Author: Big Mama

  • Next week I may get my oil changed

    Well, I’m sitting in Discount Tire while I attempt to compose this post. With any luck, the ambience of a bargain tire warehouse will inspire some creativity, because heaven knows I haven’t been able to think of a single interesting thing to say while sitting at my desk at home.

    It’s a little known fact that Hemingway composed most of his best work at his local Discount Tire store.

    My car has a back tire that’s been steadily losing air. I would have never noticed this in a million years. A fact, by the way, that completely boggles P’s mind. We have spent countless minutes of my life that I’ll never get back looking out at the car in the driveway, with him grilling me on how I can’t tell the tire is flat.

    “How can you not see that the tire is flat?”

    “It doesn’t look flat to me.”

    “Do you not see that it has significantly less air than the other tires?”

    Umm. No.

    What am I? Some sort of automotive, tire pressure specialist?

    The tire is not flat to the naked eye.

    Or, at the very least, the unobservant eye.

    I have a gift.

    So, fingers crossed, maybe I need a new tire. Because I would so much rather spend money on a new tire, as opposed to say, saving said money for a sweater coat from Anthropologie. Not to mention the fact that, really, there is nothing I’d rather do with a free morning while Caroline is in school than hang out in an auto store.

    It’s almost like being at Starbucks, but with the smell of burnt rubber as opposed to delicious Colombian goodness with a cinnamon swirl muffin on the side.

    And instead of catching up with my friends, listening to some woman trying to tell me about her upcoming road trip to California or something like that.

    Doesn’t she see that I’m in the midst of composing a literary masterpiece? I bet Hemingway never had this problem. Or maybe he did and it’s how he got the idea for “Grapes of Wrath”.

    Except that would be John Steinbeck.

    And everyone knows he did most of his writing in the snack bar at Target.

    Anyway, this is how I seem to spend the days Caroline is in school. I have high hopes for all the things I’m going to accomplish, then I look up and it’s time to pick her up. Most days all I’ve accomplished is catching up on my Oprah episodes and getting out the vacuum cleaner with the best of intentions.

    This summer I made a list of all the things I would accomplish once Caroline was in school:

    1. Clean out all closets
    2. Paint inside of bathroom cabinet
    3. Give house deep cleaning including removing rugs and having them cleaned
    4. Taking couch slipcovers to drycleaners to get them cleaned
    5. Go to lunch with Gulley at least once a week.
    6. Reorganize kitchen cabinets.
    7. Clean out laundry room.
    8. Thoroughly clean all light fixtures.
    9. Organize photos and videos into some sort of system.
    10. Write coherent, interesting, entertaining posts for blog.

    Here’s what I’ve accomplished.

    I’ve gone to lunch with Gulley about 4 times since school started.

    Obviously I’m pacing myself.

    I think I’m still a little bit giddy with my newfound freedom. Freedom that allows me to roam the aisles at Old Navy, Target and TJ Maxx without someone hanging on my leg and begging me to stop looking at clothes so that I can watch how fast they can run across the store.

    Seriously, when I resigned from my job last spring, Caroline finished school two weeks later. Thus began the longest summer ever. Granted, I loved being at home without the pressure of work, however, I had no idea what it was like to just have free time for the sake of having free time.

    I haven’t really known what to do with myself. I’m like a kid in a candy store, or you know, like a kid who can watch Friday Night Lights instead of Noggin on a Wednesday morning.

    But, with my foray into Discount Tire, I am proclaiming that I’m serious about getting stuff done while Caroline is in school. I’m ramping up to be proficient and wise about my time management.

    I may even go home and clean out a closet later.

    But let’s be honest, the only way the inside of the bathroom cabinet is getting painted is if I hire someone to do it.

    I think I’ll edit my list.

    2. Hire someone to paint inside of bathroom cabinet.

    See, I feel more efficient already.

  • Nerd is the word

    P and I were watching T.V. the other night and “Revenge of the Nerds” was on. Normally, we spend this time watching fascinating, educational documentaries about the history of the wheel, or “So You Think You Can Dance”, or whatever.

    But just this once, we decided to spend a few moments watching something slightly less intellectually stimulating.

    As we sat watching this little piece of American classic cinema, P began to muse on nerds.

    “You know, it’s interesting, once you get out of high school there aren’t really nerds anymore. It’s like, once you get to college, no one is labeled as a nerd.”

    “Yes”, I said, “Or maybe it’s like being the black sheep of your family. If you think you don’t have one, it means it’s you.”

