Author: Big Mama

Bang, bang, bang on the door baby

I had an appointment to get my hair cut this past Wednesday, but in spite of all the hair wisdom y’all shared last week, I was on the fence about whether or not to get bangs.

So Tuesday night I turned to P, sighed loudly and said, “I don’t know what to do about my hair.”

(To his credit he turned and looked at me like he was actually interested.)

“What do you mean?

“Well, I don’t know if I want to get bangs or just leave it alone.”

“What do bangs look like?”

“What? What do you mean what do bangs look like? They look like bangs. Like this.”, I said as I pulled a few pieces of very long hair across my forehead in an attempt to create the illusion of bangs.

“Yeah, that doesn’t really help. Tell me the pros and cons of bangs.”

(For the record this entire conversation never would have happened if there had been ANYTHING on T.V.)

I listed the various pros and cons of bangs with involved details regarding humidity, frizz, and an unfortunate cowlick. Finally P said, “Haven’t you gotten bangs before and then regretted it immediately?”

“Yes. But it wasn’t so much immediate regret as 48-hours-later-regret.”

“I think you have your answer.”

He is the cool head of reason in the midst of all my turmoil.

And also the wind beneath my wings.

Caroline went with me to the beauty shop on Wednesday because I’d scheduled back-to-back appointments for us at her request. When we got there she informed me that she wanted to go first. It was too late when I realized this was so she could spend my entire haircut experience asking, “How much longer until we leave?” while simultaneously complaining about being hungry in spite of the fact that she bogarted about six Pepperidge Farm Milano cookies before we left the house.

Amazingly, her hunger totally disappeared the minute our hairdresser asked her if she’d like a piece of Laffy Taffy. Of course everyone knows that there is nothing more filling or satisfying than a bite-size piece of taffy.

Anyway, Caroline was first up in the chair. I told our hairdresser I wanted her to cut Caroline’s hair a little bit shorter than usual, like maybe to right below her shoulders. Now that it’s almost summer (ALMOST being the key word. Dang you Department of Education.) and all our days will be spent at the pool, I don’t want the nightly drama that naturally occurs whenever there’s a comb and tangle-free spray involved. Oh the humanity of a mother who believes in good grooming.

I was a little worried that Caroline would freak out, but when she saw herself in the mirror she got a big smile on her face. About that time my hairdresser said, “Do you want me to cut bangs or just leave it all one length?”

After pausing for a minute I said “Just leave it”, but then Caroline looked up at the hairdresser and said in a calm, even voice, “I WANT BANGS.”

She dared to go where her mama was afraid to go.

So for the first time since she was three years old, she has bangs.

There are no words to describe the amount of sassy she feels with her new look or how many times she’s admired herself in the mirror, but when I asked her to pose for a picture with her new bangs this is what I got.

I think it’s safe to say she feels no bang regret.

And I don’t know if she’s ever looked cuter.

As for me, I got two inches trimmed off the back. She obviously didn’t inherit her hair courage from me.

Of course I don’t think she got it from P either considering his hair hasn’t changed in the fifteen years I’ve known him.

She is a coiffure maverick.

Y’all have a great Friday.

(On a totally different note, I’d totally forgotten that I never answered any of the questions that y’all asked in the comments of a post I wrote over a month ago. My goal is to answer at least of few of them sometime next week because I believe it’s good to have goals.)
When old friends literally become OLD friends

When P and I first started dating, lo these many years ago, it wasn’t too long before he introduced me to all his oldest friends. In fact, I remember attending one of their weddings pretty early in our relationship and then going with a group of ushers and groomsmen still decked out in their tuxes to see “Braveheart” at the movie theater while I hoped I was making a good impression as the new girl.

(Dang. We are old.)

I must have made a good impression because about four months later we were all sitting around a huge dining table on Thanksgiving night when someone asked, “P, are you going to marry Melanie? What’s taking you so long?”

I never knew a room could suddenly get so quiet.

I’ll tell you what wasn’t quiet, P’s truck on the way home as I cried and asked him why it took him so long to come up with an answer. Bless his heart.

