Author: Big Mama

  • Because more is more

    Look what showed up on my front porch via UPS yesterday afternoon.

    Guess which member of my household discovered that Williams-Sonoma has their peppermint bark on sale?

  • The light in the midst of my illness or allergies

    Okay, I have to keep this brief because I am pretty sure that I’m coming down with some sort of cold. Which, if you’re playing along at home, is the second cold I’ve had in less than a month. I told P that I was getting sick because I woke up with a scratchy throat (always a sure sign of impending illness for me) and he said it’s just all the cedar in the air. Apparently the cedar count is THROUGH THE ROOF.

    But in my experience seasonal allergies don’t garner nearly the same amount of sympathy as a cold so I’m sticking with my cold theory. However, I may or may not take a Zyrtec later on just in case it’s the cedar. And really, it’s not like any sort of malady gets me much sympathy around here. It’s like I think if I’m sick that Caroline will tell me to put my feet up while she fetches me a warm blanket and some chicken noodle soup.

    As a matter of fact, last night I told her I wasn’t feeling well and was going to take a hot shower. She told me she was STARVING (starving in her vocabulary means that she could eat half a chicken nugget) and could I please fix her dinner first. She wanted fish sticks and macaroni and cheese. I said, “It will take a while for the oven to preheat. Let me shower and get in my pajamas while the oven heats up and then I’ll fix your dinner.”

    She replied, “Go ahead and microwave that mac and cheese before you get in the shower. I’ll have it now for an appetizer and you can get the fish sticks to me later for my main course.”

    What a fount of sympathy and concern. And also a child who has eaten at her fair share of restaurants. I didn’t know what an appetizer was until I discovered fried cheese at Bennigans when I was a freshman in college.

    But enough about me having what is probably the flu. Let’s talk about the biggest excitement in my life right now. Seriously, I am so excited.

    For several years now there has been a sweet girl named Holly who reads my blog. She and I have emailed back and forth over the years and she even ordered some sugar cookies from one of my very best friends for her son’s birthday party. I don’t really know what that has to do with anything, but I just felt you should know. Oh, and she’s a fellow Texan.

    Anyway, at some point, Holly mentioned that she is an interior designer and I didn’t really think much of it because Caroline was just three years old at the time and I was kind of out of the home decorating mindset since my living room was basically decorated in a style that can only be called Early American Fisher Price with a hint of Naked Baby Doll thrown in for good measure.

    Then one day I was looking around Holly’s blog and noticed a link to where she’d been featured in Better Homes and Gardens in 2005. And, you won’t believe this, I totally remembered that entire article because I had LOVED her style so much. I don’t even subscribe to Better Homes and Gardens but just happened to buy that issue way back in 2005 while on a business trip. I even tore out pages from the magazine to keep for future ideas because I used to keep a big file folder full of future home decorating ideas before I started this blog and abandoned all other hobbies.

    So, Holly and I were emailing back and forth one day about a month ago and I casually mentioned that I wished we lived in the same town because I would totally hire her to come help me make some changes to my living room because it’s grown a little tired and stale. (Did you see the pictures of those ducks swimming under my pew yesterday? I need some help.)

    And Holly emailed me back with the best news I’ve ever heard.

    We don’t need to live in the same town because she totally does consultations and design work over the internet. She said I could just send her some pictures and she’d help me put together a plan and give me some ideas on how to freshen things up based on my budget. It can all be done through the email. My living room will be forever indebted to Al Gore for inventing the internet. TECHNOLOGY IS A WONDER.

    I emailed her back and said SIGN ME UP. We decided to wait until after Christmas because of the tree in the living room and all that, but now I’ve spent the last two days snapping pictures of my living room from every possible angle and sending them to Holly with helpful descriptions like “It’s not a goldy-gold, but more a of brownish-gold” and “It’s a little bit of leopard print but kind of cheetah-ish” and “I don’t know what I like but I’ll know it when I see it”.

    Bless her heart.

    But the amazing thing is that after just two of my incredibly helpful, insightful emails, Holly began to email me back with ideas and suggestions that I adored. She is totally getting my taste and what I want. Which is amazing considering that I didn’t even know what I wanted.

