Year: 2010

  • Mullets and overalls

    Well I cannot thank y’all enough for all the oven advice. I haven’t actually done anything about my oven yet, but I feel like I will approach the matter with confidence when I decide the time is right. Your guess is as good as mine as to when that time will be because I have a tendency to feel like something is very urgent and then forget all about it. It’s a gift really.

    However, yesterday morning I decided the time was right to clean out Caroline’s closet. It was a dreary, rainy day, P was home from work and asked Caroline if she wanted to go to Bass Pro Shops with him. Naturally she didn’t turn down that offer because she knows there’s a good chance they’ll come home with some new fishing lures and an industrial size bag of Circus Peanuts.

    So they left on their mission to wander aimlessly around Rednecks ‘R Us and I got started on the closet. Five hours, three trashbags, and a huge pile of things to donate later, I was finished. And I only stopped and cried as I held all the baby clothes about four or six times. Of course there was one unfortunate ugly cry incident when I discovered the mobile that used to hang above her crib, but I got past it.

    And in the end it looked like this.

    I didn’t take any before pics so you just have to trust me when I say it looks so much better. Plus, we finally have a good place to store our case of bourbon.

    I’m kidding. We’d never store bourbon in our child’s closet. She might drink it all.

    Actually, that box is from my Nanny’s house and it’s full of my dolls from other countries.

    I also cleaned up the book shelves and am willing to bet it will look this neat and organized for upwards of five minutes.

    As I went through boxes I found a few pictures that brought me too much joy and horror to not share with you.

    This is P and his mullet. I think the plaid tie and navy blazer add a nice touch. It’s like prep school meets Nascar.

    Of course, in all fairness, here’s a picture of me with my dad from my senior year in high school.

    I don’t really know what concerns me more, the size of those sleeves or the thickness of my eyebrows. Or maybe it’s the bangs en masse on my forehead. Clearly, those who lived in late 80’s glass houses should not throw stones at their spouse who sported a mullet.

    And finally, look at these two skinny kids in love sans mullet and eyebrows that look like caterpillars.

    That picture was taken fourteen years ago on the Fourth of July. I don’t know why I’m wearing overalls but they seem to be a common theme in pictures taken of me during this mid-1990’s time period. That’s unfortunate. Especially considering that I weighed about 98 pounds.

    Anyway, the closet is now clean and I have a deep sense of accomplishment coupled with shame over my eyebrows. And the overalls.

    Y’all have a good Friday.

  • It’s about hurricanes, closets, fish and ovens

    I feel like I need to warn you in advance that I have no idea where this post is going. Frankly, I’m not sure how that’s different from any other day, but I just wanted to let you know that the thoughts in my head? They are scattered.

    A few of y’all have emailed to ask about the hurricane. All I know is that we were originally in something the local weathermen like to call the “cone of uncertainty”. This is apparently a term they learn in meteorology school that roughly translates to “heck if I know”. We waited for the rain all day long yesterday and it finally showed up in the form of about ten drops around 5:00 p.m. So the cone of my certainty believes we will get somewhere between zero and ten inches of rain at some point in the next forty-eight hours. Or maybe just some time before the end of 2010.

    Yesterday morning I woke up with big plans and dreams of cleaning out Caroline’s closet. It’s something I’ve desperately needed to do for a while now, but every time I look in there I get completely overwhelmed because I see things looming from the top shelf like her pink boppy pillow and the johnny jump-up and I know that the process of cleaning all that stuff out will open some kind of emotional Pandora’s box that I won’t be able to close for the rest of the day. It will end with me holding a bunch of baby gowns clutched to my heart while I rock back and forth on the floor of the closet singing Sunrise, Sunset. In other words, it will be ugly.

    However, I took one look in the closet and decided it could wait one more day. I am totally going to Scarlett O’Hara that bad boy and think about it tomorrow. Or the next day.

    Later on we stopped by Gulley’s house to hang out for a little while. The kids decided they wanted to watch a movie and I can’t tell you how happy it makes me that they still all pile into one chair.

    On the way home, Caroline asked, “Mama, is Shelly dead?”