They have all known each other forever so when they all get together it immediately turns into a game of “remember when”. For example, “Remember when what’s-his-name shot a hole through the floor of your Bronco? That was HILARIOUS.”

However, some of their fondest memories from days of old seemed to revolve around a place they actually refer to as Squalor. Apparently, there were good times to be had at Squalor, which was a ratty old deer camp where Jay and Scott’s daddy let them stay when they were down at the ranch.

Can you believe I married a guy who used to self-admittedly hang out in a place called Squalor?

Yeah, me neither.

During the last fifteen years, we’ve gotten together with varying degrees of frequency depending on who is living where and if there happens to be a wedding shower, a wedding, or a baby shower. And there have been MANY of those over the years.

Which explains why we found ourselves at the lake on Sunday surrounded by about fifty kids of varying ages all decked out in Spiderman and Barbie lifejackets.

Early last week, Jay and Dawn called and invited us out to the lake to celebrate Jay’s 40th birthday, which has to be a mistake because FORTY? Seriously? How are we old enough to be friends with people that are turning forty?

We jumped at the chance to go because we haven’t all gotten together in a sweet forever, despite our constant promises that we’ll all get together soon. Our friend George used to say that Jay never grasped the concept of object permanence, meaning that unless an object is right in front you, you forget it exists. Apparently, as we’ve married and had kids, we all struggle with that concept. I believe it’s directly proportional to sleep deprivation due to infants and maybe drinking too much Lone Star Light when we were in college.

Not that I drank Lone Star Light.

I was more of a Zima kind of girl. Because I like a classy beverage.

Anyway, after church on Sunday we headed out to the lake. When we arrived, Jay came out to greet us wearing black socks that came to mid-calf with his tennis shoes. I was so relieved when I realized it was a joke because for a moment I really believed that we were just minutes away from spending an afternoon sitting on the porch while we discussed our artificial hips and that garbage the kids call music these days.

It took Caroline all of about 2.4 seconds to get her suit on, get in the lake and find a new best friend. Our friends Scott and Caroline have a four-year-old little girl that equally matched Caroline’s daredevil ways and they were like peas and carrots the rest of the day.

This is Caroline getting into the unbelievably frigid water for the first time.

She’s never been one to let a little hypothermia keep her from having a good time.

When Caroline was an infant, I agreed that I’d do most of the diaper changes if P would promise to always be the one to swim with her in freezing cold water. At the time, it seemed like he got the better end of the deal (literally) but now that she’s five, completely potty-trained, and is training for a future as a member of the Polar Bears Club the pendulum has swung in my direction.

So while he treaded water in an attempt to keep the blood flowing to his legs, I sat on the dock in the warm sunshine and enjoyed this view.

Here’s Caroline with her new friend. P played a game with them all afternoon where he’d capsize their floatie and call it a sinkie. (I married him for his looks and his creativity!) He kept thinking they’d get tired of it, but clearly he’s never had to play Candyland for eight hours straight.

At one point, P looked at Scott, Jay and George and asked if they could have imagined when they were all sitting on this dock as high school boys with a penchant for getting in their share of trouble, that one day they’d be sitting in that same spot as the fathers of seven daughters and three sons.

God has a sense of humor.

Later on, the little girls did some tubing. The squeals echoed from every corner of the lake.

Then, later, they took turns jumping off the dock.

Hello future track scholarship.

I think her legs grow about three inches while she sleeps every night.

Finally, with blue lips and chattering teeth, they admitted they were freezing and ready to get out of the water.

Don’t let her fool you. She only stayed that still for about two minutes before she took off running for the house as soon as she heard the words “time for birthday cake”.

She comes by it honestly.

We went inside to sing Happy Birthday to the birthday boy (birthday middle-aged man doesn’t have the same flair) and as I looked around the kitchen I felt blessed by all the years of friendship represented in that room and the fact that we can all get together and just pick up where we left off as if no time has passed at all. That’s a gift.

