Author: Big Mama

  • Love never fails

    Oh if you only knew the irony of the post I’m about to write. It’s thick. Especially since I tend to stick to writing about reality television and other meaningless nonsense. Like my love for bright yellow jackets on sale for $23.99. I just tend to write about the funny, lighthearted things because I am generally a funny, lighthearted person.

    But then I spent a large portion of the day reading various things like books and articles and blog posts because P and Caroline went down to the ranch to set some things on fire. And somewhere in the course of the afternoon, I felt a different kind of fire start in me.

    (My deepest apologies to those who just stumbled here in search of a cute jacket.)

    I am sick and tired of watching Christians eat their own. And what I mean by that is all the attacking and the back-biting and the endless arguments over what Jesus said and how he said it and who is right and who is wrong. I will never claim to be a great theologian, largely because I am not a great theologian, but I believe in a God who loves mercy and grace. I believe in a God that tells us that without love we are just clanging cymbals.

    And I believe when we spend so much time dissecting the Word of God merely to argue with others over who is the most right, it makes God sad. I think it makes Him shake His holy head and wonder how we are missing the entire point of Christianity while we eat lunch and go to work and shop the sales at Gap with people all around us who don’t know Him. But instead of showing them who He is, they see us fight and argue and judge each other instead of extending grace and understanding and mercy.

    Don’t get me wrong, I believe we are called to examine God’s word and to know it. We are called to be able to give an answer for what we believe and why we believe it. But when we use that knowledge to belittle others or condemn them? OH NO MA’AM.

    “For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins.” 2 Peter 1:5-9

    I think Satan (oh yes, I just dropped in a Satan like I’m the church lady) loves when we get so distracted by all these small debates that cause us to become so inwardly focused that we forget about the world around us that is hurting, hopeless and lost. A world that is desperate for something that looks different. Something that offers a hope and a future that’s different from the wreckage of the past and present.

    I have lived a large chunk of my thirty-nine years in rebellion against God. I’ve ignored His word, run from His love, and tried my best to screw up my life with a lot of wrong decisions. I’ve also spent many years devoted to Him to the point of becoming legalistic and judgmental and losing the joy of my salvation because I’ve been so worried about the rules. I’ve looked at a lot of specks in other people’s eyes while ignoring the big old plank in my own.

    But somewhere over the last several years, I’ve begun to realize that my small mind can’t comprehend the love and mercy of God. He is not a one size fits all Creator. He is the God of the Universe and He has made us all uniquely different and equipped each of us with gifts and abilities to fulfill plans He has for us. Why would we assume that our walks with Him or even our understanding of Him would look the same? As it says in Isaiah 40:13 “Who has understood the mind of the Lord, or instructed him as his counselor?”

    My walk with Christ is as uniquely mine as my personality. I’ve spent a lot of time believing I should be more like this Bible teacher or more emotional like this person or hear from God in a certain way or adopt a child from Africa or sell all my earthly possessions, but He’s made me to be me. And He’s made you to be you. If God was only after one type of relationship with one type of person, it probably would have been a whole lot easier for Him to just create one person and be done with it. I speak from experience. I only have one child and it’s easy to know her because she’s the only one I have.

    But I know from watching my friends with multiple children that they have unique relationships with each of those kids based on their personalities and their gifts. They talk to their kids differently and show them how they love them in ways that speak to that child.

    I believe God is the same way.

    And I believe it’s ignorant when we start to think that our understanding of Him is the only way and there’s no room for growth. I don’t believe any of us will get to heaven and receive a trophy or a plaque with “YOU WERE THE MOST RIGHT” engraved on it. Throughout my life, He has been my Redeemer, Protector, Provision, Salvation, Lover, and Friend. He has caused conviction where I am in the wrong and He has loved me lavishly and extravagantly where I am just His child in need of grace and mercy.

    I am not a Biblical scholar. I can’t tell you all the Greek and Hebrew translations in the Bible. In fact, I just bought a fancy Bible a few weeks ago with the Greek and Hebrew translations and I’m sure it will be great as soon as I learn how to use the dadgum thing. I’ll keep you posted.

    But here’s what I do know. I do not want to serve a God who fits into my limited understanding. I don’t want to serve a God who can be completely explained in the human realm. I want a God that is so much bigger than me that I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to know Him more, love Him more, and serve Him better.

    I believe in a God that removes my sins as far as the east is from the west because that’s a distance my mind can’t comprehend. I’m doing Beth Moore’s study of Revelation and she talks about when John has his vision and sees the throne room of God. He describes so many incredible, unbelievable things, but he never describes God. Most likely because God defies description.

    To me, that’s the God who is worth my devotion. That’s a God I want to share with a lost world instead of reducing him to what my limited human perspective can understand.