  • Pocket of Light…it’s a CD giveaway y’all

    This fall, I’m in a Bible study group with 5 other lovely ladies. We are doing “A Woman’s Heart: God’s Dwelling Place”, because we love us some Beth Moore and the way she makes the scriptures come alive.

    Anyway, this week has been our first week of the study and here’s what I read today. Beth is talking about God calling Abram to leave his home (Genesis 12:1) and begin a new chapter in his life. She says, “Have you ever noticed that God often requires us to leave our comfort zones to answer our calling? That through which God hones us is rarely within the parameters of the familiar. No amount of comfort is worth missing the greatest adventure humankind can experience”.

    These words spoke to me in ways that I can’t even properly convey. Let’s just say they hit me deep in my soul and put a lot of things that have happened in my life in the past year in perspective. If, as Christians, we’re constantly comfortable and familiar, what would cause us to strive for more? To see what else God may have in store?

    P and I have also watched a friend of ours be pushed out of his comfort zone over the last few years as God has called him to new challenges and led him to leave what is familiar for what is better. His name is Darrell Smith and he’s just released a new CD called “Pocket of Light”.

    I’ve worshipped in many different settings and been led by many different worship leaders. Truly, I have been blessed to worship with some incredibly talented people that have such a heart for what worship is supposed to be. Darrell is one of those people.

    He truly has a heart for making Christ the center and focus of every aspect of worship. Yes, the music is great, but the heart behind it is what makes it special.

    When I got my copy of “Pocket of Light” about 2 weeks ago, I immediately put it in the CD player in my car and it’s been there ever since. Darrell wrote all 12 songs and the lyrics are incredible, honest, and raw. They speak to my frailty as a Christian and my desire to serve God better and know Him more.

    The title song, “Pocket of Light” (which also features the incredible vocals of Ayiesha Woods) talks about how indifferent we can be to those around us who may be crying out, seeking the hope that we have found.

    “Could you take the time to talk to me?
    I’ll trade your gossip for some Gospel
    but you’ll have to see and
    Reach me.
    Feel me.
    Help me to grasp all that can be.
    Teach me to see what He sees in me.
    Won’t you please just stop and see?
    Reach me”

    Powerful, convicting stuff.

    And my personal favorite song, in case y’all were wondering, is “Feed Your Fire”. It’s about the dangers of looking to others to build our faith, instead of focusing on God and feeding ourselves. Awesome lyrics and it’s got a great sound that causes Caroline to do a little carseat dancing. In fact, anytime we get in the car she tells me to “put on that good song, Mama!”

    The girl has got to get her groove on.

    This is just an awesome CD. It’s about real life. It’s about the struggles and joys we all face everyday. Darrell has this quote by Dallas Willard on his homepage, “the only thing we have to offer God at the end of our lives, is who we have become”. This music is about that journey.

    If y’all want to listen to more, then head over to Darrell Smith Music. You can listen to clips of the songs and if you like what you hear, you can download them there or on iTunes. Plus, you can read more about Darrell and his ministry. It will inspire you.

    For you low-tech folks, you can just order the CD at Independent Bands.

    And because I always love to spread the wealth, I am giving away two free copies of “Pocket of Light”. If you’re interested, leave a comment to enter the drawing. I’ll keep comments open until Friday, September 21.

    Have a great day, y’all.

  • Fashion expose part 5: I promise this is it…for now

    I didn’t really think I was going to write yet another fashion post today because I felt fairly certain something exciting would happen this weekend and I’d have something interesting to say.

    Alas, that didn’t happen.

    I kept waiting and waiting.

    And waiting some more.

    In fact, by Sunday afternoon the suspense was killing me as I wondered if anything interesting or noteworthy would happen.

    It didn’t.

    Well, there was that one time on Friday night when Caroline kept me awake from 11:00 until 4:00 a.m., at which point I finally had some sort of hormonal meltdown and told her that night time was not the time to cuddle, it is a time for sleep. Oh, and then there was the 3 hour nap we both took on Saturday.

    So, needless to say, more fashion it is.

    Unless y’all want to hear about how I slept so hard during my Saturday afternoon nap that I almost fell off the couch. Or about how the bottom shelf on the door of our refrigerator came loose, causing Bloody Mary mix to spill all over the kitchen floor.

    I didn’t think so.

    And since, technically, I said it was Fashion Week, there really needs to be one more day of fashion information anyway. Plus, there are still unanswered questions.

    1. Alison asks: my question is…and this is a big question…when do you wear and NOT wear make-up? I drop my dd off at pre-k and see mom’s looking fantastic and i wonder if i should’ve put on that lipgloss before i ventured out of the car. what is considered ‘going out in public’? is it going to the grocery or to hobby lobby? dentist appointments for kids? HELP!!!

