Author: Big Mama

Except her title is “Miss 5 AND A HALF”

Yesterday was a big day at our house because Caroline turned five. AND A HALF.

This is a milestone she’s been waiting on since the day she turned five last August and I am so happy that she is now officially five AND A HALF because I no longer have to listen to her angst about just being “plain five”. And really who can blame her for all the excitement? I know I cannot wait until I turn 37 AND A HALF later this month.

Since she is like me and cursed with the summer birthday, she gets to celebrate her half-birthday during the school year. They didn’t offer this half-birthday class party feature back in 1977. I endured a lifetime of pool parties with whichever three friends happened to not be out of town on vacation. It’s a wonder I’m not in therapy.

Fortunately, my child has a brighter future filled with faux birthday celebrations. She’ll never have to suffer through the endless parade of fall and spring class birthday parties knowing she’ll never get her moment in the sun. It’s like always being the runner-up in the Miss America pageant, but with icing instead of a crown.

Her teacher sent home the February calendar with February 3 marked as Caroline’s birthday celebration. I told Caroline that we could go to HEB to pick out birthday cupcakes for the class even though I am still harboring some bitterness towards the HEB bakery after the whole “cake-donut” fiasco. So on Saturday we went to HEB and picked out chocolate cupcakes with hot pink icing and Tinkerbell rings on top.

Bless her heart, she wanted to get blue Spiderman cupcakes for the boys but I had to draw the line at custom cupcakes for a group of Kindergartners who have been known to lick glue off their fingers. We compromised and bought Spiderman napkins for the boys and Tinkerbell napkins for the girls.

And is it just me or is Tinkerbell looking a little racier than she used to? I think Disney is slowly transforming her into a Bratz doll with wings. You can’t fool me, Disney. I’m on to you.

At some point she got a little carried away with the HALF-birthday thing. Everything became an argument of “but it’s my HALF-birthday tomorrow!” In fact, Monday night at dinner I told her she needed to quit playing around and finish her dinner and she said, “You shouldn’t be so hard on a kid whose five AND A HALF birthday is tomorrow”.

It took everything in me to not say, “THAT’S NOT EVEN A REAL THING!” And then maybe adding “And while we’re at it, neither is the Easter Bunny.”

But that would be mean.

After all, who wants to get that kind of news on the eve of their five AND A HALF birthday?

She requested that Mimi and I come and eat lunch with her at school prior to the birthday celebration and, by the way, could I please bring McDonalds? So we walked into the school right before lunchtime bearing a Happy Meal and two dozen of the brightest cupcakes you have ever seen. (I’m not kidding. I can’t get the icing stains off my fingers even eight hours later.)

We sat on the stage in the cafeteria and she ate a few bites of cheeseburger in between waving to all her friends and getting up to throw away every small piece of trash she could find. Each time she got up, she walked slowly across the front of the stage, wearing her 5 AND A HALF birthday crown, while waving to the crowd.

So that’s how they roll in Kindergarten these days. She got to be Miss America complete with icing AND a crown.

I was born three decades too soon.
All Access

How about this little surprise in the middle of the day?

Two posts in one day? Sheer madness.

I thought I’d take this chance to remind y’all (or to tell you for the first time if you happen to be new here) about the Allaccess blog.

It’s part of the reason that I get to go to the occasional fun womens’ event because heaven knows it’s not because I’m that cool or run in any kind of happening crowd.

I feel the above sentence is proof of that.

Anyway, I post over there every Tuesday and Friday and Sophie posts over there on Mondays and Thursdays. In between there are usually some other fun things going on and even the occasional giveaway.

Just thought you might want to check it out. You can click here or on the Allaccess button in my sidebar.

Y’all have a great evening.

I’m just going to sit back, watch American Idol and contemplate my true feelings on men wearing scarves.
And there were shepherds keeping warm at night

A few weeks ago I was looking through some Christmas pictures that my sister emailed to me. There were a bunch of cute ones of Caroline and her cousin Sarah and then I saw something that left me puzzled.

My sister and I don’t talk about everything, but I couldn’t believe she didn’t mention that she and her husband played the role of shepherds in some kind of Christmas pageant.

But, oh no.

On closer inspection I realized those aren’t shepherds robes. Those are Snuggies.

I called her and asked, “What is up with the Snuggies? It’s like I don’t even know you.”

