Author: Big Mama

  • In hindsight, a hot dog would have been a better choice

    I realize that yesterday’s post was lame. Y’all don’t really care about Rico’s nacho cheese and all the regrets I have about continuing to eat it long after I knew it was a bad choice. But Gulley and I had to stay up late analyzing our hair and discussing my plan to eat nothing but steamed vegetables for at least six weeks after I get back home.

    And sometimes you just have to let those things take precedence over trying to write a blog post with all manner of mundane details.

    But I’m going to attempt to do better tonight. I can’t make any guarantees.

    We loaded up the kids on Saturday morning to head to Bryan. Our goal was for Caroline and me to pick up Shipley’s donuts and be at Gulley’s house, packed and ready to go, by 9:30 a.m. So when we finally made it out of town by 10:15, we felt like it was an accomplishment to only be running 45 minutes late. We had to air up tires and retrieve booster seats and play musical cars before we could get serious about our road trip.

    I had to follow Gulley since Caroline and I are leaving for Houston on Tuesday. The kids all chose to ride in Gulley’s car so I basically had a mini-vacation in the stay wag while Gulley had to worry about car sickness, musical selections and refereeing any potential arguments.

    We made it to Bryan without any incidents. Unless you count when we made a bathroom stop in Bastrop and Caroline ate a piece of ice out of the cooler full of iced down beer by the cash register. Why would you think that’s a good idea? I looked at Gulley and said, “Well, when we all get the stomach bug, remember this moment.”

    But fortunately we all appear to have survived this germ-laden lapse in judgment.

    As soon as we arrived at Honey and Big’s house, we grabbed a few sandwiches and then went straight to Olsen Field to watch the Aggies play baseball. I showed Caroline the art of eating sunflower seeds and the ladylike way to get the shells out of your mouth. But she preferred to spit them in a decidedly unladylike manner. I have only myself to blame.

    The Aggies lost the game and my purse lost the battle against a bag of sunflower seeds.

    I don’t know that the picture does it justice, but between the dirt that was already in the bottom of my purse and those seeds, I should have a lovely bouquet in about two weeks.

    Later that night, Nena came over to eat dinner with us and brought me a whole stack of fashion magazines. She handed them to me and announced she’d spent all day reading them so she could finish them before she gave them to me. AND she’d even peeled off the subscription address labels so they’d appear new. She also said, “You’re the ONLY ONE around here that will appreciate these”, which caused Gulley and her mama to laugh until they cried. Nena is the queen of the backhanded compliment.

    After dinner Gulley told Nena she’d just bought a new pair of jeans and Nena said she’d love to see them. Gulley put them on and when she walked out to model them, Nena said, “OH! THOSE ARE HORRIBLE. I’VE SEEN YOU THROW THINGS IN THE TRASH THAT LOOK BETTER THAN THOSE JEANS.”

    I don’t think Nena really embraces the concept of paying money for faded jeans that have a little character.

    It made us so happy.

    The next morning Caroline and Will rode with Big to secure us a nutritious breakfast.

    What you really can’t see are the six bags of donut holes behind those boxes. When it comes to Shipley’s, we believe that more is more.

    We were all slightly groggy from the Daylight Savings Time nonsense, but were ready to go back to Olsen Field for some more baseball by 1:00.

    All was well and good until Caroline and I decided we were hungry. I didn’t really want a hot dog and Gulley had mentioned the concession stand on the third base side had Frito pies, nachos and pulled pork sandwiches. I was envisioning an old school ballpark Frito pie served in a Frito bag. So you can imagine my dismay when I realized it was just some tortilla chips covered in that bright yellow nacho cheese with some questionable-looking chili poured on top. I rethought my Frito pie decision and opted instead for the pulled pork sandwich and the nachos sans chili for Caroline.

    They didn’t even pour the cheese over the chips for us. The nachos were a bag of chips and that container of cheese. And the pulled pork sandwich? I can’t really think about it. Especially in light of the fact that I ate over half of it before I realized I’d made a serious mistake assuming I was even eating pork.

