Author: Big Mama

I’ve always been partial to a scuba suit

Yesterday morning I met Gulley at 9:00 a.m. at Starbucks. We used to meet at Starbucks every Tuesday morning but then she started teaching preschool and that was the end of our Tuesday mornings. Basically, she chose a classroom of three-year-olds with questionable potty abilities over me. But I couldn’t really offer her a paycheck to meet me at Starbucks and spend the day shopping, although HOW GREAT WOULD THAT JOB BE? Not necessarily the coffee with me part because I tend to overshare and can sometimes be moody, but the shopping part would be perfection.

Speaking of shopping (this transition is a stretch), I feel like I need to share the specifics on the dresses Caroline and I wore for Easter because so many of you asked. And here’s where I confess that I swapped dresses with one of my friends because FREE is always the right price. That specific dress isn’t available anymore because she bought it last year, but this one is by the same designer and looks very similar. I recommend zipping it up before you wear it all day. That’s just a free style tip.

Oh, and my necklace came from Francesca’s, but I bought it a few years ago.

I found Caroline’s dress on Etsy from a shop called Kissing Kumquats. And P’s shirt came from Old Navy. No one asked, but I don’t want him to feel left out. Of course he didn’t even know he owned a new shirt until I showed it to him that morning and said, “This is what you’re wearing”. He’s like my very own Ken doll but without the ambiguous sexuality or the Corvette.

Anyway, Gulley and I sat outside at Starbucks even though the humidity was hovering somewhere around 115% and caught up on life. They’d been in Bryan for Easter so we hadn’t really talked in almost 48 hours and had so many important things to discuss like our hair and self-tanner.

After a little while, we headed out to shop. Our first stop was Nordstrom Rack and it did not disappoint. Gulley found a few things she’d been looking for and I mainly sat in the dressing room and offered unsolicited advice. I wasn’t really there to buy since I’ve already reached my $15.00 shopping quota for the month, but I did find one great pair of shorts that I had to buy because finding a decent pair of shorts is like discovering a farm filled with unicorns.

(Why a farm of unicorns? I don’t know. It’s what came to mind. Plus a ranch full of unicorns would be hard to manage and might not come with a big red barn and some friendly pigs with a spider that weaves magical webs living in a corner of the doorway.)

(It’s my unicorn farm. It can be anything I want it to be.)

We left The Rack and drove over to La Cantera because I always like to see what they have at Zara. Ultimately we ended up at the real Nordstrom since it’s one of our favorite places to eat lunch, largely due to the fries with the kalamata olive dip.

But Gulley wanted to make a quick run through the workout clothes before we ate lunch. And the workout clothes are located, appropriately enough, right next to all the new swim wear. It’s just one big section of sweeping judgement and condemnation for the sins of cinnamon rolls and missed workouts past.

We tried not to make eye contact with the swim wear, but got caught up in a spirit of optimism as we both recalled swimsuits from a few years back that we hadn’t hated. We thought maybe, JUST MAYBE, there might be a miracle waiting for us there amidst the racks. Ultimately, I told Gulley I wasn’t going to try anything on because I knew deep down in my heart that it would only serve to ruin my plan to eat way too many fries dipped in kalamata olive dip and I didn’t want to have a lunch consisting of lettuce, Diet Coke and regret.

However, Gulley ventured in because she saw a suit that seemed to hold some promise. She went into the dressing room while I checked the Twitter on my phone. The silence coming from the dressing room was deafening. And then the salesgirl walked in with a few more swimsuits for Gulley to try. I heard Gulley say, “Aw. That’s nice. Thank you but I’m done for today.”

As we walked towards the cafe’ I told her she was one of the bravest women I’ve ever known. And we agreed that being in your late thirties isn’t for the faint of heart. Then we ate a lot of fries dipped in kalamata olive dip and laughed until we cried over various things and went back to our happy place of swimsuit denial.

The reality is that I probably need to spend some time with my arch nemesis, Jillian Michaels.

However, I chose to go all Scarlett O’Hara and think about it tomorrow. But now tomorrow is today.

Dang.
All she wants for Easter are her two front teeth

Here’s what you need to know about our weekend. We experienced the mythical and elusive Easter Bunny/Tooth Fairy exacta on Saturday night. (I wish I could say trifecta because that sounds better, but that would have required Santa Claus or our door guy showing up.) The Easter Bunny even left a note letting us know he ran into the Tooth Fairy in the hallway of our house. What are the odds?