    As we go through the whole thing, I thought it would be fun to do occasional posts on the progress with before and after pictures. It’s not going to be anything extensive (especially since I promised P when we bought this couch that we’d keep it until Caroline hauled it off to college while complaining that she can’t believe I’m making her take our beat up old couch) but I think it will show how some small changes can make a big difference. And, also, how the internet is AMAZING because how else can you explain that the person that I saw featured in Better Homes and Gardens FIVE YEARS AGO BEFORE I EVEN HAD A BLOG is helping me decorate my house.

    (Well, not my whole house. Just my living room. At least until I can sweet talk P into getting off his wallet so I can make some changes in the kitchen.)

    Lastly, you have got to go check out Holly Mathis Interiors. Her creativity astounds me. Plus she might be able to help you since, THANKS TO THE INTERNET AND DIGITAL CAMERAS, she isn’t limited by proximity.

    Hooray for technology.

    And hooray for finally getting rid of the fake plant that resides behind my couch for the sole purpose of catching dust.

  • There may be some useful information here, but I wouldn’t get your hopes up

    There was a point last week after all the Christmas festivities were over that I began to think how sad it was going to be when Caroline had to go back to school. But then P left town for four days to go hunting with some friends. Caroline and I spent those days playing vast amounts of Monopoly Junior and putting the same Scooby Doo puzzle together over and OVER again while watching G-Force which, if you don’t know (and if you don’t have kids then why would you?), is all about some guinea pigs in the special forces.

    Then I let her sleep with me in my bed and she pulled off her socks in the middle of the night, flung them on my face and said, “Here. I’m tired of wearing these now.” Never mind that I was sound asleep and didn’t really need to know about her sock issues. It was a combination that caused my sadness over the impending end of Christmas vacation to wane just a bit.

    So yesterday marked our re-entry into the real world. Actually it marked her re-entry. P took her to school so I spent most of the morning in my pajamas immersed in important internet research. Namely, trying to see if anyone has this Lucky Brand leopard print coat on sale yet. It appears the answer is no.

    But I felt like I’d earned a little bit of down time, especially since we spent the last day of vacation going to a birthday party that involved ice-skating. As in, I had to put on shoes of death and attempt to glide across an icy surface with my thirty-eight year center of gravity.

    However, P picked up some delicious sandwiches for lunch which caused me to rally. We got the rest of our Christmas decorations safely tucked away in the attic and achieved something that hasn’t happened in this house since FOREVER.

    Oh sure. It may just look like a piece of furniture to you, but it is a piece of furniture (with ducks swimming under it apparently) that we move into our bedroom every year to make room for our Christmas tree. And it usually remains there until mid-April. I spend countless hours staring at the blank wall across from our couch and think about how we really ought to move the church pew but then I see something shiny on T.V. and forget about it.

    But this year it’s already back in its rightful position in the living room. HOORAY FOR 2010, you have already exceeded my expectations.

    Also, hooray for Martha Stewart who taught me a little trick about moving heavy furniture by placing towels under it and sliding it across the floor. She also taught me how to make beautiful ponchos but that’s a story for another time because it would be complete fiction and I’d have to make it up first.

    Anyway, thanks to Martha, I moved that pew before and after Christmas ALL BY MYSELF. In fact, while I was in the midst of sliding it back to our bedroom before Christmas, P walked in the back door, saw me pushing that pew across the kitchen floor with it jacked up on two beach towels and said, “I’ll be outside if you need anything”.

    Because why would I need help moving a 200 pound piece of furniture. I mean, I had beach towels to help me.

    Although yesterday he did help me PIVOT it into the living room which probably saved a large chunk of our wall from being sacrificed at the hands of the Martha Stewart moving method. Honestly, I’m not even sure I learned it from Martha. It might have just been on HGTV or an episode of Friends. I can’t remember.

    I realize this post passed the random mark about four hundred words ago (Who cares about my pew? Who needs to know about the beach towels? Is it important that my child threw socks in my face?) and if you don’t care about football then please feel free to quit reading at this point.