    I put the sandwich under my seat because I couldn’t bear to look at it and then asked Honey if she wanted the rest of Caroline’s nachos. She asked, “Are they good?” To which I replied, “Well, the cheese came out of this plastic container and isn’t warm or cold. What do you think?”

    She passed.

    On the upside, the Aggies came back in the eighth inning to win the game. And the kids got to take a celebratory lap around the bases.

    And then they waited outside the locker room to get their baseballs signed by the players. Which is when Gulley and I noted that black socks with Adidas sandals appear to be all the rage with the college athletes and have never felt older. Back in our day, that’s what the grandpas of college athletes wore.

    Will included his own signature on his baseball and offered to sign Caroline and Jackson’s as well. They declined.

    Later that night the kids had an Easter Egg hunt in the backyard because they aren’t bothered by the fact that Easter is still a month away.

    Later on, Honey wanted to get a picture of all the kids with her dogs.

    I am not kidding when I tell y’all that this is the closest we got to making that a reality. Gulley has no future as a dog whisperer.

    But I do think her jeans look cute.

  • Culinary regrets

    We’re only two days in and are thoroughly enjoying our Spring Break.

    In fact, I only have one regret thus far.

    Why did I think this was a wise culinary choice?

    I’ll be back tomorrow with all the interesting (and uninteresting) details, but for now I need to go to bed and get some rest.

    It’s not easy to have this much fun. Or eat this bad.

    ________________________________

    On a healthier note, click over to my giveaway page to read about Tropicana Pure Premium orange juice and a chance to win $100 gift card.

  • Fashion Friday: Edition I was tossing and turning all night

    I slept so good on Tuesday night. In fact, I slept so good that I spent most of the day on Wednesday feeling excited about going to sleep that night just so I could sleep as good as I slept the night before.

    Yes. This is what my life has become.

    But you know what happened instead? I hardly slept at all. I tossed and turned and when I did manage to fall asleep I just had a series of work dreams. You know what I’m talking about? Those weird dreams where you’re working so hard at something that you can’t relax. And I don’t even remember what I was trying to accomplish.

    So I’m a little sleep-deprived. My eyes are burning and I have a general grumpy cat feeling.

    And you may be wondering, WHAT DOES ANY OF THIS HAVE TO DO WITH FASHION AND SPRING TRENDS?

    Absolutely nothing. I just wanted to share my misery. And my insomnia.

    Also, it means that I’m waiting until next week to talk about the final five trends for Spring. But, don’t fret, there are still good fashion times to be had today.

    1. ivory tower tank

    Well. This is just gorgeous.

    All I need is a tan, a cami to wear under it, and toned arms. Which reminds me that I haven’t seen my 30 Day Shred DVD since sometime last fall.

    2. patagonia kamala convertible skirt

    I saw this last week and thought it would make the cutest coverup over a swimsuit. Or just a cute skirt with a tank or a tee. Or, according to them, even a dress.

    I appreciate a garment that doesn’t get caught up in the legalism of just being skirt.

    3. elements of elegance bracelet

    I love these colors together. Now I just need an orange shirt to go with the bracelet that swallowed the fly and wriggled and jiggled and tickled inside her.

    4. the gathering tank

    Love the color. Would probably order a size up. See above reference to missing 30 Day Shred DVD.

    5. vertical stripe skirt

    I can’t take credit for this find. Kendi featured it on her blog the other day and I fell in love with the entire outfit. I think this is partly because she was also wearing a denim shirt tied at the waist which is look I’ve been longing to resurrect since the day I finally bid it adieu, after many internal struggles, back in 1994.

    6. big buddha mission bag

    I have long been a fan of the Big Buddha bag because they are cute and reasonably priced. This one is perfect for spring and summer and comes in an array of colors. AN ARRAY.

    7. turquoise set stone ring

    I’m a sucker for turquoise.

    8. how I caught you top

    I thought this had possibilities. And I hope it’s self-evident that it’s not meant to be worn alone.

    9. femme trench jacket

    I have nowhere to wear this. It doesn’t go with my life at all. But that doesn’t mean I can’t think it’s awfully pretty and smart.

