Author: Big Mama

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Today’s post is a guest post by my friend Sarah Mae. And, technically, we’ve never met in real life but that will change this October when I speak at the Allume Conference because she is the founder of Allume and so chances are good she’ll be there.

Anyway, Sarah Mae has written a beautiful book with Sally Clarkson called Desperate: Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe. If you’re in the trenches of motherhood and feel like you struggle so often to get it right and not lose yourself (or your mind) in the process, then Desperate is for you. It’s a young mother’s honest account of the desperate feelings experienced in motherhood and her experienced mentor’s realistic encouragement and wisdom gained from the years of raising her own four children.

The kindle version of Desperate is on sale for $3.99 today only. And there’s also a Desperate DVD curriculum which includes a Q & A with Sarah Mae and Sally.  Plus, there’s a special promotion this week to celebrate the launch of the DVDs.  When you buy five paperback copies of Desperate, you can receive a free copy of the DVD if you send in a picture or scanned receipt to [email protected].

Best of all, one of you has the chance to win a paperback copy of Desperate along with the DVD on the blog today.  All you have to do is leave a comment on this post.  Maybe something pertaining to motherhood.  I’ll leave comments open all week and email the winner on Friday.

 

 

“Daily life is very seductive. Weeks go by and we forget who we are.” -Natalie Goldberg, Writing Down the Bones

I can’t pinpoint the moment I felt it, and I don’t know when it began.

But what I know is that somewhere between holding my first-born baby girl and telling three little ones to get in bed for the seemingly hundredth time, I forgot who I was. I got lost in motherhood, and while the swim is precious and beautiful and life-giving, I’m not sure how to find my way to the oxygen-filled space that I used to occupy. You know, that time, that space where you had room to breathe? When life wasn’t all sleepless nights and diapers and potty-training and…responsibility. I mean, we’re talking souls here, that are in our charge. That’s heavy. And I am so ill-equipped! I’m painfully selfish, and I really love to sleep. And yet, I’m a mom. Of three children. Who have souls and who depend on me for food and care and life.

That kind of responsibility.

Which I love, by the way. I love being a mother, truly. I think my kids are stellar people (most of time, except for when their sin-natures rear their uncivilized heads…which is every 15 minutes…which is just like me, too). But seriously, I have always wanted to be a mother. The thing is, I’m not a natural at it, and I learned through these last seven and half years of parenting that just because you love something doesn’t mean it will come naturally or easily to you. And no one tells you that somewhere in the midst of it all, you will start disappearing and some sweat pants wearing, greasy face, stringy hair someone who resembles you will take your place. Body snatchers, motherhood style…minus the style, of course. Because that went with the sweats.

So that oxygen-filled space where you were becoming, that spirit which filled-out your un-stretch-marked skin – where is she? Does she exist anymore or do you make room for a hybrid you?

Here’s what I’m thinking…

Remember Felicity, the show? Do you remember the theme song? There’s a line it in that goes, “Can you become a new version of you?” Let’s reminisce shall we?

I think that’s it. We are not only looking for a new version of who we are, but we have the opportunity to grow into one. We are mothers, and that makes up so much of who we are; our children are a part of our very beings, so it changes us in deep ways, and that’s okay. But now we have this gift, this new version of ourselves that is beautiful and undeniable and just waiting to be explored.

I have said so many times that I feel like I’m a shell of the woman I once was, and it depressed me. But now I’m feeling like, yea, good, because I’m shedding old skin and transforming and becoming into new skin; I am evolving into a new version of the woman God knit together; it’s a stretching and a turning as new colors emerge. I’m figuring it all out new; I’m figuring me out new. And I am so unbelievably good with that. Probably because I’m finally getting sane after seven years, because I’m sleeping. Hallelujah.

Also, I bought skinny jeans. Well, after I bought the mom jeans and my husband shook his head at me. But then, then I bought the skinnies.

So friend, if you are feeling a little rocked by motherhood and are wondering who you are, hang in there. You are there; you are more than then the daily-ness of it all. You are not lost, you just need to stretch into the new version of who you already are. Let it be fun and exciting, this exploration of you again. Bring your kids and your husband along for the ride. And for the love, don’t give into the mom jeans.

Keep on,

Sarah Mae

Before we get to all this frivolous stuff, I just want to send thoughts and prayers out to West, Texas. This has been a rough week and I know our hearts are all tender right now for those that are grieving.

Caroline woke up with fever in the middle of the night on Wednesday night. And even though she was a little better yesterday, her head still hurt and she just didn’t seem like her usual self. So the two of us spent our Thursday on the couch under a blanket.

