Year: 2009

Edition 61: Fashion Friday (kind of, but not really)

Okay, so here’s the bad news. (Or maybe it’s good news to some of y’all, but just pretend it’s bad news so you won’t hurt my delicate feelings) I’ve decided to take a semi-break from Fashion Friday for the summer because it’s just so dang hot and it’s hard for me to think about fashion unless it involves what to wear when you’re soaking in a tub full of ice cubes because the heat is about to send you to the land where fun goes to die.

The good news is that I may still do a few Fashion Fridays throughout the summer because you never know when some sort of haberdashery emergency may occur and I’d hate to not weigh in with my two cents that may or may not be helpful, but I just can’t commit to weekly posts because I may be too busy eating ice cream at the pool or trying to get the smell of spoiled milk out of my purse.

What? Spoiled milk?

Oh yes. I managed to spill an entire glass of milk in my purse last night, which led me to the discovery that milk is surprisingly sticky when it gets all over your credit cards and everything else in your purse. I am telling myself that I got it all cleaned out, but deep down inside I have a feeling that at some point in the next few days I’ll pull out my Visa card and the smell will be so horrendous that it may cause a cashier to pass out.

I don’t know why I’m telling you this except that if you ever happen to run into me somewhere and you smell something that would make your dog throw up, please keep in mind that it’s just my handbag.

But who am I kidding? We all know I now have an excuse to buy a new bag.

I’m going to wrap this up because it’s late and I still have to watch “Grey’s Anatomy” because Meredith and Derek are supposedly getting married and if they don’t because of some asinine plot twist then I am going to be so worked up that it will take me hours to settle back down. Don’t disappoint me, ABC. It’s bad enough that Lil Kim got voted off “Dancing with the Stars” this week. My heart can’t take much more.

However, before I go get caught up in the Mer/Der wedding bliss (Please do not deny me this, ABC) I have a question that is actually fashion related. Gulley and I got into a discussion yesterday about our favorite outfit of all time. Ultimately, we decided that choosing one outfit or piece of clothing is like trying to choose who you like better, your grandmother or Justin Timberlake. It’s like “Sophie’s Choice”.

Here are three items that made my list and the year they changed my life.

1. Guess Overalls (1986)

The day I finally talked my dad into buying me an $80 pair of overalls was one of the happiest days of my life. I wore them constantly, but my favorite combination was wearing them with a hot pink t-shirt, a scarf belt, matching hot pink socks, and white Keds.

(EIGHTY DOLLARS IN 1986! That is absurd, but as Ramona on “RHofNYC” would say ‘Kudoos’ to the Guess corporation because people bought them in spite of the fact that they were EIGHT DOLLAR OVERALLS)

2. Aqua-colored Gloria Vanderbilt jeans and matching shirt (1980)

My MeMa bought me this outfit and, sadly, I ruined it when I got battery acid on the jeans when changing the batteries in my 8-track player. True story.

3. Luv-it Jeans with roller skates on the back pockets (1981)

If I ever questioned the fabulousity of these jeans and how they made me the envy of all the other ten-year-olds at the Magic Skate, my fears were put to rest when a girl I haven’t seen since sixth grade became my Facebook friend about a month ago and told me she’ll always remember how much she loved my Luv-it Jeans with the roller skates.

That is a powerful testimony to the importance of a good pair of jeans.

So what are some of your favorite fashion pieces of all time? Units? Anyone?

ANYONE? (Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about unless you were born after 1985)

Oversized sweaters from United Colors of Benetton?

Three layered Polo shirts with the collars flipped up?

Go ahead and confess. You’re safe here.

Y’all have a good Friday.

***I just had to come back and add that I just finished watching “Grey’s” and, while I don’t want to give anything away for those of you who have it waiting on your DVR’s, I will say that it has left me a sobbing mess. Well played, ABC. Well played.
Somewhere Ronald McDonald is crying

Last week, Caroline asked me if I’d please come eat lunch with her at school.

Oh sure, it sounds sweet and at the beginning of the school year it made my heart so happy to think that my baby still wanted to eat lunch with her mama, but now I know the truth. She just needs someone to cart some food up to the school so she can sit on stage and practice her prom queen wave.

Fortunately for her, a mother’s love knows no bounds so I am happy to be that person.

I asked her what she wanted me to bring for lunch:

“Caroline, do you want Sonic or a Happy Meal?” (I could already taste the tots and Cherry Limeade)

“I want sushi.”

“Sushi?”

“Yes. I’d like a California Roll and some edamame. Please don’t forget my chopsticks.”

Well, sure.

Because what kid would want a good old American cheeseburger with a side of tots when they can have sushi instead?
Some thoughts on some things

I’m not sure what my deal is, but I’ve felt a little tired and irritable over the last few days. Normally I can take a couple of Evening Primrose Oil capsules to level out my mood and give my hormones the illusion of serenity, but I got mad when I couldn’t open the bottle and threw it out the backdoor.