I’ll tell you what else was a gift. The birthday cake. It was maybe the best cake I’ve ever had. Chocolate with chocolate icing covered with a thick layer of chopped Heath Bar. I honestly can’t quit thinking about it. In fact, the next time I bake a chocolate cake I’m going to beat the heck out of some Heath Bars and try to recreate what I believe to be one of the culinary masterpieces of our time.

The whole day couldn’t have been better. I believe Caroline summed it up best when we told her it was time to go home and she looked at us with teary eyes and announced, “I am the saddest girl in the whole world”.

I don’t know where she gets the drama.
Episode 16 Big Boo Cast

Several of you (at last count at least two maybe even four) have emailed and asked for a new podcast. If only you knew all the podcasts that have been recorded only to have technical difficulties. In fact, last night when I told P I was going to podcast with Sophie and Travis, he told me he’d never seen three people waste so much time for something that never sees the light of day.

Oh, but we showed him because not only do we have a podcast up and ready to go, it is chock-full of some of the most trivial and random information a person could find in one convenient location.

In fact, I can’t even remember what all we discuss, although I know the original reason we did it was to talk to Travis about his new CD. Needless to say, we veered off course.

Way off course.

Anyway, it’s not like there’s anything good on T.V. so if you want to spend an hour of your life that you’ll never get back listening, you can click here to listen. Or here.
Summer at (and in) the movies

Let me just say that it goes against all laws of nature and fun to have eight days of school left after Memorial Day weekend. I don’t know what genius at the Board of Education came up with this plan, but sir, it was a bad one. I am over making ham sandwiches at 7 a.m. every morning, especially since Caroline informed me that the sweet little notes I put in her lunch box aren’t exciting enough anymore and, in her words, “need more pictures and better stuff on them”. Apparently she and her friends are tired of the same old flowers and smiley face.

Wow. Tough crowd.

The sad part is that I actually let a bunch of Kindergarten hecklers influence my note-writing efforts and what once was a simple morning routine has turned into a daily art project that causes me to get out Sharpie markers in an array of colors and attempt to draw rainbows and bunnies. If there weren’t just eight days of school left, I might eventually be forced to break out the glitter pens.

Anyway, we had a great Memorial Day weekend filled with everything a holiday weekend should entail. Eating out, swimming, making a movie, going to the lake, and more swimming.

Did you catch the part about making a movie?

Gulley called me last Friday morning and said that her oldest son, Jackson, was making a movie about superheroes in their backyard at 11 a.m. on Saturday morning and had requested that Caroline be there in her Wonder Woman costume. Well, HELLO, yes she’ll be there. It could be the big break she’s been waiting for!

Of course when I called Gulley later in the day to confirm our Saturday film schedule, Jackson answered the phone. He informed me that we needed to be there at 11:00 but filming wouldn’t begin until 11:53, and also, his mom didn’t have time to talk on the phone right now because they were going on a walk.

Directors can be so bossy.

Caroline spent Friday night with Mimi and Bops, so I went to their house about 10:30 a.m. to get Wonder Woman ready for her big role. She even brought me the teasing comb so I could make her hair “REALLY FLUFFY” like Wonder Woman. I called Gulley to let her know we were running a little bit late due to all the hair maintenance because I didn’t want Caroline to get a reputation as a diva with no respect for filming schedules. That’s the kind of stuff that can kill a career.

(You know the other thing that can kill an acting career? Killing John Wayne in a movie. I learned last night that when Bruce Dern killed John Wayne in “Cowboys” that it practically ended his career. Don’t mess with John Wayne.)

(Have I ever mentioned that my head is filled with countless bits of random and totally useless trivia?)

When we arrived, Jackson pointed us to a list of rules for the day.

Translation:

“Do not make noise or talk in video.

Superheroes will not cry or get mad at another superhero.

Have a good day.”

He runs a tight ship.

And he knows his cast well.

All the starring superheroes milled around the backyard without much purpose or direction for the first thirty minutes. Jackson kept trying to tell them what to do but they didn’t really pay attention.

Welcome to what it’s like to be a parent. It’s all the preparation you’ll need for a career in herding cats.