She explained that they got them for Christmas as a practical joke, but I told her that doesn’t explain why they were actually wearing them. And posing for pictures. And confessing that they’ve continued to wear them long after the joke is over.

I can’t even talk about the part where she told me how much they were enjoying the two free booklights they received with Snuggie purchase.

Some family skeletons need to stay in the closet.

Next to the stack of ShamWows.
Is it just me or is it chili?

Rumor has it that there was some big football game on yesterday. And I’m a fan of football.

College football.

Maybe it’s because I spent my childhood wearing “Luv Ya Blue!” t-shirts and #34 Earl Campbell jerseys, only to have the Houston Oilers break my daddy’s heart every season, but I just don’t care about professional sports in general.

I know. It’s like I’m not even an American.

Anyway, our church has an annual Super Bowl party complete with chili cook-off and so that’s what we did yesterday. Actually, P went early to grill various meats with his Sportsman’s Group and to deliver his entry in the chili cook-off. I showed up a little later with Caroline and a plate of brownies that didn’t have sufficient time to cool and basically looked like a plate of chocolate that someone had sat on.

Appetizing.

When I walked into church there were crockpots bearing homemade chili as far as the eye could see. And this is where I have to make another confession.

I am not a fan of the chili cook-off.

It’s not that I don’t like chili. Au contraire. I count a Frito Pie among my top five comfort foods.

The thing is that a chili cook-off is a risky proposition. You never know when you’ll encounter a chili that’s too spicy, or has too much cumin, or, heaven help us, red beans. Let’s not even discuss the fact that the cook-off component involves a lot of people dipping into the same pot of chili.

Is there such thing as a buffet phobia? Because I think I have one.

I might as well add another embarrassing fact to an increasingly long list of other embarrassing facts I’ve shared over the years. My chili palate is very sophisticated and involves a can with a Hormel label.

The canned variety makes me feel secure. I know where it’s been and I know how it will taste. And don’t tell me any horror stories about canned goods and what happens in the factories or I will be forced to stick my fingers in my ears and say “La-la-la-la, I can’t hear you”. It’s bad enough that I have to live with the knowledge that Burger King’s Crispy Chicken Sandwich (which I adored) is one of the worst possible fast food items you can eat.

Let me keep this last shred of culinary innocence.

I’m not kidding. Do not tell me your canned goods horror stories.

I have enough quirks and phobias as it stands.

And in other totally unrelated news, guess what I haven’t done in two weeks?

Painted the backhouse.

It’s primed and ready to go, but I have fallen off the paint wagon and can’t get up.

I just needed to get that out in the open, along with my fear of chili cook-offs.
The real winners aren’t on the football field today

Thanks to all of you who participated in the giveaway for one of Marla Taviano’s books and a Target gift card. I loved reading through all the comments and I feel it’s safe to say that “Is That All He Thinks About?” is the clear frontrunner among the books y’all would select.

And I want to make some kind of joke, but I’m going to refrain because it would probably be inappropriate.

Anyway, here are the winners according to Random.org.

Random Integer Generator

Here are your random numbers:

155 250 558
Timestamp: 2009-02-01 18:34:37 UTC

First Place is 155: Amy with a gmail email address

Second Place is 250: Amy at Life, Laughs & Love

Third Place is 558: Barbara at Almost Empty Nester

Please email me and I’ll put you in touch with Marla so that you can get your prize.

Congratulations to all the winners and don’t ever forget that you’re all winners in my book.

Now, I’m off to watch the Super Bowl.

Go Steelers or Cardinals or whatever.

Actually, I’m just cheering for the queso dip and the hot wings.
Edition 49: Fashion Friday

Last Saturday, Caroline and I went to Gap to return a pair of jeans I’d bought her earlier in the week and attempt to find a pair that actually fit. Note to Gap: If my 5 year old daughter, who is the skinniest kid I know and survives on one cheese cube a day, has a mid-section that won’t fit into a pair of 5 slim jeans, you might want to re-evaluate your sizing methods or check your denim labor force for drug use.

We carried about twenty different pairs of jeans into the dressing room because I was so thrown off that 5 slims didn’t fit and I had no idea where to go from there. 6 regular? 5 regular? 6 slim? Why is my life so hard?

This was really our first real dressing room experience because I know my emotional limits and had an inkling that letting her in on the decision-making process might put me over the edge. The surprise was that we had a great time. Honestly, I don’t know if she’s ever reminded me more of myself than when I watched her check herself out in every pair of jeans she tried on. The only thing missing was that she never asked, “Do these make my butt look big?”

