Author: Big Mama

  • Because love means never having to say this movie is sorry

    I really try to stay away from controversy on the blog, but I can’t help myself today. And I know many of y’all are going to disagree with me and that’s just a chance I’m going to have to take.

    I cannot remain silent on this topic any longer.

    What is it about Valentine’s Day that makes T.V. stations want to air “Sleepless in Seattle” all day long? Because, I’m going to be honest here, I didn’t think the movie was all that great even when it first came out.

    I realize that saying I don’t like “Sleepless in Seattle” may be akin to saying that I don’t like boxes of puppies or the George Foreman grill, but I just think it’s kind of a lame movie. Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan are never even in the same scene until the end of the movie. It gets on my nerves.

    And maybe I’m just a little cranky because the most memorable moment of my Valentine’s Day this year was when Caroline and I were wrestling and she jumped up and her head landed right under my chin causing my mouth to bleed profusely. I spent the better part of the early evening checking to see if my teeth were loose because I endured two years of adult orthodontia and am slightly obsessed with my teeth.

    I mean, I don’t spend a lot of time admiring my teeth or anything. I just want them to stick around for awhile since I paid to have them all straightened out. Just wanted to clarify.

    Anyway, if I had the time to lie on the couch and watch a movie marathon on Valentine’s Day (or any day, for that matter) here are the romantic movies I’d want to watch.

    1. When Harry Met Sally – See? I don’t dislike Meg Ryan. I love Meg Ryan. I just like her in movies where you actually get to see her with the leading man for more than 3 minutes. And the New Year’s Eve scene when Billy Crystal realizes he loves her makes me cry every time.

    2. The Philadelphia Story (Katherine Hepburn and Cary Grant version) – I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve watched it. Yes, Cary Grant is dreamy, but I adore Katherine Hepburn in this movie.

    3. Sixteen Candles – Jake Ryan stands the test of time. Sadly, the same cannot be said of the baby’s breath wreath that Molly Ringwald has in her hair at the end of the movie.

    4. Pretty in Pink – “What about prom, Blaine? What about prom?” It reeks of high school drama and I still love every minute of it.

    5. Gone with the Wind – I’m a sucker for Rhett and Scarlett.

    6. Return to Me – Okay so the whole premise is a little far-fetched, but I love it anyway.

    7. Pride and Prejudice – Because the ending is brilliant.

    Elizabeth Bennet: “You may only call me ‘Mrs. Darcy’ when you are completely, perfectly and incandescently happy.”

    Mr. Darcy: “And how are you this evening… Mrs. Darcy?”

    It makes me a little swoony.

    8. Notting Hill – Let’s all say it together. “I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.”

    I’m not saying that “Sleepless in Seattle” should never be shown again (although it wouldn’t bother me if it wasn’t) I’m just saying that perhaps instead of airing the same movie ALL DAY LONG, the Oxygen channel might want to shake things up a bit. Maybe show something else so that the folks at home don’t feel the urge to throw a bottle of Advil (in their hands because they just incurred a severe mouth injury at the hands of their child) at Tom Hanks.

    Because, heaven knows, you couldn’t throw it at Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan because they’re never in the same scene.

    So, how was your Valentine’s Day? And, more importantly, what love stories would you want to watch if you had all day to lie on the couch and eat chocolate?

  • Edition 51: Fashion Friday

    I know that I’ve expressed my frustration at the new Target (have I mentioned how far it is from my house?) many, MANY times. On the bright side, I’ve cut way back on my Mossimo consumption, but there are some days when you just really want to push that big, red cart around the store and check out all the stuff you don’t really need but feel compelled to buy because LOOK HOW CUTE THOSE VALENTINES PLATES ARE THAT I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW I WANTED!

    So on Tuesday, Gulley and I made the fourteen minute trip to Target because we needed to purchase Valentine paraphernalia and I desperately needed to get a new pair of jeans for Caroline.