(The Easter Bunny also signed his note, “Hoppy Easter!” because he/she is hilarious. It was a real crowd pleaser. And by crowd pleaser, I mean Caroline thought it was the best thing she’d ever read.)

It all started on Saturday morning. We were on our way to Caroline’s soccer game when she mentioned that her remaining front tooth was bleeding. P and I kind of blew it off because the tooth hadn’t seemed that loose the day before and he told her to leave it alone since “the middle of a soccer game isn’t the best time to lose a tooth”.

And then she lost her tooth in the middle of a soccer game.

I noticed that she kept messing around with her tooth during the first part of the game as opposed to, oh I don’t know, trying to score goals. Then right after half time, she was running down the field when she suddenly stopped and yelled to P, “DADDY! MY TOOTH JUST CAME OUT!”

He sent her over to me. She looked as if she wasn’t sure if she wanted to laugh or cry, but ultimately handed me the tooth and ran back on the field to the cheers of the crowd. After the game she told me that she was running down the field, put her tongue behind the tooth, it popped out of her mouth and she caught it in her hand. I so appreciate her cat-like reflexes even though I can assure you that she doesn’t get them from me, especially considering that I watched a wooden cutting board fall on my foot yesterday and couldn’t get out of the way.

(My foot appears to be fine, by the way. Bruised, but fine. I did, however, have to ask for forgiveness for my thoughts toward the cutting board and the cookie sheet that propelled it onto my foot. And the white hot fury that tempted me to throw it across the kitchen.)

After the soccer game/tooth drama we came home and dyed Easter eggs.

We took it very seriously this year. As opposed to years past when the goal was to dunk each egg in as many different colors as possible until they all were a color that can only be described as tie-dyed mud.

On Saturday night we spent time with some friends and got home a little late. Fortunately, the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy had indulged in plenty of caffeine throughout the day so they could complete their appointed rounds. Just like the postman, but without the slew of Boden catalogs I get in the mail EVERY SINGLE DAY.

And ALL THE EXCITEMENT resulted in a Sunday morning wake up call at around 6:00 a.m. But if Jesus can rise from the dead bright and early on Sunday morning, certainly I can make myself get out of bed. Especially since I was being dragged by a toothless seven-year-old.

She had already found the money left by the Tooth Fairy and ran into the living room to see what the bunny had delivered.

That’ll do, Pig. That’ll do.

Also, please notice the freaky shadows cast on my walls by the animal mounts. Nice.

And then the search was on for hidden eggs.

It required some thought and effort. The Easter Bunny upped his/her game this year.

After all the eggs were found, it was time for a nutritious breakfast of chocolate bunny ears.

We all got dressed and headed to church. Unfortunately, in my rush to get Caroline and I both looking presentable, I forgot to zip up the side zipper on my dress. A fashion faux pas I didn’t notice until AFTER Easter brunch. Classy.

And now, a million pictures of the day. You can be like Caroline and ask, “WHEN IS THIS GOING TO BE OVER?”

Look how cute they are.

And look at what I had to endure before I got that picture.

Also, I discovered it’s not as easy to hold Caroline as it used to be. I’m seconds from falling over.

My delicate Easter flower.

Mimi and Bops and my sister and her family came over for Easter brunch. And guess what? We took more pictures.

Do you know how hard it is to get a picture of all three kids looking at the camera at the same time? If it had been a test, I would have failed.

Then the cascarones (confetti eggs) came out.

It was shortly after this picture that I found myself with a hair full of confetti. It should all be out by sometime in July.

Not even Luke was safe.

The day ended with some high level Easter egg negotiations.

It was such a fun day. I totally understood when Caroline said last night before bed, “I WISH IT WERE EASTER AGAIN TOMORROW.”

While she’s at it she may want to wish for her two front teeth.
Fashion Friday: Edition because He is risen

“I delight greatly in the Lord; my soul rejoices in my God.
For he has clothed me with garments of salvation
and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness.” Isaiah 61:10

Happy Easter!
Ten things

A list. That’s what I have today. A list.

1. A few days ago, my friend Holly Mathis wrote a post featuring houses with yellow front doors. And I’ve become a little obsessed with the colors used on this house.

I’m not saying I actually want a bright yellow front door, but I’m not saying I don’t.

It sure is cute.