    I know there are some women who would never even consider leaving the confines of their home without a full face of makeup.

    I am not one of those women.

    On the mornings Caroline has school, I am lucky to make it out the door with my shoes on and her lunchbox in my hand. To attempt to put on lipgloss just seems like a recipe for disaster.

    So, here’s what I do. I wear athletic-type apparel, which causes me to appear fitness-minded as opposed to lazy. It’s really all about strategy.

    And yes, there are mamas who are all decked out as they drop little Hamilton off at school, but I just look at them with disdain because, obviously, they are more concerned with looking gorgeous than with their cardiovascular health.

    In turn, they look at me with disdain because, obviously, I haven’t showered in close to 24 hours.

    Plus, there’s a good chance I’ll run into them in Starbucks as soon as we get the kids dropped off, which pretty much blows my cover.

    “Oh, hi. I find there is nothing like drinking a grande mocha frappucino with whipped cream right before a hard workout.”

    2. Karen asks: What’s the sweatsuit “alternative” for us Texas girls in the summer?

    The key words in this question are sweat, Texas, and summer. It’s inevitable. And I don’t know about the rest of y’all, but there is no way I’m wearing any kind of jacket and pant combo.

    Blame it on me being a child of the 70’s, but when I picture a sweatsuit alternative for summer time, I picture Chrissy Snow from “Three’s Company” wearing those short, terrycloth gym shorts with a tight t-shirt.

    I hope I don’t need to get into all the reasons that outfit would be wrong. Needless to say, short, tight, terry-cloth gym shorts have gone the way of the side ponytail.

    May they rest in bimbo heaven.

    So, my answer to a sweatsuit alternative for summer is a cotton skirt with a t-shirt and flip-flops. It’s cute, it’s cool, and it’s casual. Throw on a denim jacket and it transitions you to fall. It gives the illusion that you’ve put some effort into your wardrobe.

    And I am all about the illusion of effort. It’s the same reason I vacuum once a week. It gives the illusion that my house is cleaner than it actually is.

    Smoke and mirrors, ladies. Smoke and mirrors.

    3. Ashleigh asks: Okay, now, Dear Fashion Expert, more questions… what is a sweater coat?

    Ashleigh, I will heart you forever for referring to me as a fashion expert, although it might make Tim Gunn cry.

    As for the sweater coat, it is a delicious wardrobe piece of knit goodness. There is nothing I love more than a good sweater coat. In fact, if y’all looked in my closet there would be at least three or four of them in varying styles and colors.

    Here’s a picture of a sweater coat from Nordstroms.

    sweatercoat.jpg

    Here are some links to some sweater coats I love. Notice they are all from Anthropologie. I believe if you’re going to dream, dream big.

    Sweater Coat 1

    Sweater Coat 2

    Sweater Coat 3

    Give it another month and I bet you’ll be able to find a really cute one at Target. At least that’s my plan.

    Unless I come into a large inheritance from an unknown relative.

    4. Maggie asks: Somebody here asked if denim shorts were out, and I just can’t seem to get over it. Some classics are just that…classics! Who cares if they are in or out!

    Okay, so maybe this isn’t so much a question.

    Honestly, I’ve gone back and forth on this. There is a strong denim short contingent across the American public and I certainly don’t want to offend them. And yes, the denim short has re-emerged as a woman’s fashion item.

    In fact, Banana Republic had some really cute long denim shorts this summer that I nearly bought, except for the fact they cost money and P needed back surgery.

    It warms my heart to know that somewhere P’s neurosurgeon’s wife is wearing some really cute denim shorts that we helped pay for. Bless their hearts, they are probably just barely making ends meet.

    That being said, I wouldn’t ever let P wear a pair of denim shorts. Which is saying something because I let him wear this out of the house on a fairly regular basis.

    I know.

    5. Alice asks: Can I get one more question in here? What about the jumper? I saw some very cute jumpers at Target, particularly a black and white plaid one that would look great with a black turtleneck and some boots. But InStyle just said that jumpers are sooo last fall and to ditch them. Then again, they were the ones who told us to wear plaid on plaid. Help!

    Okay, I saw those jumpers at Target and, personally, I love them. In fact, I tried it on and really liked it, but the zipper kept getting stuck and it caused me to have a mild panic attack in the dressing room. However, barring any zipper issues, I think they could be so cute with a turtleneck, black tights and boots. Obviously, it’s not a look everyone will love, but I have always been a fan of the jumper.

    Oooh! And picture it with a crisp, white shirt…oh, I forgot. Crisp, white shirts are dead to me.