    The good news is I found a great pair of jeans for her for only $9.99. The bad news is I was almost suckered in to buying her a pair of pink madras bermuda shorts for $14.99.

    Dear Target,

    We are in the midst of the greatest recession of our generation. This is not the time to start charging upwards of $10.00 for an item of clothing that doesn’t even consist of a yard of fabric. Please go back to the days of yore when I could purchase some cute Circo child’s items for $4.99. You are getting way too big for your pink madras bermuda short britches.

    Also, I resent the fact that you’ve moved to a location that requires me to stop at three additional stoplights and one superfluous stop sign.

    Sincerely,

    Melanie

    Now for the questions.

    1. Angie asks: “Is there a way to LEARN to be fashionable? I am truly so bad that sometimes I come downstairs to leave for church and my husband sends me back up to change shoes! Is there hope for me?”

    Yes, Angie, there is hope for you.

    If you really want to learn more about fashion, then the best place to start is figuring out your own style and taste. Don’t let those things be completely dictated by fashion magazines. Just because something is trendy doesn’t necessarily mean it’s in your best interest.

    Oh how I wish I could go back and give that advice to my twenty-year-old self when I sported those bright red jeans from Express with a bedazzled top.

    Buy some magazines or look online at different clothing sites and pay attention to the looks you like and what fits your lifestyle. You’ll probably start to see a common theme. Most retail sites have a section that shows full outfits and it can serve as a great guide to putting together a complete outfit including shoes and a handbag.

    Another good tip is to start by wearing basics. Wear jeans and a simple black top, then begin adding fashionable accessories like a scarf and a cute pair of earrings.

    2. Desha asks: “Where do you stand on ballet flats? I love them, but most of the men I talk to (including my husband) think they are hideous.”

    I don’t stand on ballet flats because I think they are hideous.

    Ba-da-pum. Thank you and don’t forget to tip your waiter.

    Okay, seriously. I don’t dislike ballet flats but, for the most part, I dislike them on me. I think most of my ballet flat issues can be traced directly back to 1985 when I wouldn’t leave the house unless I had on a pair of ballet flats that perfectly matched my oversized Esprit sweater and the lace bow in my hair a la Madonna.

    All that being said, I see other people wearing them and I think they look precious. Maybe I should go to some sort of ballet flat therapy so I can get past my bare-feet-crammed-in-synthetic-leather-shoes-with-no-ventilation phobia.

    And then I could go actually make myself wear some darling flats like these or these.

    But probably not since just looking at them kind of makes my stomach feel funny. It’s my own personal issue. I’m a girl who likes a heel.

    3. Christina and Amy separately asked two questions that go together: “Where are some good places to shop online and what items do I feel safe buying online and not trying on?”

    I’ll be honest and say that I do a lot of online browsing for clothes, but not a lot of online buying. I am a big fan of the whole shopping experience. I like to walk through the racks of clothes and feel fabrics and try things on in the dressing room. I prefer the instant gratification of immediate purchase as opposed to “your item will ship in 4-5 days and then there will be a 90% chance that it won’t be as cute as depicted on the size 0 model”.

    The few exceptions to that rule are Boden and Bluefly, mainly because neither of those sites has a storefront that I can actually visit, which is a good thing because I am more than a little obsessed with Boden and would like to live in their catalog. If I had actual real-life access to this tunic or these shoes, I would be powerless to resist.

    And then I’d come home with them and P would make me return them because have I not noticed that the economy is in the toilet?

    Sad times.

    Have I even answered either of these questions?

    Okay, other than Boden and Bluefly, I like to look online at ShopBop, Anthropologie, Gap, Banana Republic, Francescas Collections, Sam Moon, TopShop, J.Crew, Nordstrom and Piperlime.

    There is also a great online shopping service that I’ve mentioned before, but I’ll mention it again because it’s been awhile. It’s called Shop It To Me. You create an account where you can enter in the brands you like, the stores you like and the sizes you wear in everything and then twice a week they send you an email listing everything that’s on sale. It’s like your own personal shopper and it is SOLID GOLD.