I’ll be honest. It was not a bad way to spend the day. Especially because it was a cold, rainy morning and I feel like there’s been a lot of sadness this week and it felt good to have my girl home with me.

Anyway, that really has nothing to do with anything, but I just like y’all to know what’s going on around here.

The big news is that there’s an awesome giveaway today! One of you has the chance to win a $40 gift card to Fiddlin’ Frogs.

Fiddlin’ Frogs is a darling store located halfway between San Antonio and Boerne (pronounced “Bernie” as in weekend at) and I discovered it about two years ago. They have a great selection of clothes, jewelry and even home stuff.

And the best part is that they are offering all my readers 10% off any online or in-store purchases when you use the code “bigmama” at checkout.

Here are just a few things I found online that I love, but if you live in the area you should totally go check out the store in person.

I love this bella sleeve blouse.

And this solid mustard v-neck blouse.

But there are also other things like this gold multi peasant dress and I’m in love with this johnny was sparks blouse.

And this butterfly infinity scarf would be so cute for the spring and summer.

All you have to do for a chance to win the $40 gift card to Fiddlin’ Frogs is leave a comment on this post. But, in the meantime, you can totally save 10% when you use the code bigmama.

And now here’s some more cute stuff I found this week.

1. zig zag print crossover dress

I tried this on in Gap the other day and really, really loved it. But couldn’t decide if I really needed another maxi dress. However, I really liked the length on this one because I could wear it with flat sandals without getting it hemmed.

Plus, everything at Gap is 25% through Saturday when you use the code GAPMORE at checkout. And you get 35% off when you purchase more than $100.

2. turquoise jeweled necklace

This is the perfect statement necklace for summer. It would add a little something extra to just about any outfit and the price can’t be beat.

3. commando mini half-slip

I learned about this from the CStyle blog. It’s a slip without any seams or bulk so it’s the answer to all those maxi dresses and cotton skirts when you need a little shape, but without any added lumps or bumps.

And, let’s be honest, none of us ever want lumps or bumps.

4. sachet wedge sandal

Last year I bought a pair of Franco Sarto wedge sandals that are very similar to these and I LOVE them. They go with everything and are so comfortable even though it’s a shoe with a heel. I believe they might be the perfect summer shoe.

5. flutter-sleeve dress

I bought this in navy a few weeks ago and now I kind of want to go back and get the green. I’ve already thrown it on so many times because it’s so comfortable but can be dressed up a little with a pair of gold sandals and some cute accessories.

And did I mention that Gap is offering 25% off through Saturday with the code GAPMORE?

6. essential short-sleeve tee

And while we’re on the subject of Gap, their essential tees are only $15.00 and come in a veritable rainbow of colors. This is a great staple for your summer wardrobe.

7. distressed gold zip jacket

I’m not sure why this appeals to me, but I just love it. If I didn’t live in South Texas and maybe spent my summers in the Hamptons or something, I would totally get it and wear it over all white with some really great gold sandals.

Of course if I could afford to spend my summers in the Hamptons then I probably wouldn’t be buying a faux leather jacket from Charlotte Russe for $32.

8. miller logo thong

Along those same lines, I’m a little obsessed with these sandals right now. However, they are significantly more than $15.

But look how pretty they are! Look at that gorgeous patent sand color! They’re an investment piece.

9. baker crossbody bag

Now I think this is just darling. Perfect little summer purse to carry everywhere. I love everything about it.

10. printed henley tunic

Gap has these right now in several different prints and I really like them. They’re a great length and the prints are very summery and fun. Any of them would be great with a pair of white shorts or white skinnies.

And that’s it for this week.

Don’t forget to leave a comment to enter the giveaway!

Y’all have a good Friday.

I just want you to know that I’m pretty sure the oak pollen is trying to kill me dead. I know this because I sneezed approximately 5,432 times yesterday. And you know that I never exaggerate.

And if the oak pollen doesn’t kill me then I’m pretty sure the huge packets of math homework that Caroline has brought home every day this week will. Especially yesterday’s packet that consisted of one whole page of problems dedicated to figuring out various costs and mileage of some family’s vacation that I neither know nor care about.

But maybe I’m just a little edgy right now. You want to know why?

Smart Barre.

My abs have been sore for three weeks straight now. And some days I’m not sure that my triceps aren’t going to just fall off.

As I drove to my 9:45 class Tuesday morning, I finally pinpointed my real issue with working out. You have to keep doing it to get and maintain results. You know who I blame for this?

That’s right.

(Side note: Look at the music on that workout video. Boz Skaggs? Sign me up.)