2. Speaking of front doors, we’ve had to face the reality that we are dead to door guy. I have no doubt that both of our phone numbers are now on permanent DO NOT ANSWER status. And since I have no desire to forever live with a piece of plywood stapled to the hole in our front door, I called a glass company to come give us an estimate.

Lo and behold, it is no big deal to replace the glass, contrary to what we were told by door guy. It will be ready next week and the whole thing is costing a little over $100. Which makes it even more shocking that door guy didn’t just pony up a new piece of glass.

3. Gulley told me she saw the movie trailer for The Help the other night while watching a T.V. special about William and Kate. I tried to swallow my bitterness that at the same time Gulley was experiencing T.V. perfection, I was being subjected to some movie called Zombieland.

And then I found the trailer on Youtube so I could watch it for myself. LOVE.

If you need me in August, I’ll be at the theater.

4. Several of you asked about the Mama Tried t-shirt Caroline had on in the picture yesterday. It is one of my absolute favorites and was sent to her by the Junk Gypsies. If you’ve never visited their site and seen all their cool stuff, you’re missing out.

5. And, yes, she was wearing a Mexican dress in the picture with my sunglasses. We bought it at the Fiesta Store here in town, but you can find approximately one million of them at El Mercado in downtown San Antonio.

But if you don’t happen to have a mercado in your town, you can find them on Etsy.

And if you want to recreate my seventh grade year, you can wear it with jelly shoes.

6. The app I used for my phone pictures is Instagram. If you don’t have it, you need it. And it’s free.

7. I know I haven’t talked at all about Friday Night Lights season premiere. Mainly because I don’t even know where to begin. So let’s start where all good things begin, Tim Riggins. Hated to see him in jail, but I was glad to see him at all.

Julie Taylor leaving for college about did me in. I was seconds away from the ugly cry.

Coach Taylor was perfection as always.

And Landry visiting Grandma Saracen was one of my favorite scenes.

All in all, I can’t wait to see what happens. Based on the previews, it looks like it’s going to be quite the ride.

8. Boden is having a big 40% off sale right now on all kinds of cute stuff, including their raincoats. I’ve wanted one of their raincoats for a while now but I don’t dare order one at this point and I’ll tell you why. I finally bought a pair of rainboots back in January and I’ve worn them ONE time. WHEN IT SNOWED.

I feel like I might be singlehandedly responsible for the drought. Who knows what would happen if I bought a raincoat? I couldn’t live with the guilt.

9. What’s everybody doing for Easter? Any big plans? Do you eat Easter lunch or Easter dinner? What do you have? Or do you just eat a six-pack of Reeses’ Eggs and call it a day?

10. Don’t forget about the Tracy Porter giveaway. You can enter by visiting this page right here. I’ve also got a giveaway going for a $100 Visa gift card from Tropicana. You can enter by visiting here.

See y’all tomorrow.

Tracy Porter reminder/ Tropicana reminder
In lieu of actual words

So I was thinking it might be fun to just show you a few pictures I’ve taken with my phone over the last week or so.

(Actually, I wasn’t really thinking that at all, but it sounds better than saying I’m tired and ready to go to bed and can’t come up with anything interesting to say.)

This is Caroline and Will at the baseball field about a week ago. Someday Gulley and I are going to have set these two loose on the world. Look at those expressions. Heaven help the world.

Caroline with my nephew Luke at a Mexican restaurant. Luke is almost seventeen months old and still prefers to spend the majority of his time looking like a muppet. I could eat him up.

About two weeks ago, this is what the rose bush in our front yard looked like. Sadly, it doesn’t look like that anymore.

After church on Sundays, Caroline likes to eat a chocolate donut. And save some of the chocolate on her face for later. This week she preferred to eat her donut while wearing my sunglasses.

Playing in the sprinklers and eating a popsicle. What else do you do when it’s already 100 degrees outside?

I adore this picture. And I adore that girl.

Finally, if ever a picture completely summed up Caroline, this might be it.

I’ll be back tomorrow when I’ve hopefully regained some knowledge of how to use the English language to form sentences and maybe even paragraphs.
Helicopters and hogs

I’m sure that y’all have been on pins and needles wondering what we did this past weekend. Good news. The wait is over.

It was actually a long weekend for us because Friday was a school holiday. What holiday, you ask? Battle of Flowers.