    As for what I think is safe to buy online, I think it all depends on the return policy. If they offer free returns then I wouldn’t hesitate to order something online, but if I’m going to have to pay to ship something back then I’ll usually opt out unless I just have to have it and can’t find it anywhere else.

    I guess what I’m saying is that I’m a fashion pessimist. I always assume most things won’t fit or might be made of some kind of itchy synthetic alpaca.

    Alright. That’s all the questions for today because it’s actually Thursday night and I’m tired. I need to gear up for our weekend ‘o Valentine festivities. And by that I mean we really don’t have much going on other than plans to listen to some Air Supply while eating Candy Conversation Hearts.

    I’m putting up the Mr. Linky if anyone wants to add their fashion two-cents.

    Y’all have a great Friday!

  • My character is still developing

    Oh my gosh, she totally licked the knife.

    I don’t know how I missed it considering that it’s the first thing you see when the video starts, but that may be a clue as to why a career with the CIA would have never worked out for me. I mean, along with the fact that I couldn’t fight my way out of wet paper bag or stop myself from telling people, “I AM TOTALLY A SUPER-COOL SPY JUST LIKE SYDNEY BRISTOW!”

    On a different note, I promise I will post pictures of the backhouse at some point, but I really want to wait until I get the door painted because right now it still looks pretty ghetto. Granted, it looks less ghetto than it did a week ago, but it’s ghetto nonetheless. My plan is to get the door painted before the weekend is over. It will be like a little Valentines Day present to myself.

    And for those of y’all who are having a hard time sleeping at night for all the wondering about what a backhouse is, you can read a post I wrote about it if you click here. Pour yourself a cup of something with a lot of caffeine because it’s fascinating stuff.

    So let me tell y’all what I did yesterday.

    I sat in a high school classroom from 9 a.m. until 1:50 p.m. Why? Why would I do that? Because in a fit of enthusiasm, peer pressure and school district loyalty, I signed up to be part of a Strategic Planning Committee on making character a priority in our district.

    It’s almost like I forgot everything I know about myself when I volunteered for this assignment, such as the part of my personality that hates meetings and agendas and research. In college I was that girl that you didn’t want in your small group project because I’d look for any excuse to not attend a meeting. There may have even been one instance in 1992 when I had Gulley call the house (no cell phones in ’92) where my group was meeting and tell me I needed to come home because there was a problem with our dog.

    We didn’t have a dog.

    So, technically, that could have been the problem.

    I was all about semantics in the early 1990’s.

    Anyway, the problem with finding yourself on a committee with the intent of character development is that you can’t exactly quit just because you’ve decided that it’s a whole lot of meetings and you might rather be painting the door of your backhouse. Oh no, you have to persevere, even though you are probably known as that girl who showed up thirty minutes late to the first meeting with a fresh Route 44 Diet Coke in your hand.

    In my defense, I thought the meeting started at 1:30 and purposely left my house early so that I’d have time to stop at Sonic for a Route 44 to sustain me. Unfortunately the meeting started at 1:00 so when I breezed through the door at 1:27, I was more than a little conspicuous. Plus I was holding that dang Diet Coke so everyone knew it wasn’t like I’d just come from an emergency vet appointment with my dog because, CLEARLY, I’d just been to the Sonic.

    I wanted to tell the entire room that I’d written the time down wrong and wasn’t trying to make a mockery of character and integrity with my laissez-faire attitude and Route 44 Diet Coke, but instead I just took my walk of shame to the back of the room while managing to knock someone’s very important research papers off their desk.

    Since that time I have made it my personal goal to be the best committee member ever. I show up promptly to all the meetings and only leave early when I have something legitimate to do, such as going to get a pedicure.

    Today, I left the meeting an hour early to be at the house when Caroline got home from school and we needed to finish her Valentines for the class party on Friday. After an hour of helping her cut, paste and write her classmates’ names somewhat legibly, I was whipped.