Until she donned those jaunty legwarmers and filmed On Golden Pond looking all tanned and toned, exercise wasn’t necessarily a thing. I mean, sure, some people did it but it wasn’t so much an aerobic workout as it was standing on one of those machine things with a large band around you that was supposed to shake off your extra fat.

Yes.

And so maybe those didn’t work out so well, but they did allow you the luxury of wearing fancy red flats with a nice pleated skirt. So there’s that.

But now there’s pressure to be “in shape” and “work on your cardio” and “quit eating ice cream for dinner”. Which is why over the last several years I’ve done Couch to Almost 5K (That’s my own personal version), the 30 Day Shred with Jillian Michaels, and Body by Bethenny. There may have even been a few days I pulled out my Elle MacPherson workout video from college.

Then I went through a spell where I thought I could just workout at home and follow all the different workouts that I pin on Pinterest. But the problem is that pinning them doesn’t actually do anything. You have to actually do them. And it’s hard for me to get motivated because the following is how I feel a lot of the time.

Anyway, enough of my exercise issues, the truth is that I actually don’t mind Smart Barre all that much. Except for when we’re doing the glutes portion of the workout and I’m pretty sure my whole backside is about to cramp up and I’m going to start screaming about Shetland ponies.

All this to say that I’m really not sure why it just dawned on me, at forty-one years old, that exercise is a lifestyle change and, sadly, not like doing your income taxes. Just a few painful days and then it’s all over for another year.

But I am pretty sure this illustration sums up my Smart Barre experience.

My headache is back again tonight. And so I’m about to treat myself to some peppermint oil and go climb in bed. But first I thought I’d share a few things that are currently on my list of favorites. Because I’m a giver.

1. sally hansen colorfast tint + moisture lip balm

So I bought this on a whim the other day because I was all WHAT? Sally Hansen makes something besides nail products?

After much deliberation, I decided on a shade called happy berry. Not to be confused with Halle Berry. And I’m a fan. I love that it’s just a big fat pencil like thing, but moisturizes like a real lip balm. Plus the color actually lasts.

2. garnier miracle skin corrector bb cream

Remember when I talked about BB creams about a month ago? At that point I hadn’t tried the Garnier version.

Now I have. And the verdict is I’m a fan. A big fan. I’ve been using it every morning instead of my Laura Mercier tinted moisturizer. It goes on smooth and a little goes a long way.

3. the home tee

I ordered the Texas version of this shirt and LOVE it. It’s so soft and a great fit. I even ordered the small and it’s plenty big even though I normally get a medium in most shirts.

Best of all, you can get one with whatever state you’d like and part of the proceeds go toward Multiple Sclerosis research.

4. striped infinity scarf

This weekend I bought one of these for Caroline. Granted, it wasn’t from Sam Moon, but it is a striped infinity scarf and it is so soft. Not to mention they’re only $6.00.

5. a little salty to cut the sweet

Y’all. My friend Sophie’s first book comes out in just a little over a month. And I am so excited about it.

I mean I’ve already read it. So mainly I’m just excited for you because you get to read it and it’s so funny and sweet and good. Just like Sophie.

You can read more about it and even download the first chapter on her book page.

6. OPI don’t pretzel my buttons

A few days ago, I was on the Twitter and happened to notice that Christy Nockels tweeted about this nail polish color. And so, obviously, I went to the store to see it for myself.

If you’re a fan of a good, natural color, this one is just about perfect. I’ve had it on my toes for three days now and it makes me happy every time I see it. It’s a nice change from all the Easter egg colors I’ve had lately.

I really thought I might have a few more things, but I think that’s it for today. I have a big date with peppermint oil and a bedtime that would make a grandma jealous.

On Sunday night some friends of ours invited us over for dinner. And their offer of homemade fish tacos sounded much more appealing than what I had planned to cook, which was nothing. Not to mention that we love spending time with them, and their daughter, Ella, is one of Caroline’s good friends.

While we visited in the kitchen, the girls ran back and forth between the house and the backyard playing soccer and I don’t know what else but just doing what nine-year-old girls do. Then at one point they ran in the kitchen together and Caroline asked, “Mom? What are those small horses called? I said the name but Ella said I said a bad word!”

I was slightly confused because my mind wasn’t really thinking about small horses and so I asked, “What? What are you talking about?”

Caroline replied, “Aren’t those small horses called Shi*land ponies?”

I laughed and said, “No. They’re called Shetland ponies.”

And then she and Ella died laughing because I had confirmed that Caroline had said a bad word and there isn’t much funnier than an inadvertent cuss word when you’re nine.

Then tonight I was tucking her in bed and she began to laugh and said, “Remember last night when I said ‘Shi*land pony?”