Oh, it’s a joke. I wouldn’t throw them out the backdoor. I threw them in the trash.

Anyway, I’m just going to list a few quick things that have been on my mind. I wanted to tell you that they all had to do with television, but they don’t and I’m not going to start lying now. And in all reality, if I decide to start lying, let’s hope I can make it more interesting than that.

Also, you may be saying, “Didn’t you just do a list thing about a week ago?”

Yes. Yes, I did. Thanks for noticing.

1. In a turn of events that supports my theory that my hormones are a little out of whack, here’s what I ate for dinner last night: corn on the cob, macaroni and cheese, and a glass of Chardonnay.

Some might think it would be hard to find a meal comprised of all yellow foods and beverages, but I found it surprisingly easy.

2. As I watched “24” on Monday night it dawned on me why I could never be Jack Bauer. (Other than the fact that I’ll never wear size 26 jeans and extra-small t-shirts) If I’d been contaminated with some sort of bio-weapon and only had twenty-four hours to live, I’d curl up in the bed with the remote control, a big bowl of chocolate chip cookie dough, and call it a day.

I’d also be on the horn calling everyone I know in an attempt to garner some sympathy for my plight, but kudos to Jack for saving the world instead.

3. Sometimes when I see a guy wearing some bizarre outfit or if I see a really tricky pair of men’s jeans with a lot of stitching, I do this thing in my head where I imagine P wearing that outfit because I have the mental capacity of a twelve-year-old and it cracks me up.

This game of imagination has never been more successful at completely making me hysterical than when Adam Lambert wore those tight, striped pants on “American Idol” last night.

4. And speaking of “American Idol”, when they showed Slash last night I made the startling realization that I had his exact hairstyle in my 1987 school picture.

Check it out:

With the exception of the hat, it’s like we were separated at birth.

And on that unfortunate note, I wish you all a great day filled with only good hair.
A good wallow

Last Friday, Caroline and I went over to Gulley’s house to spend the afternoon. The kids all ran outside to play and, after a few minutes, came inside and begged us to let them play on the Slip ‘N Slide.

Well, who are we to deny them the opportunity to break an appendage while hurling themselves down on the hard ground in an attempt to glide across wet plastic?

Gulley got the whole thing set up for them and then we sat inside in the air-conditioning and watched through the window. A few minutes later, Caroline came running in to inform us that the Slip ‘N Slide had a hole and wasn’t working. What is the world coming to when you can’t count on a $7.00 piece of plastic to entertain your children for hours?

As a consolation prize, Gulley handed them the hose and told them they could just chase each other across the yard. This solution brought a cheer from the crowd, so we went inside and resumed our in-depth analysis of various flavors of pita chips and whether or not we plan to watch the new season of “The Bachelorette”.

(I’m a definite yes. Gulley is on the fence because she has standards and hobbies other than watching a bunch of twenty-somethings cavort in hot tubs across the world.)

All of a sudden, we both remembered that we had children and looked outside in time to see this.

Let’s take a closer look.

Life lesson #275: When life hands you a water hose, make a big mud puddle and pretend you’re a pig.

I just hope it’s not a sign that they’re coming down with the swine flu.
How ’bout them cars and taters?

Okay, I’ll just go ahead and admit that I didn’t do The Shred at all over the weekend. I really wanted to, but then I remembered that verse in the Bible that says, “Man cannot live by shred alone” and decided to take those words to heart. Not to mention that I think I did something wrong during the ab workout on Friday and, as my MeMa used to say, I was down in my back.

The good news is I’ll be back on the shred train or wagon or whatever by 9 a.m. this morning. The bad news is I think if I’m honest with myself I have to move up to Level 2. I’m not looking forward to this new adventure in torture, but I completed Level 1 pretty easily on Friday and wasn’t even sore, except for the aforementioned back issue which was really just due to user error.

Yesterday I stayed home from church because I had a headache and just didn’t feel that great. Part of me thought that maybe it was the swine flu, but then I remembered that our entire yard is covered in yellow pollen which is my personal kryptonite. Seasonal oak allergies aren’t really newsworthy and certainly don’t get you any sympathy, although P did come home from church and cooked me a delicious breakfast taco using leftover tater tots from Saturday night’s dinner.

We are a people with a very sophisticated food palate.

And we ate tots while watching the Nascar race on Saturday night.

Then we bought four new tires for our house.

Anyway, later in the day I started feeling better and had the insane notion that it would be a good time to clean out my closet. I faithfully reorganize my closet twice a year and get rid of all the things I haven’t worn from the previous season, but I have been woefully late in taking care of that chore because I have been very busy figuring out who should play the lead role in the remake of “Footloose” now that Zac Efron has dropped out.

When I walked into the closet, I realized it was in need of a major overhaul. The whole thing just felt dusty so I decided to completely empty it of every piece of clothing I own. Here is our bathroom after I completed that process.