    It makes me think of a passage I read to Caroline last night in Prince Caspian by C.S. Lewis where Lucy sees Aslan after a long time apart and exclaims, “Aslan! You’re bigger.”

    “That is because you are older, little one, ” answered he.

    “Not because you are?”

    “I am not. But every year you grow you will find me bigger.”

    I pray that every year I grow I will find Him bigger.

    “If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.” I Corinthians 13: 1-3

  • Fashion Friday: Edition it’s time for spring trends

    I’m still not entirely sure where the time has gone since January. Honestly, how is it March? How are we just one week away from Spring Break? More importantly, what did I do during January and February?

    But since my desk calendar and my iPhone have provided indisputable evidence that it’s March, I realized it was probably time to talk about trends for spring and summer. Even though I know it’s still -3 degrees where some of you live. This will just give you something to look forward to. I promise the sun will shine again one day.

    So, I’ll highlight five trends this week and five next week. Or maybe a few less next week depending on how many trends I dig up.

    1. bright colors

    What says spring like bright colors? I mean besides the pollen, the allergies, the constant sneezing and the soccer games at the crack of dawn on Saturday mornings?

    This is the number one item I’d like to add to my selection of bright colors. And trust me when I tell you that I could use a few bright colors to lighten up all the gray and dark gray and black that currently reside in my closet.

    That yellow-so-cute coat is on sale for only $23.99 right now. TWENTY-THREE DOLLARS. That’s insane.

    But maybe that coat isn’t for you. Maybe you have a heart of stone that can resist an adorable yellow coat for only $23.99. If so, I’ll suggest something like this central park west sleeveless dress or this bobbie tunic in magenta.

    Or maybe you might like this glanz dress from Anthropologie which is the clothing equivalent of floating in a beautiful pool.

    I also love this drawing parallels skirt in green.

    Oh, and I DIE for this ruffle knit maxi in coral.

    And Old Navy has these great gauze flutter-sleeve tops in lemon or fuschia that would be the perfect thing to throw on all summer long.

    2. stripes

    Stripes are everywhere. And they come in every size, shape and color.

    Personally, I have fallen in love with the kingston road dress from Anthropologie.

    Stop. It’s too much.

    But there are so many other versions of the stripes to be had. Like maybe this mixed rugby stripe tunic or this rosette striped slub top.

    Or maybe you only weigh 98 pounds and could get away with this striped cassidy maxi dress.

    I love this striped boyfriend tee. It would be the perfect thing to throw on all summer long.

    And this gondola romance ruffle top is perfection. I saw a similar top at Charming Charlies last week but I can’t link to it because Charming Charlies doesn’t put the majority of their stuff online which is a crying shame.

    I also really like this striped dolman top.

    3. 70’s chic (Please read this as “chick” because it will make me happy.)

    This is my love language. Maybe it’s because I was born in 1971 and spent many years of my childhood wearing bell bottom jeans and patchwork tops and clogs that had to be resoled from all the wear, but this is my favorite genre of clothing. And I don’t even know if clothing has a genre.

    All I know is this makes me want to put on my bell bottoms, flat iron my hair with a part straight down the middle and pull up to the television to watch an hour of Sonny and Cher. Or maybe to ride in my Nanny’s Cadillac while talking on her CB radio and pretending to be in Smokey and The Bandit. Those were good times.

    Naturally, you can’t do 70’s chic without platform sandals like these Sadie by Rocket Dog or Taylor by Kensie Girl platforms. Love them both.

    And the wide leg is back baby. It’s back. And it’s more groovy than ever. I adore these 7 for all Mankind bell bottoms.

    But you can find great jeans anywhere. Check out your local TJ Maxx or Sam’s Club or JC Penneys or even Costco. Did you know Costco sells wedding dresses now? They do. They totally do. Which I think is brilliant except for the fact you might experience your wedding dress moment in between a stack of Hanes sweatshirts and an economy pack of animal crackers.

    And then there are the tops.

    I love this jalisco embroidered knit top.

    And this pintucked gauze top or paloma embroidered smock top.

    This swiss dots and lace blouse holds a special place in my heart.

    And all of them have the added bonus of being flowy and loose shirts that don’t have to be tucked in. Hallelujah.

    I think I actually had a shirt in 1978 that looked like this floral print peasant top. I would probably refrain from wearing it with green denim bell bottoms this time around.

    The other big key to 70’s chic is a maxi skirt like this blu moon almost famous skirt. I can almost hear Kate Hudson singing in the background.

    4. whites

    How much do I love that ya-da white lace top?

    SO. MUCH.

    I would like to take it home and take care of it and never eat spaghetti sauce while wearing it.

    I’d also love to own this joie suri blouse which is eight layers of gorgeous.