    Is it just me or has this bowl season been the most random one in the history of bowl season? I don’t want to offend anyone but if someone had listed these bowl games match-ups back in August, I would have thought they were making it up. Frankly, I’m bored.

    And I realize there’s still a big game to come on Thursday, but I don’t really want to talk about it.

    I’d rather bask in the glory of my furniture-moving success.

  • Anchors and fireworks and 2009 aweigh

    I realize we’re only four days in but so far 2010 is turning out to be a pretty good year. Of course how could I complain about a year that’s already involved two mornings of staying in our pajamas until noon and watching Loony Tunes in bed? And by our pajamas, I mean Caroline and me. P would never stay in his pajamas until noon watching Loony Tunes.

    I think he has something against Elmer Fudd. Maybe it’s the goofy hat he wears while hunting wabbits.

    Not that P has much room to talk.

    Two things make me happy about this picture:

    1. Caroline and her friend S. took it after he took them hunting on New Year’s Eve. They assured him that they got the entire deer in the picture.

    They lied.

    2. Right after the picture was taken, P told me that S asked him, “Mr. P, why do you wear that sailor’s hat when you go hunting?”

    She makes an excellent point. P explained to her that it isn’t actually a camo sailor’s hat, but rather a hat that he’s just cinched up to the point that it looks like a sailor’s hat.

    I’m not sure that makes it any better.

    Speaking of New Year’s Eve, we had a big one. Our good friends invited us and Gulley and her family down to their ranch to ring in the New Year. And since we are never one to turn down a good time with friends in favor of sitting home and doing absolutely nothing, we jumped at the chance to go.

    So on Thursday morning, we loaded up P’s truck with all manner of hunting paraphernalia and headed south. We made a few quick stops for Sonic drinks and tots, fireworks, and some type of gasoline cleaner. I’m not sure what that last item has to do with New Year’s Eve fun, but P felt it was essential because the Polaris was acting a little temperamental and the last time it acted funny it ended up slamming itself into a wall while being repaired. In other words, better safe than sorry.

    We finally made it to the ranch and spent some time hanging out on the front porch until it was time for the evening hunt. P and Caroline planned to hunt deer and pigs. I planned to hunt for the Pioneer Woman’s olive cheese bread that Gulley brought to the ranch. Viva la difference.

    The kids all milled around in the yard until Will and his friend A decided that they were going to go on a hunt by themselves and took off in their very own all-terrain vehicle.

    Notice that A has his toy gun resting securely on his lap.

    A few minutes later we noticed that not only had they gone out hunting, but they’d managed to get a deer and load it into the Polaris all by themselves. Quite an accomplishment for a couple of four year old boys.

    Needless to say, it is quite the trophy. It’s not every day that you hunt down the elusive inflatable deer.

    After that, the kids were all inspired to get in a little practice with their BB guns.

    Mamas, lock up your turtles.

    Then it was time for P to take his two buddies out for the evening hunt.

    He wasn’t very optimistic about their prospects since there tends to be a lot of hair flipping and giggling that goes on in this particular little posse of hunters. P just can’t resist the urge to flip his hair and giggle. But they managed to have some success in the form of an eight point buck that wasn’t frightened away by all the giggling.

    I’ve known for years that deer aren’t as easily frightened by smells and noise as hunting experts lead you to believe because I performed my own very scientific research one time when P put me in a hunting blind by myself. Those deer weren’t frightened away by the scent of the perfume samples falling out of my InStyle magazine or when I started yelling at them out the window to see if they’d run away. Maybe those hunting experts ought to try that method instead of covering themselves in all sorts of malodorous scents. Maybe those big bucks are more enticed by the scent of Lovely by Sarah Jessica Parker.

    Something to think about, Cabelas.

    After the mighty hunters returned, it was time for the big event. The olive cheese bread.

    Oh, and an amateur firework show put on by men who subscribe to the theory that it’s not really a fire unless you’re scared.

    The kids could not wait for the show to begin.

    But then decided to climb up into the truck tower because who wouldn’t want to be closer to the explosions?