    But I’d also come up with a brilliant solution.

    If we want to build character in the older students in the district, all we need to do is put them in a room for a couple of hours a week with Kindergartners, construction paper, scissors, magic markers, and some glue.

    Because patience? It is a virtue.

  • PB & J, hold the PB

    There are times when I kind of wish I had another baby.

    And then I remember that the one I have knows how to make her own sandwiches and that they don’t come that way at the beginning.


    Jelly Sandwich from Big Mama on Vimeo.

    Also, how can you do better than a kid that shares my love for making instructional videos?

    By the way, I’ll be forever grateful (or at least grateful until that jar of jelly is finished) that she didn’t stick that knife back in the jar after she licked it.

    **Edited to add: Sorry it wasn’t working this morning. I didn’t change my privacy settings because I am a moron.

  • My makeup bag overfloweth

    This weekend has left me with what we in the industry refer to as writer’s block.

    I have no idea what I mean when I say “industry”. Blog industry? Mom industry? The National Federation of Backhouse Painters Industry? The Women with Severe PMS Industry? People Who Procrastinate and Watch the Grammys Industry?

    Whatever. I am struggling with the words.

    So I’m pulling out a fascinating topic. Beauty products. Specifically the top ten beauty products that are currently my can’t-live-without items. This list rotates from time to time because I believe a true beauty regimen is like a shark; you have to keep moving or you will die.

    Or at least have deep wrinkles and age spots.

    And I don’t really know if that’s true about the sharks but I heard it one time and it made a lasting impression.

    1. Oil of Olay Microdermabrasion & Peel System

    I am a huge believer in microdermabrasion. It has rescued me from a vast wasteland of sun damage in the form of large freckles, otherwise known as age spots. I’ve tried other brands, but I think this one is the best.

    Of course maybe it’s just because it makes my whole face heat up which gives the illusion of effectiveness.

    2. Hummingbird Farms Lavender Lotion

    If you ignore everything else on this list, do not ignore this. I have really dry skin and, therefore, a lotion obsession. Actually, it’s more of a passion.

    After discovering this miracle in a bottle two years ago, I cannot live without it. It is literally the only thing that keeps my hands from cracking and peeling during the winter and it smells much like I imagine heaven will smell.

    I am totally addicted. All other lotion is dead to me.

    3. Oil of Olay Regenerist Night Cream

    I decided to try this after I saw it in a magazine article that compared it to La Mer. And as much as I’d love to try La Mer, I believe that flawless skin would be pointless if I couldn’t afford to pay the light bill because no one could see me.

    Anyway, this moisturizer feels so good when I put it on and, while I don’t know if I look like I’ve had a mini-face lift each morning, it has definitely diminished the size of the wrinkles in my forehead that used to greet me in the mirror at the beginning of each new day.

    4. Neutrogena Healthy Skin Enhancer

    This is the greatest invention ever for busy women everywhere. It’s sheer coverage, spf 20, and moisturizer with retinol all in one convenient package.

    It’s genius. Sheer genius.

    Neutrogena? Call me if you’d like to use that as your marketing slogan. Or maybe you already use it. Whatever.

    5. Cover Girl Lash Blast Mascara

    I’ve talked about this before and it is a big deal that I am still committed to it after a year. Mascara monogamy has never been my strong suit.

    It goes on great, lasts all day, and it’s cheap.

    6. Physicians Formula Bronzer

    Let’s just say wintertime + my face = pasty white.

    I will give you a small piece of advice. Don’t overdo the bronzer or you will have what I refer to as “white neck syndrome” and in photographs you could look like a big, tan, floating head hovering above a body.

    Hypothetically speaking.

    7. Aussie Hi-Hold Hi-Shine Hairspray

    I bought this hairspray at Target a while back because I saw the purple Aussie bottle and became completely nostalgic for all the good times I had with my Aussie Sprunch Spray from 1986-1990.