    I turned down the radio, while racking my brain trying to figure out who the heck is Shelly, and bought myself some time by replying, “What?”

    “Is Shelly dead? I haven’t seen her swimming around lately.”

    Oh girl. Shelly has been dead since February.

    Right after Christmas this year Caroline talked me into buying her a small aquarium and a pair of guppies to go in it. She named them Silver and Shelly and was super excited about them for about four minutes. Ever since then, they have essentially become my fish. Sure, they live in her room on top of my grandmother’s antique dresser but I’m the one who throws in the fish flakes that keep them alive. Or at least one of them alive.

    I noticed Shelly had passed one morning back in February, but decided to save myself from the drama that would ensue if I told Caroline and decided to buy myself some time until she noticed for herself that she was down a fish. It was a decision that totally paid off because it took her FOUR MONTHS to realize Shelly might no longer be with us.

    Anyway, I answered by questioning the last time she saw Shelly and she couldn’t remember. I’m pretty sure it’s because the last time was December 27th around 2:00 p.m. The best part is Caroline completely forgot about the entire conversation by the time we got home. At this rate we may not properly mourn Shelly until the one year anniversary of her death and hopefully Silver will join her in the sweet hereafter by then and I can officially ditch the aquarium I never wanted.

    In other news that has nothing to do with fish mortality, I made pizza for dinner tonight. Actually I made two pizzas for dinner because LEFTOVERS. And as my oven heated up to 475 degrees, it began to smell like something was burning. Mainly because something was burning.

    Specifically, it was various pieces of cheese and maybe a smidge of an overzealous blackberry cobbler that bubbled out its dish along with remnants of a pecan pie tragedy from Christmas of 2008. What I’m saying is I need to clean my ovens. They have the self-cleaning feature but I’m a little frightened by it because I’ve heard stories about the horrendous smell and the heat. I realize I could just read the directions that came with the ovens, but that would require me to find them at the bottom of some pile and it’s so much easier to ask you instead. What’s the best way to clean my oven? Should I buy some Easy-Off or does the self-cleaning thing really work? Do I need to leave the house to do it? Please don’t mock me. I genuinely have no idea what to do and am also in a very fragile state over Shelly’s death.

  • The lazy days of summer

    On Monday morning I felt like we officially slipped into summer mode. Caroline had only been out of school two days when we left for our vacation to Florida, then we started Vacation Bible School the next week, and followed that up with a week of soccer camp. We have been very busy having all the fun, but at some point last week I realized that we needed to slow it down a notch or there was a good chance I’d end the summer either A) Flat Broke B) Checked in to some kind of mental institution or C) Both of the above.

    We do not have one single commitment over the next two weeks unless you count eating a lot of hot dogs to celebrate the Fourth of July. But I don’t really consider that a commitment as much as our obligation to perpetuate the American Dream, assuming that dream is potential health problems from eating too much processed meat cooked over carcinogenics washed down with a slice of apple pie.

    The point is we ate dinner with some friends on Sunday night and stayed out late because we could. (I’m sad that my definition of late is 10:30, but I need to own my lameness.) And then, GLORY HALLELUJAH, Caroline slept in until 9:55 a.m. on Monday morning. When she finally woke up I hugged her to me and whispered, “I have never loved you more than I do right now.” because 9:55 a.m.? It surpassed all my hopes and expectations for Summer 2010.

    Then yesterday morning she slept in again. Granted, it was merely 9:00 a.m. but it was enough to make me wish I could travel back in time to visit myself circa August 2003 and let me know there was hope for the future.

    Anyway, after we woke up I called my friend Julie and told her we were ready for her to drop S off at our house. Julie is in the process of moving to a new house (and hopefully getting a DVR) and Gulley offered to take her boys for the day and I’d told her we could keep her daughter, S, who is one of Caroline’s best friends.

    Gulley and I decided it would be a brilliant idea to just take all the kids to the pool because how hard could it be for the two of us to watch six kids? As it turns out, on the scale of difficulty it ranks somewhere between reasoning with an inebriated goat and fitting into your skinny jeans during a certain time of the month.

    Oh I kid.