    The men began to choose from their arsenal of fireworks. And I do mean arsenal.

    I’ve always believed you can’t have enough Stampede Super Bombs.

    P was a fan of the big W. He’s also a fan of any opportunity to wear his Cabela’s head lamp.

    The kids decided to get in on the action with some sparklers.

    And before we knew it, P turned his headlamp back on and prepared for the FINAL ATTACK.

    Let’s take a closer look.

    Oh my word.

    The Chinese manufacturers weren’t playing around when they designed that packaging. What is more frightening than a depiction of a general in a tank on a box of explosives? I mean other than the Christmas tree needles that I’m still finding in my carpet a full week after we took our tree down?

    But while the FINAL ATTACK was being readied for launch, our kids made up a fun, new game with their sparklers. A little game called LET’S LIGHT THE GRASS ON FIRE.

    Oh, it was hilarious.

    If you’re a pyromaniac.

    It required that some bigger boots be called into action.

    I sat there watching the little firestarters light their fires and laugh maniacally while they stomped them out with their boots and thought that none of this would be happening if they still aired those commercials of that Indian crying one single tear down his cheek.

    And then I remembered that the Indian was crying because of all the litter. I had him mixed up with Smokey the Bear who always said, “Give a hoot! Don’t pollute!” But I realized that was Woodsy the Owl. Then I thought about Mr. Yuk who was green and warned kids not to eat poison. And then I decided that I watched a lot of television as a child.

    The point is that Smokey always said, “Only you can prevent forest fires.”

    Which is totally true.

    Fortunately, we weren’t in a forest but rather on a small patch of grass surrounded by gravel roads. They were easily contained. It was completely safe, harmless New Year’s Eve fun for everyone.

    Except for maybe that 8 point buck. He probably hadn’t planned on getting shot by a sailor on New Year’s Eve.

  • So, it’s been a year

    I’ve never been one to make a lot of New Year’s resolutions. Maybe it’s because they are very similar to goals and, honestly, who needs that kind of pressure?

    However, if I were the type of person to make resolutions then I’m ahead of the game because I’ve already accomplished something significant and the new year hasn’t even begun.

    That’s right. I will ring in 2010 smelling of cucumber and aloe. I felt like I should treat my underarms to the aloe after all they have endured with the Degree Cool Sport for Men for the last month.

    It seems that since this is my last post of 2009 that I should write some sort of recap of the year but I don’t really know what to say about 2009. I won’t remember it as a great year and I won’t remember it as a bad year. It’s just been a year. Don’t get me wrong, there have been a lot of fun times and I’ve had more moments than I can recall where I have laughed until I’ve cried. There has been much joy and sweetness.

    But in some ways I’ve spent a lot of the past year feeling a little stagnant. I started the year feeling like I kind of knew where life was headed, but then it just seemed to stall out a little. And the truth of it is that I think I’m the one who stalled. I just got tired and lost my way a little bit.

    I was reading through Judges the other day (Yes, I’m a little behind in my plan to read the Bible in a year. Don’t judge me. Get it? Don’t judge me? Because I’m in Judges? Just a little nerdy Christian humor.) and came to the story of Gideon in Judges 6. The Israelites have been invaded by the Midianites and they are totally oppressed by them. In the midst of all this, there is a man named Gideon who is threshing wheat in a winepress. Normally, according to the wheat-threshing experts, he’d thresh his wheat out in the open. But he’s afraid of the Midianites and so he is hiding.

    And while he is hiding out, an angel appears to him and says “The Lord is with you, mighty warrior.” Oh, how I love an angel who deals in irony. Mighty warrior? Gideon is hiding. He’s threshing his wheat in fear and yet the angel calls him a mighty warrior.

    The angel has come to tell him that God is going to use him to deliver the Israelites from Midian. At first, Gideon doesn’t believe it. In fact, he asks God for a sign two different times to make sure he’s heard Him right.

    Ultimately he ends up being exactly what the angel called him, a mighty warrior. He defeats the Midianites using only three hundred men. Do you see what God did there? He called what was not as though it were. That’s what God does. In Romans 4:17 it says He is “the God who gives life to the dead and calls things that are not as though they were.”