    Also, it was only $2.99.

    As it turns out, I really like it. It has a decent amount of hold, even in humidity, and makes my hair look a little shinier than usual.

    Plus, I am a total sucker for that grape smell. Hello 1987, I have missed you.

    8. Olive oil and castor oil

    Last spring, I asked y’all for your best beauty secrets and a few different people mentioned this. Needless to say, I was completely intrigued and had to try it immediately.

    I went to the drugstore and armed myself with some Stridex pads just in case things went awry and I found myself in some serious need of breakout medication.

    But y’all, it totally works. I use the oil-cleansing method about 2-3 times a week and it makes my face feel so good. I highly recommend it.

    Okay, so you shouldn’t be surprised that I’m ending the list at eight. I would so love to add two more things to make it an even ten, but my mind has never been more blank.

    Which probably means I should add some Omega 3 Fish Oil-type thing to my beauty regimen because my brain function might need more help than my eyelashes.

    I’d love to hear about any great beauty finds that you’ve recently discovered because knowledge is power and so is a good moisturizer.

  • Edition 50: Fashion Friday

    Normally I start Fashion Friday with some kind of light-hearted anecdote that somehow relates to fashion or something like that, but not today because I have something serious to discuss.

    Y’all there is an epidemic sweeping across the nation and we can no longer turn a blind eye.

    I’m talking about the Snuggie and/or the Slanket.

    It was bad enough that it has made its polyester way into my own family, but then many of you owned up to your own Snuggie/Slanket issues in the comments. The final straw was when I read this post by Melissa about how the Slanket has infiltrated her family as well.

    It’s just not right.

    Look people, I know what it’s like to feel cold. I spend a good portion of my life wrapped in some sort of blanket, but are we really at a point in society and, more importantly in fashion, where we need a blanket with sleeves?

    Really, some of the blame for this lies with the Amish. Ever since they limited the purchase of their patented Heat Surge Roll-N-Glow Electric Fireplace to just two per customer, people are looking for new, inexpensive ways to stay warm.

    I also think the economy being in the toilet is to blame and we’re all looking for a way to return to the comfort of the womb, but I just don’t believe the Slanket/Snuggie or a $920,000,000,000 bailout is going to make that happen.

    (Actually, I would probably feel a lot better if the government would just send me my share of that check.)

    Then last night I received an email from Brenda at Family Revised that included this picture.

    pimpedoutsnuggley_079a.jpg

    picture from curbly.com

    That, my friends, is a pimped-out Snuggie/Slanket.

    Yeah, like that makes it better.

    Now for the questions.

    1. Laura asks: “I live up the road in Austin, and as you know, it’s currently 80 degrees in January. I can’t possibly get out my springtime clothes right now, as my mother who lives 900 miles away would KNOW if I wore linen, pastels, or white before Easter. So my question is, what’s a Texas girl supposed to wear when it’s unseasonably warm in the winter?”

    Laura, I would hate for your mama to have to drive 900 miles just to yank some pastel linens off your body before you brought lasting shame to your family. And you and I both know that could totally happen.

    The key to seasonally-appropriate dress when the weather isn’t seasonally appropriate is to look for lightweight tops and t-shirts in fall/winter colors. Also keep in mind that layering is your friend because sometimes the mornings start out chilly and then warm up quickly.

    This winter, as we all know by now, I have made much use of the scarf as an accessory. You can pair a lightweight scarf with a long-sleeve or short-sleeve t-shirt and a pair of jeans. Start off the day with a light sweater or cute coat over it and you’ve got an outfit that will take you from a low of 42 to a high of 78, which just happens to be tomorrow’s forecast.

    On the bright side, at least you won’t be tempted to buy a Snuggie.

    2. Amy asks: “My question to you is this…is it ok to wear jeans, a sweater, and open toed pumps?”

    Yes, I believe that it is as long as you’re ready to deal with any possible frostbite issues. Just make sure that it’s more of a peep-toe shoe that shows just a hint of toe as opposed to any sort of sandal.

