Author: Big Mama

First of all, I was totally right about my mother-in-law and Facebook yesterday. She had no idea she now had a cover photo featuring David Hasselhoff and two lab puppies. In fact, she didn’t even realize she had her own Facebook page. She just thought she was “on Facebook”.

The best part is she only discovered these things after she read the blog yesterday. And then she promptly sent out a group email thanking my brother-in-law for his “computer help”.

In other news, I returned to Smart Barre this afternoon for the first time since last Wednesday. The rest of last week got busy and I didn’t have time. Not to mention that I could barely get off the couch to drive to the workout studio. There was honestly a point on Thursday night when I wanted to roll over in bed because my right arm was asleep but decided it wasn’t worth the pain.

So here’s hoping my triceps don’t cramp up in the middle of the night tonight. Or my quads. Or anything else that might cause me to yell out in pain and frighten my family and the dogs.

But I have to keep working out because I have discovered a new dessert. Specifically, I have discovered the wonder that is the Cinnamon Roll bundt cake.

Remember several weeks ago when I was lamenting about my bundt cake insufficiencies? I’m sure you do because it was a harrowing tale of sorrow and first world problems involving Pam and falsely labeled non-stick surfaces.

Well, the day I wrote that post I received an email from Shay at Mix and Match Mama. I’d just met Shay about a week earlier at the DotMom Conference in Dallas, but it had escaped me that she is actually the queen of bundt cakes.

It was as if God had brought her into my life at the very time of my deepest bundt cake need. She’s like my Queen Esther of bundt cakes. For such a time as this.

Shay said she would love to send me a few things that might be of assistance as I walked through my bundt cake trials and I said, “YES, PLEASE. PLEASE HELP MY FAMILY LIVE TO SEE A PRETTY CAKE AGAIN.”

I emailed her my address and a few days later I received a large package in the mail. Or maybe it came UPS. I don’t know because details aren’t really my thing. Which may actually be the root of some of my bundt cake troubles. 1/2 cup of oil? Eh. Close enough.

Imagine my delight when I discovered the contents of the box included not only a shiny new bundt cake pan, but also a recipe and ingredients for a new cake recipe. And, perhaps greatest of all, an autographed photo.

Oh yes. That is Sean the Bachelor. Who happens to be Shay’s brother. And, technically, he’s not really The Bachelor anymore because he found true love with Catherine in Thailand and they rode elephants and everything.

However, he is on Dancing With the Stars right now. I just thought you should know.

And so I couldn’t wait to try this new recipe in my new bundt cake pan with Bachelor Sean and his bouquet of roses to cheer me on.

But then I got the stomach bug. And cake was dead to me for a long, long time. Also dead to me? Any type of fish. And various potatoes. And Chinese food. But the Chinese food isn’t because of the stomach bug because I’ve had Chinese food issues for a long time now. It involves a bad Chinese meal in Durango, Colorado followed by a seventeen hour bus trip home. Let’s quit talking about it.

Finally, this past Friday, I felt like it was time to make the cake. I’d even remembered to buy powdered sugar at the grocery store because that’s an essential ingredient. So I whipped it all together with Bachelor Sean giving me moral support from where he lay flat on my countertop and then I did the bravest thing of all, I flipped it out of the bunt cake pan onto my cake carrier.

And, lo, it came out in one piece like a good cake should.

Angels sang. Children wept. My bundt cake past had been redeemed.

Then I did an even braver thing and brought it to some friends’ house for dessert even though I’d never tasted it and had no idea if it was any good. That’s how much I trusted Shay. I mean, how can you not trust a girl who will send you a new bundt pan through U.S. mail or UPS or maybe it was FedEX? Clearly she had my best interest at heart and wasn’t going to all that trouble just for me to bake a mediocre cake.

Here’s the verdict. There were six adults and two children at our friends’ house for dinner on Friday night. And there were exactly two pieces left of that entire cake when we left. It is delicious. Like a big hot cinnamon roll right out of the oven.

And who doesn’t like that? Because that sounds like a person I don’t want to know for fear we have nothing in common.