    Oh, and this daniel rainn tie-waist blouse is everything I could ever want in a top.

    But then there’s the maddox tunic top and the free people lace tunic. It’s just too much.

    TOO MUCH.

    And if you don’t like any of those white tops, then I have to question your sanity. I’ll also point you in the direction of this eyelet skirt from Old Navy. It is the perfect thing to wear all summer long.

    5. neutral shoes

    I love the neutral shoes because, well, they’re neutral. There is something so comforting about a pair of shoes that can be equal opportunity shoes for everything that’s in your closet.

    I adore these blossoming in style wedges.

    And these pierre dumas sandals are a great flat sandal.

    And if you’re a ballet flat kind of girl, check out these cutout platforms in taupe or these tan ballet flats from Target.

    Honestly, there are a ton of neutral shoes to be found. It’s just all a matter of your taste and your high arches and your ability to walk on a wooden platform for extended periods of time.

    So that’s it for today. Next week I’ll wrap it up with the remaining unspecified number of trends.

    Y’all have a great Friday.

  • In her own words

    A few days ago, Caroline’s teacher gave the kids an assignment to make an acronym using their name.

    Here’s what she came up with.

    C – Can shoot a gun

    A – A good soccer player

    R – Runs fast

    O – Osome girl (I’m pretty sure she meant “awesome girl”. Hooked on phonics works for her.)

    L – Likes choclet ice cream (Once again, I think she meant “chocolate”.)

    I – I like science

    N – Not a party pooper

    E – Every day fun happens at my house

    One thing is for sure, she knows herself.

  • I’d have given her a piece of my mind if I had one to spare

    On Monday morning Caroline had a little bit of a tummy ache. That’s right. I just called it a tummy ache. It sounds so much cuter than gastrointestinal issues. I wasn’t sure if I should send her to school or not, but she insisted she felt fine and didn’t want to stay home.

    Thanks to my indecisiveness we arrived at the school about ten minutes after the tardy bell rang. So I walked her to her classroom and told her teacher that if Caroline complained of a tummy ache she should send her to the nurse and I would come pick her up.

    (As a disclaimer I’m pretty sure I didn’t say “tummy ache” to the teacher because I wanted to appear mature and mom-ish. I used the more sophisticated “stomach ache”.)

    Meanwhile I went back home, changed into my workout clothes and continued my never-ending quest to run three miles without stopping. The truth is I’m still much closer to the couch than the 5K, but the warm weather and the realization that I’ll have to wear a swimsuit out in public in only two months is providing a much needed kick in the running shorts.

    I was at the furthest point from the house when the school nurse called my cell phone to inform me that Caroline was in her office complaining about her stomach. The nurse did not call it a tummy ache. I immediately said I would come get her and the nurse replied, “Well, she said you told her you’d come get her. She may feel fine but just want to come home.” I responded that I would feel better if I came and got her since I knew the tummy ache had been a legitimate issue earlier.

    I huffed and puffed back to the house, drove up to the school, and walked into the nurse’s office expecting to see Caroline lying on one of those green cots. Perhaps with a cold compress on her forehead to make her feel better. I know all about the green cots and cold compresses because I was a wee bit of a hypochondriac/drama queen throughout junior high and high school and spent many hours in various nurses’ offices with maladies ranging from cramps to the flu to my boyfriend broke up with me and I can’t quit crying in English class.

    But Caroline wasn’t in the nurse’s office. She wasn’t lying comfortably on a freshly Cloroxed cot. I walked in to where the nurse was sitting at her desk and said, “Hi. I’m Caroline’s mama. I’m here to pick her up.”

    She looked at me and said, “I sent her back to class.”

    I can’t remember for sure but I think I just stood there with a blank look for a few minutes before I asked, “Why did you send her back to class? Did she want to go back to class?”

    “No. But if you sent her to school with a stomach ache, then I can send her back to class with a stomach ache.”

    I’m sorry. Can you repeat that? Because I couldn’t hear you over the sound of me biting the inside of my bottom lip until it bleeds to keep me from giving you a lecture about tummy aches and seven-year-old girls who are sick and want their mama to come pick them up from school. Seven-year-old girls who have never EVER gone to the nurse and asked to come home.

    Instead I said, “Well, I want to take her home.”

    “You’ll have to go to the front office and have them call her to come in.”

    And so that’s what I did. While I talked myself down from the ledge of righteous indignation and thought about the days of yore when nurses were like sweet, compassionate Cherry Ames R.N. with her dark black hair, rosy cheeks and twinkly eyes.

    (Please tell me I’m not alone in my love of Cherry Ames books. Anyone? Anyone?)