    My advice is to stay away from full-toe nudity in the wintertime unless it’s a formal occasion.

    3. Sylvia asks: “I’ve been a stay at home mom for a while (years) and my uniform consists of jeans and t-shirts. I’m going back to work three days a week and have a very limited budget. So, what do I HAVE to have, where do I get it, how can I get it as cheaply as possible and how do I wear it once I get it?”

    There are a lot of issues packed into this one question, but I’m going to do my best to help you out.

    The first thing I’ll say is that I wouldn’t go buy a whole bunch of stuff until you’ve worked there a few weeks and gotten a good feel for the office dress code. Once you have a better idea of what other people wear, you’ll have a better idea of what you’ll need.

    A few basics that I’d suggest are a good pair of black pants. They don’t have to be expensive, but they should fit well and be comfortable. If you can afford it, you would also be well-served to get another pair of pants in either a charcoal gray color or some shade of camel. I’m not going to link to any specific pairs because I think your best bet is going to be someplace like Kohl’s or TJ Maxx and possibly Target. Just dig through the racks and try on a bunch of different pairs even if they don’t look great on the hanger. They might surprise you.

    Once you have those foundation pieces then you can look for a few different tops. Since you have a limited budget, I’d suggest sticking to a simple palette of shirts that you can change up using various accessories like scarves, necklaces, or sweaters. Another great thing to have would be a nice trenchcoat and maybe a few different jackets that you can wear with various skirts and pants.

    My last suggestion is to go look at the Outfits section on the Ann Taylor or Ann Taylor Loft site. You can find looks that you like and then go look for similar pieces at various discount stores.

    I hope that helps!

    4. Kim asks: “I’m about to have baby #2 by scheduled c-section and would like to look good in the hospital. I’m planning on getting my hair blown out and having a pedi/mani the day before. My question is what should I wear? I don’t want to be stuck in a hospital gown for those first pictures of baby and mama.”

    Amen, Kim. Amen.

    I cannot tell you how much I appreciate a woman who wants to look her best immediately after giving birth. Those pictures will be around for years to come and dragged out at every high school graduation and rehearsal dinner video montage and there’s no reason to suffer for eternity in a bad hospital gown.

    Target has really cute gowns and pajamas these days. You might be able to find something there in a few sizes larger than you’d normally wear.

    When I had Caroline, I ordered a pair of pajamas from The Cat’s Pajamas. They have really good sales in their outlet section and they are so soft. One last site you may want to check out is Sleepyheads.

    And one last piece of unsolicited advice, bring your own pretty pillowcase to the hospital. It will make your pictures look that much better, plus you’ll have a little piece of home with you instead of scratchy, sterile hospital linens.

    5. Amy asks: “Is it true that you shouldn’t wear black to a wedding?”

    No, it’s an urban myth. I just wouldn’t wear any kind of black armband which might lead folks to believe you’re in some kind of mourning, but a little black dress is always appropriate.

    6. Megan asks: “I’ve noticed a ridiculous increase in the number of Bender Ball, 8-second Abs, ‘I lost 437 pounds of belly fat in 3 weeks’, etc. commercials. Combine these commercials with the swing in the political climate and the economy in a state where most of us can only afford half a shirt anyway…Do you think that ‘the ab’ is going to make a comeback as a desirable fashion accessory?”

    I don’t know about the rest of y’all, but my abs are way past making any kind of comeback.

    Frankly, I’d rather wear a Snuggie or a Slanket, especially if it’s pimped out.

    Okay, that’s all the questions for this week.

    Like I mentioned last week, I’m adding a Mr. Linky to the bottom of this post. Please feel free to link to your very own Fashion Friday tip or fashion find. Just please make sure that you link to your specific post and not just the url for your blog. You have until Sunday to post your link and then I’ll shut it down.

    Y’all have a great Friday.