    They were delightful. Look at the sweet angels sent straight from heaven.

    (Whose kid is the camera hog in the polka dot swimsuit?)

    I took that picture right after we finally got them all sunscreened up and ready to swim, only to have the lifeguards blow their whistle announcing ten minutes of Adult Swim. So they all sat there patiently and only asked “How much longer?” sixteen or eighty-four times until the whistle finally blew again to signal Adult Swim was over.

    And about five minutes later the sky opened up, the whistle blew again and we ran for cover as the rain began to pour. Well, Gulley and I ran for cover. The rest of our group embraced the rain and stayed out in it the whole time.

    After a few rain dances and a round of ice cream, the rain stopped and we all swam for the next few hours. The original plan was to eat dinner at the pool, but S and Caroline voted to go back to my house and order Papa John’s Pizza instead. So we did.

    And then I spent the next few hours giving multiple pedicures the same sets of fingers and toes because “Oh, I wanted polka dot toes!” and “Oh! I didn’t know we had PURPLE POLISH! I want the PURPLE POLISH!” and “Oh man! I just messed mine all up. Can you redo them?”

    All I know is that all this summer relaxation is about to wear me out.

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  • Birthday club

    Five years ago, Gulley had a three-year-old little boy and a four-month-old baby and was about to celebrate her thirty-third birthday. Although I use the term “celebrate” loosely because I don’t know how much celebrating anyone does when you have a toddler and a newborn in the house. Crying? Yes. Celebrating? Not unless the grandparents show up and offer to stay for the weekend.

    I decided that what she really needed for her birthday was a girls’ night out and so set about making plans to get a group of her girlfriends together to go out for Mexican food. Honestly, I didn’t even know most of the other girls at all except in passing because they were friends she’d met through someone other than me. (That’s kind of the way our friendship has worked for the last twenty years; Gulley is the more outgoing one and so she’s in charge of making all the new friends and then I just take them on as my friends. It’s a process that has worked beautifully.)

    But we all had such a great time at dinner that someone suggested we should go out once a month. And so we have for the last five years. We call ourselves Birthday Club because our original intent was to celebrate each member’s birthday. Our husbands like to point out that there are only six of us and yet we have a birthday to celebrate twelve months out of the year. To which we respond “YOU’LL BE QUIET AND QUIT QUESTIONING THE MATH IF YOU KNOW WHAT’S GOOD FOR YOU” as we walk out the door to go eat chips and queso.

    What I love the most is that we never really schedule our dinners. We just know at some point in the month someone will email everyone else and say, “I’M ABOUT TO LOSE MY MIND IF I DON’T GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE FOR AN EVENING” and we’ll all check our calendars until we find the closest night that works for everyone.

    (Apparently Birthday Club uses ALL CAPS in my mind. If you could hear how loud we are when we get together you’d understand.)

    At our dinner in May we realized we were about to celebrate our five year anniversary and all agreed we wanted to do something fun to commemorate all that we’ve been through together. Over the last five years we’ve gone from six kids between us to having six more, we’ve survived house remodels, miscarriages, and deaths of loved ones. We’ve discussed everything from our thoughts on Matt Lauer to the Real Housewives to the trials of potty-training to struggles with postpartum depression.

    Basically, we’ve covered it all.

    So this past Friday we checked into two rooms at the Westin La Cantera Resort to celebrate five years of friendship. And, let me tell you, by the time I arrived I was in desperate need of some girl time. Caroline has mastered the art of guilt and told me before I left that she wanted to watch me walk away because it was “the last time I’ll see you walking before tomorrow” and “it seems like you would want to come home to your child”. It was slightly dramatic considering that I’d be gone less than 18 hours and she was spending the night with Mimi and Bops which is the equivalent of being at a theme park with a full-service wait staff who serve rootbeer floats at regular intervals.

    Anyway, we arrived at the hotel and it took us approximately 4.3 seconds to change into our bathing suits and head down to the adults-only pool armed with sunscreen, big floppy hats and a few copies of People and InStyle magazine. As it turned out, we didn’t need the magazines because we never quit talking while we sat piled together on six lounge chairs looking out at the incredible view of the Texas Hill Country.