True to her mama’s form, she chose the priciest pair and I was okay with it because they are a size 6 and are a little too long which means she won’t outgrow them yesterday. As we paid for them, I informed her that she might need to wear them rolled up for a little while because they are too long.

She looked right at me and said, “You know that is never going to happen.”

God bless her, she is my clone.

And, really, she’s right. Cuffed jeans aren’t really in right now, not that I don’t resort to it on occasion since all hems aren’t created equal.

Now for the questions.

1. Shawna asks: “Ok so if by some chance I get back to Texas is it ok to wear a scarf and plain shirt with flip flops and jeans….cause I love flip flops??”

It is totally okay. In fact, when Gap isn’t busy making 5 slim jeans that are too small to fit any human in existence, they’ve made some really cute lightweight scarves for spring like this one.

I think the scarf can be a year-round accessory as long as you don’t pass out from heat stroke. Because that’s never in style.

2. Nicole asks: “I am shopping for some warm boots that I can wear in the snow, and could use some suggestions. Any suggestions?”

I can honestly say that as a Texas girl I have never in my life needed snow boots, which explains why I thought it was a good idea to wear my running shoes as my after-ski footwear when I used to “ski”. Let’s just say that Nikes aren’t really snow-proof.

My point is I’m not sure exactly what a snow boot needs to be but I’ll pretend that I do and say that I really like these boots from KEEN or maybe these.

3. Emily asks: “Your thoughts on trouser socks…I have a huge complex about them. Do you match/coordinate with your shoes, pants, or shirt? Do you wear stripes, solids, patterns?”

I believe that trouser socks should be seen and not heard.

That makes complete sense in my head.

What I’m trying to say is that they should be an accessory that just kind of blends in to your outfit and doesn’t yell out “HEY LOOK! RED POLKA DOT SOCKS!”

Because if the best part of your outfit is your socks, you need to re-evaluate what you’re wearing.

4. Another Emily asks: “Super Bowl Sunday is fast approaching, and I do not have any idea what to wear! I realize the time tested answer may be “A jersey” or “team colors”. The females of the couples that we gather with from time to time are always dressed so cute and I always feel frumpy!”

My first instinct is to tell you to wear something that won’t show stains from superfluous Buffalo Wing sauce, but you’re probably looking for something more specific.

Also, I feel the need to say that I would NEVER recommend wearing a jersey unless you are planning to take to the field. I once broke up with a guy who wore an Aggie jersey to a football game. I realize this may not bother some people, but it was a deal breaker for me and I will own that shallow, superficial part of my personality.

I’d suggest a great pair of jeans (more on that later) with a casual sweater like this one or this one with a cute pair of boots and fun earrings.

Or you could go for a v-neck sweater layered over a tank with a scarf around your neck.

Y’all know I’m a fan of the scarf because no matter who wins the game on Sunday, the scarf is the real winner.

5. A LOT of people asked: “How do you find a good pair of jeans?”

Ladies, there is no easy answer. It requires work and dedication. Remember dating and trying to find the right man to marry? Yeah, that’s a cakewalk compared to finding a pair of jeans that will make you want to pledge your undying love.

You have to kiss a lot of denim frogs to find your prince.

Will someone please embroider that on a pillow for me?

Seriously, this may be a future video blog if I can figure out how to try on jeans without showing my rear end to the internet. In the meantime, you just have to commit to trying on a million different brands until you find the ones that fit your figure. I recommend starting at a nice department store like Nordstrom because their associates can help you find a pair that is best for your figure, but don’t underestimate the power of finding high-end brands at discount stores like TJ Maxx or The Rack.

Have I ever said that a good pair of jeans can change your life? Truest statement ever.

That’s it for the question portion of this edition of Fashion Friday.

However, I have an announcement to make. Every week so many of y’all send me emails about things you’ve found on sale or a great pair of jeans or a kicky beret and I don’t have an efficient way to share all that information, so I’ve decided to start putting up a Mr. Linky at the end of every Fashion Friday post starting next week. If you have a blog, feel free to write about your latest fashion find and you can add the link to that specific post here.

I figure we’ll give it a whirl for a few weeks and see if we all benefit from more extensive fashion knowledge than whatever paltry offering I serve up.

Y’all have a great Friday.