So bake yourself a Cinnamon Roll cake today. Or tomorrow. You’ll be glad you did. Unless you’re allergic to cinnamon. In which case you might want to check Shay’s website for some other recipe options.

Based on the number of photos I just uploaded from my phone, this post is basically going to be like a family album. And given the fact that I took most of the photos and possess limited photographic ability, it will most likely resemble one of those 1970’s photo albums with the pages that go “SCRITTTCHH” as you pull back the clear coating to reveal yellowed, blurry pictures of that time your Pa-Pa took you to Kiddie Park.

We had a nice long weekend. Caroline was in the fourth grade school musical on Thursday night and so we all went to watch her perform. The theme was School House Rock and Caroline had a role in the Interjection song where she had to yell out, “OH NO! YOU CAN’T GIVE ME A SHOT DOWN THERE!” and, also, “HOORAY!” I don’t want to sound like a stage mother, but I’m pretty sure I smell a Tony nomination.

And then on Friday, we went to go see The Croods in 3D. Here’s my quick review: It’s about cave people. I was distracted by their enormous bodies and abnormally small feet. I realize the animation folks probably did extensive cave person research, so this is just my own hang up and I tend to have feet issues under the best of circumstances.

After the movie, Caroline and I went on a last minute shopping trip in the hopes of finding her some cute sandals for Easter. I could elaborate on our excursion but I try to avoid profanity on the blog so I’ll just say we didn’t find any that we agreed on. Which meant she was either going to wear her black casual flip-flops or her black Converse hi-tops with her Easter dress.

Perfect.

She doesn’t even know how hard we had it in the 70s with our itchy lace tights and white patent mary janes that always rubbed a blister.

Saturday morning she and P left for a day at the ranch while I got everything at the house ready to host Easter brunch for Mimi and Bops and my sister and her family. I also may have watched some television.

P texted me this picture in the early afternoon.

They found it right by the ranch house and Caroline shot it herself. It’s too bad we didn’t have enough time to turn it into a nice pair of Easter sandals. Timing is everything.

On Sunday morning we all woke up bright and early to see if the Easter Bunny had visited our house. Sure enough, he’d made an appearance.

And brought Fun Dip. A pack of 16 Fun Dips to be exact. You’d think the Easter Bunny has never heard about the cost of modern day dentistry.

After a few arguments and a possible meltdown (mine) over appropriate Easter Sunday hair, we finally made it to church. And the hair argument seemed silly in light of the fact that it was 158% humidity outside with a nice humid wind. But that’s why I’d wanted her to go with the side ponytail instead of wearing it down.

(Really, though. I’m over it.)

We came home and took some pictures because we are almost never all dressed up at the same time and it seems important to capture the moment for posterity.

I was so excited about and totally envious of her denim vest. However, I couldn’t show my excitement because then she wouldn’t have worn it. So instead I just casually mentioned, “Hey. I bought you a denim vest thing to wear over your Easter dress if you want to. Whatever. No big deal.”

(Note to self: Use that same strategy the next time we go shoe shopping.)

I just feel bad because Caroline is so uncomfortable in front of the camera.

And then there’s her mother who chooses to pose as if I need to go to the bathroom really bad. What the heck?

But I love this one of Caroline and P. My Easter peeps. All the love, none of the yucky synthetic marshmallow taste.

Then Mimi and Bops showed up to take a family picture of us.

And one with Mimi and Bops.

After that we ate Easter brunch and then P and my brother-in-law, Chris, hid eggs outside for a big egg hunt for the kids. I took the next two stellar shots.

And then my phone camera went dead. Maybe it couldn’t handle the cuteness of Luke in his bowtie and vest. That’s just my theory.

It’s also possible that my phone is HORRIBLE and I really need to take it into the Apple Store but have been procrastinating. And now Gulley is going to read this and ROLL HER EYES because she is so tired of listening to me complain about my phone that she made an appointment for me last weekend. But I had to cancel it because Caroline came home sick from school that day.