I swept it all out, dusted the shelves and then sat down and cried when I realized I’d have to put all that stuff back in there. And did I mention I also decided to clean out all my dresser drawers? And that I had a helper?

A helper who discovered a purple wig, mask and feather boa that I wore to a Mardi Gras party back in the days when we used to do more on a Saturday night than eat tots and watch Nascar.

After it was all said and done, I have three huge bags of clothing and shoes to give away. It’s the last vestiges of my corporate America wardrobe, some poor attempts at finding a denim skirt, some gauchos that I really can’t even discuss because I’m ashamed, and eight dozen t-shirts that seem unnecessary since I wear the same four t-shirts all the time.

Oh, and I had to throw out my favorite pair of pajamas EVER because they have a giant hole in the bottom. I tried to keep wearing them anyway, but P shamed me into letting them go. He has no appreciation for festive Hula girl prints.

I guess they weren’t classy enough for Nascar and tater tots.

As I packed up all the bags, I kept feeling like some things were missing that I’d just put in the pile. What the heck? Where are those leopard-print ballet flats that no longer have any fur on them? Where are those black ropers that I’ve worn exactly none times in the last twelve years?

Oh, here they are.

Apparently there was a mass exodus to the playroom via a five-year-old in the market for some new dress up clothes.

Now she and her friends can dress up as Sleeping Beauty or as Pharmaceutical Rep.

Many hours and chocolate chip cookies later, I had a completely organized closet.

And even more hours and cookies later, the playroom was clean and semi-organized if you don’t count the fact that I just threw random Polly Pocket shoes, Barbie accessories, and dried out playdough all into one bin.

And if you count that, I’m not sure we can be friends.

Unless, of course, you’re a fan of Nascar and tots.
Edition 60: Fashion Friday

I realize there have been moments this week when I’ve made light of the fact that we are in the midst of a swine flu pandemic, so I feel like in all fairness I should be serious for a minute and provide some tips on how to avoid contracting swine flu. Fortunately, my friend Corrie sent me this photo which serves as an excellent reminder of behaviors that should be avoided.

You’re welcome.

And seeing that pig serves as an unwelcome reminder that swimsuit season is right around the corner. Only the Shred can help me now.

Several of y’all have emailed with questions about swimwear and I wish I could produce some miracle of modern spandex that would solve all your woes. Just remember that you have nothing to fear except the fear of a swimsuit.

I don’t even know what that means.

In the interest of laziness and the fact that it’s way late since I stayed up to watch a live video feed of the Compassion bloggers in India, let’s start with a few tips that I blatantly copied and pasted from last year’s swimsuit edition of Fashion Friday.

When trying on a swimsuit:

1. Make sure you actually move around in it like you will when you wear it. Bend over, lift your arms, and move around to make sure everything stays in place. Because when your child takes off a full speed towards the deep end of the pool, you don’t want to have to worry about the girls falling out in mid-run.

And, hypothetically speaking, if your pool has a brand new slide that you decide to go down to impress your daughter, you don’t want to have to worry about almost losing your bottoms. Hypothetically speaking.

2. On that point, try different sizes to get the right fit. If the bottoms don’t have enough coverage, then try different bottoms. Going up a size isn’t going to necessarily help and may just give you saggy bottom syndrome once they are wet.

3. As painful as it may be, look at yourself in a three-way mirror to make sure everything you want covered is actually covered. Just a quick look is all it takes, don’t torture yourself.

4. Last of all remember that NO ONE will be more critical of how you look in a bathing suit than you. Every other mama is a lot more worried about how she looks than how you look. Find something comfortable that you feel good in and call it a day.

I realize this advice is over a year old, but it is still relevant. There are certain truths that will always remain and those are a few of them.

Now for a few recommendations:

If you’re looking for a suit that may perform a few miracles, then Lands End is a great place to start. They have swimsuits that offer all-over control and have a cute retro look to them. There’s also this halter-style one-piece that offers control.

If you need a little (or a lot) of underwire with your swimsuit, then one of my favorite sites is Aerin Rose. It’s a great line of swimwear with one-pieces, tankinis and bikinis that all have great support. Plus, they’re having a sale right now.

Here are a few more links to sites that have good swimwear selections. Beachbliss, Figleaves, Swimsuits for All, Lion’s Lair Specialty Swimwear, and Best Swimwear.

And here are a few suits that will get an extra shout out just because I think they are so cute. I love this Tommy Bahama suit, this paisley one-piece , and this darling tankini.

One last thing, check out all the cute cover-ups. I am particularly in love with this one and this one that can be worn as a skirt or a strapless cover-up.

Of course you could always go with something like this, rock a side ponytail, and channel Chrissy Snow from “Three’s Company”.

On a completely unrelated note but of much greater substance and importance, there are not words to describe the power of this post by Melissa and this post by Angie from the Compassion India trip. Both left me in tears as I read them yesterday. INCREDIBLE.

Y’all have a great Friday.

Here’s Mr. Linky if you have something to add on a fashion-related note.