I think Wonder Woman’s costume designer didn’t realize that she’s grown about seven inches taller since Halloween, although she did manage to make some lovely arm bands using only aluminum foil and scotch tape.

Jackson finally got their attention and began rolling tape. (I know A LOT about the movie industry, including phrases like “roll tape”. Or maybe I just heard it on a Bush Beans commercial. I can’t remember.)

The superheroes are off on their mission to rid the world of evil.

What? What’s that? Is there something behind the tree?

In a surprise twist that no one saw coming, other than the fact that we all watched him pick up some plastic swords and tie a cape around his head, Gulley’s husband, J, turns out to be the villain.

The superheroes chased him out from behind the tree and began to attack.

(I’m really no good at action photography, or really any photography, which explains the blurry shots)

Like all fierce villains, he carried not only three different swords, but also the dreaded rubber snake in his back pocket.

But he was no match for the homemade Justice League. They got him down.

The boys grabbed the swords while Caroline “whoop-ed” him with her golden lasso of truth, also known as some gold drapery cord from Bed, Bath and Beyond.

J did more than his share of Ninja rolls across the backyard as he tried to escape. In fact, I’d be willing to bet an ice pack and some Icy Hot were his friend later that evening.

The most suspenseful part of the whole film was when the two-year-old Incredible Hulk found a 2 x 4 in the backyard and decided he was going to show these big kids what real weaponry is all about. Fortunately we saw the whole thing happen before it turned into a scene from a WWF match.

After filming wrapped, Gulley served as a makeshift Kraft Services and had Dino Nuggets, cookies and juice boxes waiting for everyone. Then we hooked up the video camera to the T.V. so they could all watch their creation.

It was akin to watching a Super Hero version of “The Blair Witch Project”. I haven’t felt that dizzy since the last time I waited until noon to drink a Diet Coke.

But the kids LOVED it. They laughed, they cried, they gave it two thumbs up.

In fact, Gulley turned to me and said, “Why on earth do we pay $8.00 a piece to take them to the theater when they’re so entertained with this?”

I foresee a summer filled with microwave popcorn, a videocamera and possibly the occasional 2 x 4. Granted, it may be hard for J to keep explaining that he needs time off work to accommodate his burgeoning film career, but in the long run it will be worth it because if Jackson grows up to be a famous filmmaker we can sell bootleg copies of his debut effort, retire in style, and travel around the United States in a tricked out Winnebago.

I mean, I’m pretty sure this is how Steven Spielberg started out and that whole movie he made about a shark turned out to be kind of successful.
Travis Cottrell Giveaway

Good news! It’s another giveaway!

However, I just realized the title makes it sound like I’m giving away Travis Cottrell.

Which I’m not.

But how cool would it be if I was? Because hey! Free Travis Cottrell. He could just ride around in the backseat of your car while you throw out song requests all day long. He does a mean Neil Diamond impression.

For those of you who don’t know, Travis leads worship for Beth Moore’s Living Proof Live events among other things and he is just an amazing worship leader. AMAZING.

And his new CD “Jesus Saves Live” is phenomenal. PHENOMENAL.

And I’m giving away TWENTY copies on my Giveaway page. Click on over for a chance to win.
CWDKids giveaway winner

I hope y’all are having a great Memorial Day weekend. We have had a weekend o’ big fun here. BIG FUN.

Thank you all so much for participating in the CWDKids giveaway. At the end of the contest there were 921 comments once I added in the comments that people left on my contact page before I realized I was an idiot and left the comments disabled on the giveaway.

I can never quite get the giveaway thing figured out. It always involves math drama and it really doesn’t help when I’m trying to carry a number in my head while Caroline “helps” by calling out “FORTY-FIVE! SIX! TWENTY-SEVEN!”

All that being said, Random.org chose 223.

The winner is Elonda with a hotmail email address.

Congratulations, Elonda!

For those of y’all who didn’t win, make sure to check out CWDKids Kidbits blog. They always have something fun going on.

Also, I’ll be back tomorrow with another giveaway, so make sure you check it out!

Now I’m off to the pool. AGAIN.