    See how they try to suck me back in? I need a crisp, white shirt like I need another 4 year old keeping me up at night. It’s not practical and it will lead me to tears.

    And I know InStyle has some good fashion advice at times but, seriously, they lost some of their credibility when they mixed those plaids with florals. Not to mention showing those military pants circa the Michael Jackson era.

    Sometimes I think the fashion powers that be get a little too full of themselves. For instance, did any of y’all see Vera Wang on Oprah last Friday?

    She was schlepping her new affordable line at Kohls. (Nothing like Oprah talking about how $129.00 is SO AFFORDABLE when you know she spends more than that on her toothpaste) Anyway, they showed Vera’s new collection and then she let the viewers into her own private closet which, by the way, appeared bigger than my house. Vera was giving her fashion advice, including such gems as buy things a size larger (wrong) and wear hats (wrong again).

    First, buying things a size larger will often just serve to make you appear a size larger. Maybe I don’t have my finger on the pulse of American women but, last I checked, no one was trying to look a size larger.

    And it’s not that I don’t like hats, because I do. I like hats. But the ones Vera showed from her own private collection were like beanies with big, spangly things hanging off them. They looked like lampshades leftover from Studio 54.

    Vera can make a wedding gown better than any other soul on earth, but girlfriend does not know a good hat.

    But really, who am I to be judging hats?

    My point is sometimes what works for the fashion powers that be in NEW YORK CITY, may not work for those of us in Anytown, U.S.A. So, buy that jumper. It will look darling. Plus, it’s only $19.99. You can wear it once or twice and it will be totally worth it.

    Just don’t wear it with a sparkly beanie.

    I still have fashion questions in my inbox, but I am exhausted from my weekend of doing absolutely nothing exciting. However, since it seems y’all have enjoyed fashion week and the completely unprofessional advice I’ve been doling out, I’ve decided Fridays at Big Mama will henceforth be known as “Fighting Fashion Faux-Pas Fridays”.

    I’ll answer questions, make suggestions and share any new fashion items or bargains that I come across in my travels throughout T.J. Maxx, Nordstroms, Target and yes, even the Gap family of stores, although their online sites are the bane of my existence.

    So, keep the questions coming and I’ll keep dispensing the mediocre advice.

    Have a great Monday.

  • Warning, this will stay in your head all day

    Feist – 1 2 3 4

    Ever since Apple started using this song in the iPod Nano commercials, I’ve found myself walking around singing, “one, two, three, four…”

    It has embedded itself in my brain. Which proves my theory that Apple is attempting to take over the world.

    Then, I found this video and it’s oddly compelling.

    Plus, coming off Fashion Week, I feel there is nothing more moving than watching someone dance while wearing a blue sequined, strapless jumpsuit.

    That’s fashion at its best right there. It takes me right back to the days of watching Soul Train on Saturday mornings.

  • Fashion expose part 4: Questions, we have questions

    Who knew fashion could be so mentally draining? Honestly, I have put more thought into this last week of Fashion posts than anything else in recent memory. Which isn’t actually saying that much.

    I went shopping at TJ Maxx yesterday (purely in the name of research, I am working hard and unselfishly, for you, the reader) and my arms are sore today from the amount of clothing I toted around the store.

    I finally reached the dressing room with my arms loaded down with designer jeans. Paige premiums, 7 for all Mankind, Rock and Republic…an abundance of denim riches. I also picked up several shirts and sweaters along the way, along with some activewear-type apparel.

    Of course at TJ Maxx there is a limit to the amount of items they allow in the dressing room.

    The little old lady guarding the dressing room, with the fervor of a pitbull on steroids, informed me I could only take in 8 of my 9 items. I counted out the 8 things I wanted to take in, handed her the 9th item, and said, “I’ll just take these things in and leave this out here.” She looked at the shirt I had just handed her and said, “Well, that’s probably for the best.”

    I tell you this true story of being critiqued by the dressing room monitor at a discount store to let y’all know you need to take everything I say with a large grain of salt. Obviously, not everyone agrees with my taste.

    Just ask the lady at TJ Maxx.

    So, the past week has brought up some reader questions, which I will do my best to answer in a thoughtful, informative, well thought out way. Or you know, completely at random.

    1. Candace from Mama Mia asks: Are the boots from Target you mentioned earlier in the week too dressy to wear with dark rinse jeans and a black t-shirt?

    I certainly do not think they are too dressy. I feel a sign of a good boot is that it be versatile. I think there is no better way to dress up a cute pair of jeans and a t-shirt than with some good accessories, including, but not limited to, footwear.