    There is no ten. That’s how much I realized I needed to shut ‘er down and go to bed. I’m sure I’ll wake up in the morning, see that there is no ten, feel that my world is out of order and start to itch.

    But that’s a risk I’m willing to take right now.

    Y’all have a good Friday.

  • Have car, will travel

    I don’t know when I’ve ever been so ready for Spring Break. Second grade is about to kill me. And this is where many of you will leave comments like “Wait until third grade!” or “You think this is bad? Junior high is brutal!” or “Cherish this moment because pretty soon she will be going off to college and getting married and you’ll be a grandmother!”

    Then I’ll get all sentimental, especially because I held my friend Natalie’s newborn baby yesterday and it was a reminder that little babies are so soft and cuddly and don’t ever look at you and say, “NO WAY AM I WEARING THAT.” And then I’ll sing a few bars of Time in A Bottle by Jim Croce because if there’s a tender moment that can’t be summed up with the musical stylings of Jim Croce then I don’t know it.

    (On a parenting side note, a few weeks ago my friend and I were in the school gym waiting for our girls to be finished with basketball practice. She had her two-year-old with her and he was having a particularly bad night. You know? The kind of night that toddlers have because their life is so hard with all the being waited on hand and foot and having their diaper changed. A nice dad from the team was trying to help her out and she said, “Thank you. I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this.” And he responded, “Oh this? This is nothing. I have a daughter in junior high.” I looked at her two-year-old throwing a big screaming fit and have never felt more frightened for my future. On the upside, it has helped my prayer life considerably.)

    If I didn’t know before, I knew for sure it was time for a little break from our routine on Tuesday morning when P told me he could drop Caroline off at school if I’d just get her ready. I packed her lunch, grabbed her school bag, put it around her shoulders, HANDED HER THE KEYS TO MY CAR, and kissed her goodbye. She walked back in the door about five seconds later, handed me back my keys and asked, “HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?”

    Yes. I have. Somewhere between the Rocket Math and the word problems and trying to remember how many pints are in a quart, I have lost my mind.

    Anyway, Gulley and I are leaving town with the kids for a little trip over the break and I can’t wait to get on the road. Spring Break brings out the wanderlust in me, maybe because P and I spent about ten years worth of Spring Breaks taking a busload full of high school kids skiing in Colorado when he worked for Youth for Christ. Obviously this was back when we were younger, stronger people who didn’t mind being woken up in the middle of the night to hear tales of drama and woe such as, “Umm, I told her I liked him but then she said she liked him first and I was like WHATEVER and she knew we were supposed to ski together yesterday and then they went off together and (insert big sobs and nose-blowing here) and she wore her pink ski jacket when SHE KNEW that I was going to wear my pink ski jacket tomorrow.”

    I don’t know why we quit chaperoning those trips.

    Oh, I kid. I loved chaperoning those trips. The actual skiing and the seventeen hour bus ride? Not so much. But the kids? LOVED THEM. And I can’t really think too long about how the majority of those kids are all grown-up and married and have kids of their own now. Cue the Jim Croce.

    So what about y’all? Going anywhere fun or doing anything interesting for Spring Break?

    (Disclaimer: If you are part of a roving band of thieves who is now planning on breaking into our home because I’ve just announced we’ll be out of town, I must warn you that P will still be at home because he is a busy worker bee. He is armed. And semi-dangerous.)

  • Toonces

    P texted me this picture of Caroline driving his truck at the ranch on Saturday.

    I immediately texted him back with “It’s our very own Toonces” because I knew he would get the reference. That’s part of the reason I married him.

    But for those of you who aren’t familiar, I present you with the greatness that is Toonces the Driving Cat.

    We have a very sophisticated sense of humor around here.

  • Sometimes I feel like no one is listening

    Well.

    So that’s what I had to say about that.

    And I cannot thank y’all enough for your kind words and encouragement. Seriously.

    Honestly, now I feel a little bit like George Costanza. Like I may just need to say “I’M OUT!” and shut down the blog forever.