No, you didn’t miss a memo. It’s only celebrated here in San Antonio as part of the ten day extravaganza known as Fiesta where faux royalty zoom at high speeds down neighborhood streets with a police escort to get the faux king to various elementary schools on time so he can hand out faux medals. Viva Fiesta.

Anyway, there’s a big parade and a lot of whoop-de-do, but we missed all that because P and Caroline headed down to the ranch for their annual helicopter hunt. For those of you who may be new, I should probably explain that P has a good friend who’s in the military. This friend makes it into town about once a year and a rancher friend of P’s always takes this opportunity to rent a helicopter so they can do a big helicopter hog hunt because wild hogs can turn into a big problem on ranches if the population isn’t controlled. They tend to party way too much and tear things up and wear lampshades on their heads while wandering around looking for their beer bong.

I know it will shock you to learn that I usually choose to stay home.

Plans for the helicopter hunt began to take shape a few weeks ago when P confirmed that his friend was going to be able to make it into town before he gets deployed next month. There were emails and phone calls and strategies about ammo and weaponry. P heads up a small group geared towards hunters for our church. (Is it just me or can you guess he also watches Nascar just from that last sentence?) A large part of their purpose is to use the wild game they kill to provide meals for the homeless so P invited the sportsmans’ group to the ranch for the hunt to help out. One of my happiest moments of last week was when I read an email he’d sent out to the group. I’ll spare you the whole thing and just share my favorite excerpt:

“As soon as the hogs break cover we will take a knee and ready ourselves. On command we will rise and shoot. WE WILL ONLY SHOOT OUT IN FRONT OF US. AS SOON AS THE HOGS BREAK THROUGH OUR LINE OR TURN OFF, THE FIRING WILL CEASE. AT NO POINT WILL YOU BE ALLOWED TO SHOOT AT HOGS IN THE FIELD!!!! The reason for this is we will have LOTS of people, livestock and vehicles out and about. This not negotiable. If this rule is broken we will shoot you, process you and feed you to the homeless!”

And he signed it “Grace and Mercy in the name of Jesus, P”.

Not really. But it makes me laugh to think about it.

It would appear though, that for all our differences, we share a love of the ALL CAPS to make our point.

Caroline was able to be a part of the helicopter experience for the first time last year and she’s been begging to do it again ever since then. Naturally, she was FIRED UP about the whole thing. I would really prefer that my dear family remain on the ground the way God intended when he gave us feet and not wings, but I realize I cannot let all my irrational fears rule our lives or there’s a good chance we could all end up living inside a bubble like John Travolta did in that movie. Providing that bubble had access to reality television.

So I spent the week taking deep breaths and reading Psalm 91 and, really, I was feeling okay about the whole thing.

Until Thursday night.

You may remember that I attempted to bake a cake with an antiquated cake mix and then had to resort to cookies only to discover I was out of vanilla. I was not going to be deterred from my cookie mission so Caroline and I walked across the street, bowl in hand, to borrow two teaspoons of vanilla from our neighbors. They invited us in and Bill asked Caroline what she was going to do this weekend. She answered, “Ride in a helicopter and shoot hogs.”

Well, sure. I have no doubt that’s exactly what he was expecting her to say.

He replied, “Wow! I’ve never even been in a helicopter. Does it have doors and seatbelts?”

She thought about it for a minute and said, “Nope. It doesn’t have doors or seatbelts. Just a big pole in the middle that I have to hold onto.”

And that’s when I passed out and dropped my bowl of newly acquired vanilla extract.

We walked back across the street as I breathed into a paper bag and were barely in the house when I asked P, “Does that helicopter not have doors or seatbelts?” He looked at me like he felt sorry for me and said, “Of course it has seatbelts, why would you think it didn’t?”

I looked at Caroline and she looked back at me with a sheepish grin on her face. Apparently she appreciates the art of creating some drama to make a story better.

They left the house about 6:00 a.m. on Friday morning. I wanted to be worried but I fell right back asleep thanks to the hefty dose of Benadryl I’d taken the night before in an attempt to fight off the pollen. A few hours later I woke up to the sound of a text message on my phone and was relieved to see this.

And this.

What does it say about me that it makes me want to say, “That’ll do, Pig. That’ll do.”?

They returned home at the end of the day, dirty and exhausted, but with big smiles on their faces and one of them was jumping up and down with excitement over all the fun. That P. He gets so keyed up.

That’ll do, Pig. That’ll do.