    2. Beth asks two different questions: What about jeans with no back pockets?

    My gut instinct is to say stay away from jeans with no back pockets. My thought is that then you just have all rear end and nothing to kind of break it up, so to speak. I think pockets can create booty illusions that are crucial to looking attractive in a pair of jeans.

    However, I do remember girls wearing Rocky Mountain jeans in college (remember, I went to Texas A&M) and they didn’t have back pockets. Of course, the girls wearing them were about a size zero and were in no need of creating any kind of booty illusions.

    Second question: And what about wearing a jean jacket with a pair of jeans? Was that only for 1988?

    Why, yes. Yes it was. And unless you’re planning on starring in a remake of Back to the Future, I suggest staying away from mixing your denims.

    In all seriousness, I love a good jean jacket. Once the weather cools off, I will wear mine to the point that people will wonder if it’s some sort of uniform. I am not kidding.

    However, I do not wear it with other denim items. Try a denim jacket with corduroy pants, skirts, black pants, walking shorts, gauchos, or over a cute, casual dress. Or, one of my favorite casual looks is to wear a t-shirt and a denim jacket with some velour yoga-type pants.

    It’s the perfect casual outfit.

    3. Zoom asks: All of the models in the pictures have a disjointed hip. Does that mean that we will have to stand one foot in front of the other, with one hip up in the air to receive maxium jean wearing pleasure???

    Excellent question. I would say posture is a matter of personal taste. However, if you constantly stand on one foot with one hip up in the air, it won’t really matter what kind of jeans you have on. Everyone will be too distracted by your Karate Kid-like moves.

    4. Alison from All My Sunbeams asks: i went and bought 3 pairs of natural fit jeans from Kohls last fall–they’re kind of boot-cut, and they sit just below the natural waist. They have some stretch to them and look great! The only problem i have is that they start to slide down, kind of like pantyhose will–so i’m pulling them back up constantly, and they’re not big on me–they fit the way they’re suppposed to. how do i fix this?

    Well Alison, I’m not sure what to tell you. I don’t know what brand they are, but it could just be that the stretch has worn out over time.

    When I bought my 7 jeans, the salesgirl advised me to buy them tighter than I usually buy jeans because they would give over time. I was extremely nervous about this because, honestly, I felt a little like a cheap tart in too tight jeans. But you know what? She was right. They have definitely stretched out quite a bit. So, next time you buy jeans with stretch, you may want to consider going a size smaller than usual.

    The other thing to know about stretch jeans is that the heat from the dryer can cause the stretchiness to lose some stretch. So, you may want to hang them to dry.

    Now, if they fit great but just slide down, I don’t know what to tell you.

    Maybe suspenders?

    Oh, I’m kidding. I’d never, ever advise anyone to wear suspenders.

    Unless, of course, you’re playing the role of an alien from outer space on an early 80’s television show.

    5. Judy from Hearts Look Upward asks: Will you come and go shopping with me please? I really hate it and it wrecks havoc when stuff needs to be replaced. About the jeans – do you tuck the shirt in? Or not? That’s the new 60,000 dollar question.

    Yes, I will go shopping with you. In fact, I would love to take a little vacation, so if you’ll send me a plane ticket, we can hit the malls.

    As for the shirt tucked in or out, it’s a matter of personal taste. I cannot stand having a shirt tucked in. I haven’t tucked in a shirt since about 1992 and I like it that way. The problem with tucked in shirts is that they require belts and then it just becomes a whole other issue.

    But no one will fault you for tucking in a shirt and I’m sure your mama would be very proud.

    I will take my $60,000 in cash or money order.

    Alright, there are more questions but I’ll save those for tomorrow, or maybe the next day, or maybe next week. Seriously, my shoulder is killing me from carrying all those clothes around yesterday. I may need to file a workman’s comp claim.

    I will leave y’all with this story.

    Yesterday morning I got Caroline all dressed for school. She was wearing the hot pink outfit that she ate some of the bedazzles off of earlier last month. (By the way, eating your clothes is ALWAYS a fashion don’t) I told her I was going to fix her hair in a new style, and I put part of it up with a bow and left the rest down.

    She ran into the bathroom to check out her new look. She examined herself from every angle in the mirror and finally said in a deep sigh, “Oh man, people are going to tell me ALL DAY LONG how beautiful I look.”

    As if the very thought of all those compliments was just wearing her out.

    And that’s what fashion week is really about. It doesn’t matter what you wear or if it’s the latest and greatest style. What I’d like for each one of us is to feel that self-confident when we walk out the door every day.