“Yes. I remember.”

“That was so funny!”

“I know. But it’s not a word you need to say. It’s a bad word and not ladylike.”

She looked at me for a minute and then asked, “What does it mean?”

And so I opened Pandora’s box and said, “It’s another word for poop. So maybe you were just describing a horse that poops a lot.”

Listen. That line was a crowd pleaser. She collapsed into giggles and gave me a smile that was totally worth the inappropriate conversation.

I finished tucking her in, we said our prayers and then as I kissed her goodnight she let out a huge toot from under the covers.

And she exclaimed, “MOM! I THINK I JUST SHI*LAND PONIED IN MY PANTS!”

I blame her father.

*****

On a serious note, prayers and thoughts going out to Boston today. Our hearts are heavy.

Well.

I’m back.

Last week was one of those weeks that was just really hard. I had some sort of stress trifecta that included a headache that wouldn’t go away, preparing to speak at an event, and raging PMS. I was every bit as delightful to be around in person as you would imagine.

But now I have a week of nothing ahead of me and I couldn’t be happier. I have big plans to do things like grocery shop for real food and toilet paper. Of course, that’s a stretch goal. I don’t want to get ahead of myself.

I so appreciate all your prayers and emails and encouragement. I think the weekend event went well based on the women’s responses. Or maybe they’re all just a big bunch of liars. I don’t know for sure, but I’m choosing to believe God showed up in spite of all my flaws and shortcomings and random stories about throwing up in front of Ann Voskamp on a bus in Ecuador.

And, in an astonishing turn of events, I was introduced to a miracle cure for headaches. After I spoke on Friday night, my head was absolutely pounding and one of the sweet women introduced me to the wonder that is peppermint oil.

Do you know about this?

And, if so, why have you not told me? I thought we were friends.

She showed me how to rub a drop or two of peppermint oil into my forehead and temples. And then rub a small amount on the back of my neck and then take a few deep breaths of it. But not too deep or you might hack and cough like you just smoked a pack of Marlboros. At least that’s what I’ve heard.

It is unbelievable. After six days of a headache that felt like it was nonstop, the peppermint oil brought me relief. And made me smell delightfully like Christmas.

So now it’s just a matter of time before I go full on hippie and start collecting all manner of essential oils to cure all manner of ailments. Please tell me if you know more about this. What other oils can I use to make my life so much better than it is right now?

I drove home from the retreat on Saturday morning because Caroline had a soccer game at 10:30 and I really wanted to make at least the last half of the game. But when I was just about halfway home, P called to let me know the other team didn’t show up and so there was no rush. Which I took as my cue to stop at Sonic for a breakfast burrito and a large diet Coke. Because I hadn’t really been able to eat for about three days due to nerves (I’m telling you. I’m a JOY to be around prior to a speaking engagement.) and I was starving.

That Sonic breakfast burrito never had a chance. I scarfed it down in 2.8 seconds and almost ate the foil wrapper it came in and even forgot my bitterness that they hadn’t put my tots in the bag.

When I arrived at the soccer fields, I watched the last ten minutes of Caroline scrimmaging with her own team. And then it was all over and I spent the five minutes it took us to drive home listening to Caroline complain about the bitter cruelty of life because she was ready to play a REAL soccer game and the other team didn’t show up. Which, yes. That’s awful. But also falls square into the category of Things I Can’t Change and, also, Things We Might Be Overly Emotional About. The latter category seems to be increasing in both frequency and size these days.

Then I officially realized I am old because I arrived home and was so excited to discover the new towels I’d ordered for the bathroom were in. NEW TOWELS! NEW WHITE TOWELS! I’d been putting off buying new towels forever because, well, towels. But our old ones are almost ten years old and starting to show a little wear. By which I mean they might be mistaken for dust rags.

And then Caroline and I went to Bed, Bath and Beyond because I felt like my new towels deserved new bath mats. But I couldn’t decide on what style of bath mat I wanted and they didn’t have any like my old ones and, ultimately, I decided I should probably walk before I run. Neither Rome nor my master bath was built in a day.

The other exciting turn of events on Saturday (Exciting being a relative term and assuming you have nothing else going on) was when the guy from the insurance company came to inspect our roof and declared we need a totally new roof after the Easter hail storm. I realize I should be a little sad that the prospect of a new roof makes me happy, but I’m just going to own it.

New roof? New towels? Possibly new bath mats on the horizon? What are we? George and Weezie Jefferson?

Because it sure feels like we’re movin’ on up.

Oh. Except for the fact that I just set this to post and realized it’s Tax Day. The new bath mats may have to wait.