finishes her whole thought on a subject. We were discussing my grandmother’s health issues and my mom says “Well you know she has a really good doctor. He’s tall and he’s from Pakistan.”

No offense to any tall Pakistani physicians who might be reading my blog, but I’m not sure that those two traits alone qualify you to cut me open for any type of major surgery (or minor surgery for that matter).

2. Gulley was over today and was talking about her cousin getting married. His parents are divorced and not really in touch with each other, so his entire rehearsal dinner will be planned by his dad. This is a man who wears a belt with the name “Russell” on the back, not because his name is Russell but because his Mama bought it for him at a garage sale. Not to mention that he currently lives in a solar powered cabin. Gulley said “It’ll be like having a dinner planned by Jed Clampett”.

3. I was getting Caroline out of her carseat a few days ago when she looked down and saw a 3 day old barely inflated balloon on the floorboard. She said “Look Mama, that looks like your boob”. Nice.

The Christmas after we had Caroline, one of P.’s childhood friends dropped by to catch up, well maybe not catch up as much as let us know about him. He lives in New York but was in town visiting his parents and managed to fit us in between his big social events.

He sat and told us all about life in New York, throwing out names of important people, expensive sheets, and restaurants. We listened, and listened and listened some more and then he said “You know I went to a Christmas party at George Soros’ home.” I played it cool and was saying “really?” as P. asked the question that was really on my mind, “who is George Soros?”.

The friend looked at us like we were from a different planet as he said “well, he’s only the rock star of the hedge fund world.” I again played it cool and said “oh…” as P. again asked the real question on my mind, “what’s a hedge fund?”

Pretty shortly thereafter our friend needed to leave. If only George Soros had written a book about how to get your 5 month old to sleep through the night…we would have known exactly who he was.

Anyway I tell this story because we were watching the O’Reilly Factor tonight and guess who was featured…George Soros, billionaire financier. I felt quite the rush to realize I had served leftover tamales to someone who has attended a Christmas party at the home of a hedge fund rockstar.