    But I think we all know that I have way too many words stored inside my head to really do that. Plus, what would become of poor P if I didn’t get out at least 1,000 of my words here every day? He’d be forced to listen to my thoughts on The Bachelor and why I never pay full price at Gap and how I saw this product called Easy Feet on sale at HEB yesterday and am so confused how people who can’t manage to wash their own feet could get their feet so dirty that they’d need special shoes in their shower.

    It would really only be a matter of days before he’d move out to the back house and just visit us at mealtimes.

    (I know this because he’s sitting right next to me and I went into great detail explaining why I don’t believe we should even have Daylight Savings Time because they’ve monkeyed around with the dates to the point that it’s not worth losing an hour of my life every spring. And he looked at me and said “Hmm.” Clearly he is very passionate about the whole thing.)

    (Also, to add insult to injury, I just tried to save this lame post while I went and grabbed the camera so I could download pictures from Caroline’s soccer game this past weekend. But my blog broke and the whole bottom half of what used to be this post disappeared. I was grieving my loss when P asked what I’d written about and I said, “The fact that you had no interest in my thoughts on Daylight Savings Time”. To which he replied, “When were you talking about Daylight Savings Time?” I KID YOU NOT.)

    Anyway, I guess I’ll assume that no one wants to hear my thoughts on Daylight Savings Time so I’ll tell you about our weekend instead. It was unremarkable.

    Unless you count the fact that we all almost froze to death at Caroline’s soccer game on Saturday morning. I realize that many of y’all are hardy Northern stock that laugh in the face of temps in the mid-50’s and north winds gusting up to 30 miles an hour, but we’ve been in flip-flops and shorts for over a month now and it came as a complete shock.

    Note to self: Watch the weather forecast the night before a soccer game. Don’t assume it will be warm just because it’s been warm for the last thirty-two days. Also, don’t judge the temperature and windchill factor by standing on your covered back porch on the south side of your house.

    The good news is that the frigid temps and gusting winds allowed P the chance to give our team of seven-year-old girls a lecture on mental toughness. A lecture they really seemed to take to heart while they huddled together under an assortment of quilts and blankets.

    I’m just so glad that some of the other mothers had the good sense to bring some blankets because you know what I brought? A beach towel.

    And if I’m being completely honest, I didn’t even bring the beach towel for Caroline. I brought it for myself because I thought the field might not have bleachers. Mother of the year.

    After the soccer game, P and Caroline headed down to the ranch to burn a bunch of brush because a good burn makes the land healthy. I know that because I listen to P when he talks.

    (Y’all aren’t going to believe that I just asked him if he took any pictures of the fires while they were there and he asked, “Did I have the camera?” Yes. That’s what I meant when I put it in your ranch bag and said, “I’m packing the camera in your bag. Take some pictures.”)

    So, no pictures of the fires to show but let’s believe they were impressive because Caroline came home and announced her new favorite ranch activity is “BURNING THINGS”. Bless her little pyromaniac heart.

    Meanwhile, I spent a large chunk of my free Saturday afternoon watching a remake of Ice Castles. I would like to mock it endlessly and talk about how you know you’re watching quality programming when the commercials are infomercials for a knock-off of Kate Middleton’s sapphire engagement ring for only $19.95, but since I cried at the end of it I feel that I’ve lost my right to act like I’m too good for a remake of one of the schmalziest movies of all time.

    Saturday night we ate dinner with some friends and Caroline’s friend, Sadie, came home to spend the night with us and ended up spending most of the day on Sunday with us. I took the girls up to the ballpark to watch Gulley’s oldest, Jackson, play in his first baseball game of the season. He got a base hit on his first at-bat and Gulley got teary and then I got teary watching Gulley get teary. I realize it’s not as emotional as skating in the nationals after a career-ending injury while Robbie Benson looks on and “Through The Eyes of Love” plays in the background, but still, it was a big moment for him. We were so proud.

    Then after that Caroline decided to go to choir practice with Sadie. I thought this might give her a chance to see if she enjoys singing, but she came home and announced that choir is boring because all they do is sing.

    So that’s probably the end of that.

    And this should probably be the end of this post. If you didn’t make it to the end or can’t remember anything I said, don’t feel bad. I seem to have that effect on people. Especially people I’ve been married to for 13 1/2 years.