    Later on we ate dinner and then headed back to our rooms where we had an in-depth discussion about all the ways we do not understand what the kids are listening to on the radio these days. Who is Ke$ha with a dollar sign? Where did Justin Beiber come from and why can’t we get his song out of our head? What does it say about us that we can look through a People magazine and not know who half the people are or why they are famous for this particular fifteen minutes?

    Then our friend Julie revealed that she doesn’t own a DVR which caused us all to have a few moments of silence as we pondered what our own lives would look like without it. To make matters worse, she asked, “Is that the thing that lets you rewind shows while you’re watching them?”

    Listen, we are all praying for her.

    After staying up laughing and talking way too late, Steph woke us up the next morning after she returned from her morning workout (we’re praying for her, too) and we all went down to eat breakfast. Which is where this unfortunate picture was taken.

    I don’t know why Tweety Bird chose to come over to our table since, clearly, we were child-free and there were plenty of other surrounding tables with children just dying to get in on some Tweety Bird photo action. Yet Tweety kept loitering by our table and waving awkwardly until our friend Amy finally pulled out her camera and took a picture of Gulley and me with Tweety just to appease him. And after all that, poor Tweety misjudged the direction of his eyes and posed looking in the wrong direction. Also, is it just me or does that waiter in the background look like he’s in the midst of some deep thoughts? Maybe he was wondering why a table full of grown women wanted a picture with Tweety Bird.

    Sadly, I only got about another hour by the pool before it was time to go home to my child and chauffeur her to 164 different birthday parties on Saturday afternoon. But it was so much fun while it lasted.

    Now we’re just trying to figure out how we can upgrade our monthly dinners to a monthly sleepover at a nice hotel. Something tells me that’s going to be a hard sell, but we may be able to provide a convincing argument if we put together a budget chart showing how much money we’ve saved each other in professional therapy bills.

    When you look at it that way, the hotel room essentially pays for itself.

  • I feel like I should apologize for the photo quality

    If the sign of a good time is how many wardrobe changes you have in a twelve hour time period, then someone had a very, very good weekend.

    (Listen, I don’t know how I managed to completely cut her head off in this picture. I’m a horrible, horrible photographer)

    Let us not speak of the laundry.

  • Fashion Friday: All I planned to do was post one picture

    Caroline is a big fan of all manner of accessories.

    Even if they happen to be 3-D glasses.

    I hadn’t planned on doing a Fashion Friday post, but I couldn’t help myself. Please note that I was way too lazy to actually post pictures this time. I apologize profusely.

    1. Fossil Crystal Watch

    Love the turquoise color of this watch. And it’s on sale.

    2. Embroidered Kurta Tunic

    Words can’t describe how much I adore this tunic. The yellow color makes me so happy.

    3. Coralie Cami

    I saw this in J.Crew yesterday and thought it was a cute summer top.

    4. La Blanca Splash Bandini

    A reader named Lara sent me the link to this swimsuit. I love it.

    5. Blue Howlite Multi-Strand Necklace

    Have I mentioned I like turquoise?

    6. Nine West Euliane Wedge

    I’ve been wanting some nude-colored wedge sandals and really like these because I could wear them with a lot of different things.

    7. Stone Bib Necklace

    Love the colors in this necklace. Very summery.

    8. Muse Chain Strap Matte Jersey Shift Dress

    On the season finale of Tori and Dean, Tori wore this unbelievably gorgeous one-shouldered caftan after their vow renewal ceremony. I desperately tried to find a good picture of it, but failed. I’m sure it was vintage something or other and cost at least $35.

    And I’m not sure how any of that relates to this jersey shift dress at all, but I just wanted to tell you about my love for the caftan.

    9. Crochet Trim Swing Skirts

    You know how I love a summer skirt.

    10. Gingham Red Coral Shirt

    I can’t really explain why I love this gingham shirt so much. The heart wants what it wants.

    Plus, I can just picture it with a turquoise necklace and some boots. And probably some pants of some kind would be a nice touch, too.

    Y’all have a great Friday.