Author: Big Mama

I realize that I haven’t been so big on posting anything resembling actual paragraphs that all flow together neatly this week, but I have a very good reason. I’ve been very busy trying to find the perfect pair of nude-colored wedge heels. Or as they may also be called, cognac, tan, taupe, tan or natural. I know this because I’ve looked at every cognac, natural, nude, tan shoe in a fifteen mile radius of my home. So far all I’ve committed to is admitting that I am very indecisive when it comes to choosing a pair of shoes.

So, today, I offer you bullet points because that’s how I’m going to roll.

1. Before we’re too removed from the subject of shoes, I have to tell y’all about the exciting discovery I made at Target yesterday. Those of you who’ve been reading for a while may remember that I don’t get to Target like I used to for reasons that are double-fold:

A. It moved further away and the drive contains six additional stoplights.

B. It is the central Target location for way too many Target shoppers and, thus, is always over-shopped. If there are some good Mossimo finds to be had you better grab them fast because those suckers will be GONE in less than a day.

(Is this starting to look like an outline? It’s very fancy.)

But I went there yesterday because I was on my way home from Bible Study and it was technically on the way home. And that’s when I found the Emeline Braid Flat Sandal.

Only $15.00 and it comes in an array of colors. AN ARRAY.

Also, while I was trying on all the various colors in the shoe aisle, I misplaced my own flip-flop. Seriously. I couldn’t find it for at least three or four minutes and wondered if I was going to be forced to make the walk of shame back to my car wearing only one shoe.

I even wondered for a moment if someone had stolen it because, YES, there is a huge black market for one silver flip-flop.

2. My shoe adventures led me to DSW Shoe Warehouse where I tried on eighty-four variations of nude/tan/cognac/natural wedge heels. Before I got to the store I’d stopped at Chick-Fil-A to grab a quick chicken sandwich for lunch and threw away the remnants of my sandwich and my empty Diet Coke in the trash can outside DSW as I walked in.

After thirty minutes of not committing to shoes, I walked back out to the car while digging in my purse for my keys. I couldn’t find them. I dug some more. No dice. Or keys.

I immediately began to speculate that I’d thrown my keys away with my Chick-Fil-A bag in the trash can outside DSW. And, y’all, I was mortified thinking that I was about to have to go dig through a public trash can in search of my keys.

But that’s when I realized the the lining of my purse has ripped towards the bottom and the keys had fallen between the lining and the outside of the purse.

Thank the Lord in heaven.

3. I get various emails from PR people every now and then. Before, my favorites were always the ones addressed to “Dear Ms.” It’s just so personal and heartwarming. It really conveys that they put forth zero minutes of effort to get to know me before offering me the chance to help them out.

But then yesterday I got an email addressed to “Ms. Melanie Blogger”. Yes, that’s my real name. The secret is out.

And if that wasn’t enough, I received another email with the subject line “Soleil Moon Frye -EXCITING NEWS!” I thought maybe Soleil Moon Frye wanted to give me thousands of dollars or offer me a guest spot on a Punky Brewster Reunion Show. But it was neither of those things. Which leads me to believe that the PR person and I have very different ideas of what constitutes EXCITING NEWS!

4. While I was in the checkout line at HEB yesterday I was tempted to buy every single issue of every single magazine with Prince William and Kate Middleton on the cover. I love a royal wedding. And I love more that the DVR has been invented which will allow me to record it and watch it at a decent hour.

Plus I’m sure P will want to watch it with me. Just as soon as I explain to him who Prince William and Kate Middleton are.

5. On a T.V. note, Friday Night Lights starts on NBC in just one week. I realize I could just go buy Season 5 on DVD but I want to savor the experience and watch it episode by episode until it’s over. And then I’ll cry.

I’ll be back tomorrow with the last five trends of Spring/Summer unless I accidentally delete the post again and then I will throw my computer through the window.

Y’all have a great day.

Yesterday morning I drove Caroline to school while simultaneously rejoicing that we only have seven more Monday mornings left until summer. I hope I survive them because Monday mornings contain an abundance of I WANTED TO WEAR MY KHAKI SHORTS and I DON’T LIKE THAT SKIRT ANYMORE and DID YOU REMEMBER I HAVE TO BRING TWO BAGS OF MINI-MARSHMALLOWS TO SCHOOL TODAY?

Yes, of course I remembered that even though you never told me because my whole entire life is devoted to keeping extra bags of mini-marshmallows on hand JUST IN CASE.

After I dropped her off at school I came home and procrastinated for about the next hour in the form of laundry and unloading the dishwasher until I could put off the Shred no longer. I put on Jillian Michaels, muted the T.V. because it’s the only way I can tolerate her, and made it through Level One even though I’m pretty sure my quads started screaming for mercy around the fifteen minute mark. I guess they should have thought about that before they tempted me to eat that Amy’s ice cream Sunday night. (Dark chocolate with Reeses’ peanut butter cups aka the ice cream they will serve in heaven)

Ultimately, I ended up cleaning out my closet because all my warm weather clothes were still up at the top of my closet and that doesn’t really help me when the temps are in the 90’s and it might feel good to wear something besides a sweater.