After everyone left, I finished cleaning up the cascarones remains and silly string and then sat down to relax and look at everyone’s Easter photos on Facebook. That’s really when the best part of my day happened. Because I saw on my news feed that my mother-in-law had changed her cover photo on Facebook.

To this:

Why yes. That is David Hasselhoff with two lab puppies.

Here’s what you need to know. There is no way my mother-in-law made that photo her cover photo. Mainly because she wouldn’t know how. And also because she only got on Facebook about a month ago for the sole purpose of keeping up with her children. I’m almost positive this was the work of one of my brothers-in-law. To whom I say WELL PLAYED.

Finally, we watched the sky grow darker and darker the rest of the afternoon and prayed for rain because we desperately need it. And, not only did we get rain, we got hail. Lots of hail. Like I’m pretty sure we might need a new roof kind of hail because it sounded like a herd of horses in tap shoes ran across our roof eighty-five times.

Sadly, that’s my car in the background of that picture. I feel bad for it. But not as bad as I feel for my neighbor’s Range Rover that was in their driveway across the street.

In the words of my friend Debbi, God busted open the gates of hail on Easter.

I hope you had a good one filled with family, friends, and some of those Sweet-Tarts shaped like chicks and bunnies.

I wish you all an Easter filled with joy and the happiness that only comes from the freedom we can all find in Jesus Christ and the sacrifice he made for us on the cross. Let every throne before him fall.

Please say that title to the tune of Rapper’s Delight by Sugarhill Gang.

(I don’t know why my mind works the way it does. But I appreciate your consideration in this matter.)

Well. I didn’t write anything yesterday.

Mainly because my Monday didn’t turn out like I planned. And I realize it’s now Wednesday as you’re reading this but my Monday affected my Tuesday which was yesterday.

(Should I draw a diagram? Good night.)

Anyway, around 9:00 a.m. on Monday morning I received a text from Caroline’s teacher informing all the parents that lice is going around the school and she was sending all her students to the nurse’s office to get their heads checked.

So you can imagine my horror and dismay when my phone rang ten minutes later and it was the school nurse.

“Mrs. Shankle? This is the school nurse…”

I didn’t even let her finish her sentence. “OH MY WORD DOES CAROLINE HAVE LICE?”

(I could feel myself starting to assume the fetal position.)

“No. She doesn’t have lice. She has the stomach bug.”

There has never been a time in my life when those words were like honey to my ears. (Is this a real saying? Because it sounds weird.) Give me a twelve hour stomach bug over pestilence that requires a small-tooth comb and the essence of unicorn horn to get rid of, any day of the week.

I’d signed up for a new exercise class (Oh, stay tuned for that in just a minute) at 9:45 a.m. so I cancelled my exercise reservation and drove up to the school to pick up Caroline. I went ahead and had the nurse check her for lice before we left just to make sure it hadn’t gotten all Egypt up in my house with numerous plagues.

We were clear on the lice front, but Caroline was very nauseated even though she had yet to actually throw up. I brought her home, had her change into pajamas, put her on the couch with a blanket and spent the next several hours watching her like she was a nuclear reactor. But she never threw up. In fact, she was totally fine and begging for something besides saltine crackers by 5:00 p.m.

So I decided I was going to go ahead and go out to dinner with my Birthday Club group. And when she realized it, she suddenly had a relapse. “I feel like I have a fever. Do you think I have a fever? Maybe you should stay home.”

I felt her forehead and declared her fever free. And she’d just eaten four scrambled eggs for dinner so the stomach bug was officially over. And I was in desperate need of a night out with my friends. So I went to go eat Mexican food and, lo and behold, she was totally fine.

She went back to school on Tuesday morning and I had no legitimate reason to not go to my new exercise class. It’s called Smart Barre. A bunch of my friends have been raving about it and there is nothing like trying on sleeveless shirts to make you aware of your need for more exercise than carrying in a bunch of groceries and typing on the computer, which has essentially been my regimen for the last six months. Be on the lookout for my new exercise DVD coming out soon entitled, “Here Are A Bunch of Groceries I Bought at HEB”.