    God sees what we can’t see. He sees something where there is nothing. And, even though I’ve read the story of Gideon and had that revelation before, I read it with fresh eyes the other day. I needed the reminder that God sees something in me that I don’t see in myself. I see all my fears and insecurities and worries and just general yuck, but He looks at me and sees something entirely different. He sees something He can use for His plans and purposes.

    Honestly, I don’t really know what that looks like right now. This has been a year of Him changing my heart about some things and keeping my heart hoping for some others. It’s been a year of me wanting to know all the answers, but at the same time realizing that knowing all the answers doesn’t require faith.

    All that to say that I want 2010 to be about hearing His voice. Because He sees something where there is nothing and I want to see what He sees.

    I wish you all a 2010 full of lots of happy and joy. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it another thousand times, this blog wouldn’t be any fun without every single one of you. Thank you.

  • Just a lot of nothing much

    I’m not sure what we’ve done in the days since Christmas, but I know that I’ve spent most of that time being cold. However, this summer when it was 126 degrees for three months straight, I vowed that I would never again complain about being cold. So I’m not complaining, it’s just an observation. And I guess we could turn on the heat, but I’m not a fan of the heat. It makes me feel like I can’t breathe and I’d rather just be cold.

    Not that I’m complaining about being cold. It’s totally fine.

    (I think the fact that I just talked about the temperature for that many consecutive sentences is a good indicator that I haven’t done much in the last few days. Maybe I should actually leave the house or something.)

    I did manage to get the Christmas tree down on Sunday. Normally I’ll leave the tree up until around New Year’s and I definitely would have left this one up because it was my favorite tree EVER, but it had been dead for the better part of a week before Christmas and reached a level of dryness that I felt certain was going to lead to spontaneous combustion.

    (I just used a lot of words to say I was afraid it was going to catch ON FIRE.)

    (Also, P and his friend George used to take our Christmas tree out in the backyard after Christmas each year, put it in our fire pit and light that sucker up. I always thought it would be immediately engulfed in flames, but the trees would always just smoke and smolder. Highly anti-climatic.)

    (I’m not sure that it was legal for us to try to burn our tree in the backyard but that’s before we had a child and needed to set a good example. Clearly we had a lot of time on our hands.)

    (I kind of want to make fun of P for setting our Christmas tree on fire, but who was the idiot who stood outside to watch him do it?)

    Anyway, I’d hoped to convince Caroline that taking down the Christmas decorations is as much fun as putting them up, but she didn’t buy it. I guess watching me attempt to untangle twelve strands of Christmas lights from a dead tree with needles of death didn’t create a persuasive argument. Especially when I debated just throwing the whole thing out, lights and all.

    But, eventually, I got everything put away and all that’s left of Christmas are the battery-operated animals and a few random pine needles that embed themselves in my wool socks and impale my feet. Next year I’m wishing for a male six-plumed bird of paradise.

    That may seem like a random wish until I tell you that we watched the Planet Earth movie that Santa brought and learned the male six-plumed bird of paradise is a meticulous cleaner. It’s how he woos his mate. Unfortunately for the bird in the movie, his lady friend was a no-show. I guess she didn’t want to go on a field trip with him even though his house was spotless. She obviously wasn’t a woman with a house covered in the remnants of Christmas.

    So that’s what we’ve been doing around here. Taking down decorations and watching Disney documentaries on nature.

    (And I don’t want to ruin the ending of Planet Earth, but it doesn’t turn out well for some of the animals. Of course given the way Disney is never afraid to knock off a parent for a good story, it’s hardly surprising.)

    On a brighter note for animals everywhere, yesterday was rainy and COLD so Gulley and I took the kids to see Alvin and The Chipmunks “The Squeakquel”.

    Spoiler Alert:
    It all turns out okay for Alvin, Simon and Theodore.

    Of course my ears started bleeding from listening to them halfway through the movie, but that’s not really important.

    It’s not like I really need them, except for when I want to hear.