And since I have nothing more exciting to talk about than cleaning out my closet, here is a list of things I learned throughout that process.

1. I own approximately 52 white shirts. None of them happen to be ironed.

2. Yet I keep buying white shirts that need to be ironed. I believe this is what the experts refer to as “denial”.

3. I have a pair of Levi 501 jeans that I’ve owned since P and I were dating over fourteen years ago. They are terribly high-waisted and completely out of date. But they still fit and so my pride and I like to keep them around even though 1995 may call and tell me it wants its jeans back.

4. I still own a paisley dress from Harold’s that I bought to wear to my ten year high school reunion that I can’t bear to let go of even though odds are good I’ll never wear it again. Especially since I attended my twenty year high school reunion two years ago.

5. I have several outfits that could benefit from a pair of gold sandals.

6. Cleaning out my closet brings out the Joan Crawford in me and I suddenly need to have all plastic hangers. Specifically, I need them to either be white or clear. NO WIRE HANGERS EVER.

7. Gulley let me borrow a shirt the other day and I even replaced the hanger on her shirt with a white plastic hanger. And then threw her wire hanger away.

8. Those of you who think you might want to be my friend in real life might want to rethink that decision.

9. I ended up with two bags of stuff to give away. Yet I still own a denim vest, a black business suit, a Christmas Formal 1993 sweatshirt, a ten-year-old pink t-shirt from Banana Republic with a small hole in it and a pair of wicker shoes that were a bad idea when I bought them eight years ago and remain a bad idea to this day.

10. After I got the closet completely organized and neat I walked back in there no less than fifty times throughout the day to admire my work. I even took a picture.

It might be time for me to look into the possibility of finding a hobby.

Maybe you could make me feel better and tell me something in your closet that you hang onto in spite of all logic, reason, and good taste.

At some point on Friday morning I finally got over the fact that I’d managed to delete almost my entire Fashion Friday post and the whole host of links that I’d worked tirelessly on throughout the day on Thursday, but then Sophie texted me and asked if I’d checked my auto-save feature to see if a copy of it might still be saved there. And, lo, I had no idea such a thing existed and THERE IT WAS. Not in its entirety, mind you, but enough of it to restore my faith in computers and the internet and humanity.

I debated putting up the post late Friday afternoon but decided to wait until later on this week because I don’t know why. It just seemed like a good decision. Plus, I finally found my copy of the 30 Day Shred DVD and, after two days of Level One, I had been rendered almost completely incapable of any movement and could hardly bear to speak on Friday unless it was to complain about how incredibly sore my muscles were and lament that I have apparently failed to use my delts or whatever those muscles are in my arms for the better part of the year. My theory that carrying in the groceries is all the workout my arms need has been proven totally false.

I also may have had to tell P that if he came home and couldn’t find me he should probably check the bathroom because there was a 78% chance that I might sit down on the toilet at some point and not be able to get back up.

Is that too much information?

Probably so.

Anyway, it was a good weekend and not just because my fears of getting stuck on the toilet were never realized. On Friday afternoon, Caroline’s school had their annual school carnival. It just so happened that it was the hottest April 1st on record since 1939 which made it extra special to be working at the snow cone booth. By the time Caroline and I made it home at 6:00 p.m., I was covered in cherry syrup and have a pair of shorts that will never be the same. My only consolation was that she failed to win a goldfish even after spending the bulk of her tickets in what turned out to be a futile attempt. Instead, she won the cakewalk on her first try and we came home with a pan of brownies. And everyone knows that homemade brownies trump a goldfish any day of the week.

P didn’t get home from work until late that night because ’tis the landscaping season, so Caroline secured herself a dinner date with Mimi and Bops while P and I ate a late dinner of takeout Mexican food and promptly fell asleep on the couch. We live in the fast lane over here.

Caroline had a soccer game Saturday morning. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it but the Cheetah Girls changed their name to the Magic. I’m not totally sure why they felt the need for a name change, but I’m just grateful they ended up with the Magic instead of their original choice, the Lizards. I think they would have had some lingering regrets over being the Lizards.

They played a great game and Caroline scored two goals. It was a big day. She had the eye of the tiger.

Later on we attended a birthday party complete with ice cream cake and an enormous bounce house.

On Sunday morning we woke up for church and P made the comment that we had to drive his truck because he needed to take a pig to church. I got on the Twitter and said I was afraid to ask why we were taking a pig to church and if it was dead or alive. For those of y’all who wondered, it was dead. And in a cooler. And will go to provide meals for the homeless. Which is so much more socially acceptable than showing up at church with a live pig. Isn’t it? Or have I just been completely desensitized to what is normal behavior? I mean, there was probably a time I would have believed that showing up at church with pork in any context other than in the form of a honey-glazed ham for a potluck dinner was a faux pas.

But those days of pork innocence are gone.

And then there was this.

The Texas A&M women’s basketball team beat top-seeded Stanford and is going to play for the National Championship on Tuesday night.

Gig’em Aggies.

And that was the weekend.