Anyway, it’s a combination of ballet, yoga and pilates. How hard can that be? Isn’t that just some stretching or something?

Yes. If they have stretching in hell.

You know how sometimes you work out and you can feel your muscles start to shake in the middle of something? That was me. There was a point where I had to lift two pound weights (I don’t mean to brag about my impressive strength) until my triceps (I just googled “What are the muscles on the backs of your arms called?) were about to charley horse. I really thought I was about to shame my family name by dropping to my mat and writhing in pain and agony while singing out Swing Low, Sweet Chariots.

If you’ve read this blog for, I don’t know, four or five minutes, you might know that I have a tendency to exaggerate. But not this time. Even as I type this I can feel my triceps trying to cramp up and I had no idea typing even required the use of triceps.

But it wasn’t just my arms. We worked our glutes and our quads and our abs. I thought of a lot of bad words in my head when I had to semi-recline on a rubber ball and work some muscle in my stomach that I had never even been acquainted with prior to that point.

I signed up for the whole month because I knew it would make me feel like I have to go. And so I’m going back again tomorrow.

That is, if I don’t get stuck on the toilet because my quads quit working when I sit down. Because it’s not like my triceps could help me up. They aren’t going to be of any use to me for at least the next thirty-six hours. Or perhaps ever again.

Which I think translates to an inability to go grocery shopping because OH THE SHOPPING BAGS.

Or at least that’s what I’m telling myself.

Before I ramble on for at least a thousand words trying to make our weekend seem more interesting than it really was, I just need you to know that I’ve been sitting here for the last hour with a damp sleeve. And it’s very annoying. But apparently not annoying enough for me to get up and do something about it. I’ll probably end up with a diaper rash on my arm.

Maybe you’re wondering how my sleeve got damp. Or maybe you’re thinking that if I’m starting off with a non-story about the current state of my clothing that it doesn’t really bode well for the rest of this post. You are correct.

My sleeve got wet while I was wiping down the kitchen countertops. But I’m wearing my favorite sweatshirt thing that I wear every night and I didn’t want to change because it’s so comfortable. Except for the part where the sleeve is wet.

But enough about that.

(And the crowd said HALLELUJAH)

We had a nice little weekend around here. On Friday I brought lunch to Caroline at school and then went to Target. I was hoping to try on some cute sandals that I’d seen online, but they didn’t have them in the store. I’m not sure what’s going on with our new neighborhood Target but I am seriously disappointed in their shoe selection. I don’t know if it’s just the one by our house or if it’s Target in general right now. Part of me wants to explore it further except that that would require me to drive seven extra stoplights to a different Target and I don’t care that much.

After I left Target I picked up Gulley’s boys from school. I saw my friend Leslie picking up her daughter and she informed me that almost one hundred kids had been out from their school that day with the stomach bug. Cue my Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. So I loaded Jackson and Will into my car and told them it would probably be a good idea for them to wash their hands thoroughly as soon as we got to my house. Perhaps a bleach shower for good measure.

We picked up Caroline and then the kids played while Gulley and I visited for the next couple of hours. And then they left but we had big plans to spend Saturday afternoon together at the Little League Fields since it was Opening Day and we wanted to watch the boys play baseball.

Then P got home from work and we decided to just pick up Mexican food for dinner because we were all tired after a long week and just wanted to relax. So we caught up on all the news over tacos and guacamole and enchiladas and then Caroline decided she wanted to go climb a tree in the backyard because isn’t that what everyone wants to do after a big Mexican food dinner?

But she came in a few minutes later and announced she’d gotten a splinter. Which led to an impromptu surgical session on the kitchen island where she exhibited my propensity for drama by declaring, “OW, OW, OW! THAT HURTS!” before P ever got the knife anywhere near her. However, I can’t judge because I am the worst. The absolute worst. There is no bigger chicken than me concerning all health-related issues that could potentially cause pain.

And speaking of health-related issues, we spent the rest of the night catching up on part three of The Bible series and I could have lived forever not seeing King Herod with those leeches on him. Good night of living. It was like a horror show.

On Saturday morning I woke up to a text from Gulley informing me that both her boys came down with the stomach bug overnight and there would be no baseball. I was not only so sad for them, but sad for us because I spent the rest of the day feeling a little bit like Caroline and I might be ticking time bombs. Every bite of food I ate was like a roll of the dice wondering if it was about to become a food I might never be able to eat again.

(Spoiler alert: As of this moment none of us have gotten the stomach bug. Thanks be to God.)

Caroline had a soccer game at 10:30 that morning. And in typical Texas fashion the weather was supposed to be in the 90s later that day but was only in the 60s with a strong wind and some drizzle at game time. Which made it feel like it was approximately FREEZING degrees outside. But the game was incredible. It was like Caroline had all this stored up energy and aggression from two weeks spent in a boot and she had the game of her life. Every time I looked up she was diving for the ball or sliding to get to the ball or running down the field dribbling the ball. At one point she kept shooting for the goal until she and the goalie both ended up on the ground and the goalie had a mouth full of dirt. I’ve never seen her that intense.

Girlfriend had the eye of the tiger.

Clearly it skipped a generation.

After the game she went home with her friend Ella. And I went to the grocery store because I am forty-one and I guess that’s what life becomes. Especially when you’ve spent the whole week before trying to avoid making a big trip to the store.

Then I came home and caught up on a few things around the house while P went to a gun show because OF COURSE. And then Caroline and Ella, along with Ella’s parents, came over and P grilled quail and sausage for dinner. I boiled some eggs for the girls to dye because I felt like this killed two birds with one stone, festive Easter fun plus stuff to make egg salad for lunch this week.

On Sunday morning I woke up with a little bit of a headache thanks to a cold front that blew through and brought every drop of pollen it could find with it. And so we slept in and then I took some Advil and a Sudafed. And then I lamented the sad state of my March Madness bracket.

I’m looking at you, Gonzaga and Georgetown.

And that was our weekend. Otherwise known as how to bore people out of their minds in 1027 words.

I have to tell you that I’m ready for the weekend. The first week back at school after Spring Break is a little jarring to the system. Especially because Caroline brought home some math homework that involved changing improper fractions to mixed numbers.

That sound you heard was my head exploding.

Numbers are not my gift.

Unless it’s figuring out what 30% off $49.99 equals.

Except that’s not true. Even then I just kind of round up to my best guess. That’s why I think everything costs $15.00.

Anyway, I’m glad it’s Friday. And this could not be more random, but if your name happens to be Amy and you emailed me this week about a CURE luncheon and are reading this, would you please email me again. I tried to respond to you, but the email address you gave me was invalid.

Thank you.

And now for some cute things:

1. lace glory dress

I think this is really pretty in a white, floaty kind of way.

2. jersey tank dress

I walked in Old Navy the other day and saw these on the rack and decided they would be perfect for summer. Even if you just wear them over your swimsuit. And they’re on sale.

3. braidey sandals

How cute are these? I feel like I need them in my life.

4. fit and flare tee dresses

This is another Old Navy dress that would be great for summer for those of us who like a sleeve.

5. patterned wedge heels

Yes. These. Please look at that small turquoise stripe that makes them extra fabulous.

6. knit maxi dress

Gulley bought a dress like this last summer and I was a little bit envious every time she wore it. It’s so cute and also great with a denim jacket over it.

7. romantics sunshine dropwaist

I can see this over a pair of skinny white jeans. I love it. And it’s always a bonus when something at Free People is on sale. It’s like seeing a unicorn.

8. drapey 3/4 sleeve blouse

I love this color. I love the style. I can totally see it with white jeans and turquoise jewelry.

9. metroplex chevron tank

I realize there is no picture of this, so I’ll tell you it’s bright orange with a chevron detail. It would look adorable with white shorts this summer.

10. soccer mom dress

I would never actually wear this to a soccer game, but I do like it a lot. Love the fun patterns and colors for spring and summer.

And that’s it for today.

Y’all have a great Friday.