    Caroline came walking down the hall with her little book bag slung across her shoulders and said, “OH MAMA. I KNEW YOU’D COME GET ME. THANK YOU.”

    Then we went to HEB to load up on Gatorade, Sprite and saltines. And then we came home and spent the rest of the day watching movies while intermittently complaining about an upset stomach. Mine started feeling a little queasy as well, but I think that was when we started watching Land Before Time and I have a hard time tolerating dinosaurs that speak in baby talk voices. It’s not natural.

    Not that it’s natural for dinosaurs to speak at all. But still, baby talk seems like a big stretch.

    I’m happy to report that the tummy woes only lasted about twenty-four hours and all is well once again. Caroline went back to school and I went back to doing whatever it is I do around here. Which largely consists of using a lot of Clorox wipes on countertops in an attempt to look productive.

    It’s a tough job, but someone has to do it.

    Kind of like being a school nurse.

  • For lack of creativity, I’m calling this FUN TIMES

    So we had a big weekend o’ fun.

    It all started on Thursday afternoon. I picked Caroline up from school early so she could go to Alamo City Church with me and help the LifeWay event team set up for Priscilla Shirer’s Going Beyond conference. We unpacked boxes of t-shirts and unrolled large marketing posters and spread tablecloths on tables and a million other little things that I had no idea had to be done. Caroline had the best time and believes she has found her calling setting up posters and hauling boxes from one room to another.

    We left there around 4:00 and had to make the final decision about the Bike Rodeo which was happening Friday morning. Caroline said she was too tired to practice and I informed her that if she didn’t practice then she couldn’t participate in the Bike Rodeo, especially since she’d just learned to ride four days earlier. She announced she needed time alone in her room to weigh her options.

    Ultimately, the allure of the Bike Rodeo won.

    It wasn’t a flawless performance but she never gave up and, most importantly, never threw her bike to the ground and cursed the day bicycles were created. It felt like a victory.

    Friday evening I went back to the church to help with the conference and hear Priscilla speak. Y’all will be sad to know that I did not get my own walkie-talkie and headphones this time. Or maybe I was just sad about it and y’all won’t care. They said it was because they’d only brought five of them along and gave them to more crucial team members, but I suspect it might have had something to do with my inability to figure out the difference between the talk button and the listen button. Whatever. It’s not as easy as it looks.

    I worked the merch table. Mainly because I like to talk about selling merch. It makes me feel like Andy Barnard.

    And I got to slip in and listen to Priscilla speak. She taught an amazing lesson on Gideon and the Midianites that will stick with me for a long time. I’m sure I’ll end up writing more about it later but I’m still processing some of it.

    On Saturday morning I had to be back at the church at 6:45. For those of you doing the math at home, that means I had to set my alarm for 5:45. And because I am neurotic and tend to fret endlessly about oversleeping, I got a grand total of 15 minutes of sleep Friday night. Needless to say I left the house early enough to stop at Starbucks for some serious caffeine because you can’t work a merch table and do all that math (buy 2 CDs, get 1 FREE!) in your head when you’re delirious from lack of sleep.

    But I was so excited to meet the cutest group of girls from Waco. Shout out to the Waco gals! Loved meeting y’all so much. I’m so glad the bus didn’t leave you on Friday night.

    Anyway, after the event was over, we grabbed a quick lunch before dropping off most of the team at the airport. My friend, Paige, stayed behind to spend Saturday night so we could have a little more time to hang out. We headed straight to Caroline’s last basketball game of the season. I’m sorry to say that it was not their best performance. I’m even more sorry to say that they played the same team they played last week with the coach that made me want to throw something across the court. They were sad about their loss for all of two minutes until they discovered they were all getting medals.

    Upon receiving her medal, Caroline immediately announced, “I’M THE QUEEN OF THE WORLD” so it would appear the loss had a negligible effect on her self-image.

    After that, Paige, Caroline and I headed to get pedicures because we felt like we needed them after all the selling of the merch and the standing on our feet.

    I chose an OPI color called “You Don’t Know Jacques” and couldn’t be more pleased. It’s kind of a pewter color which is normally not in my color range, but I love it for this time of year. The highlight of the pedicure was when Paige’s male pedicurist (Is that what you call them? I have no idea.) put her flip-flops back on her and then did a Ninja move in celebration of his flip-flop putting on skills. It brought us untold joy.

    (Is this post as boring as it seems from this end? Because I’m kind of struggling. It’s also not helping that P is sitting next to me watching When We Were Soldiers which isn’t necessarily the lighthearted feel-good movie of the year. I may wake up with post traumatic stress syndrome tomorrow morning.)

    Saturday evening, we introduced Paige to the glory that is a cheeseburger from Chris Madrid’s and then we stayed up late visiting in between countless yawns because we were about to fall over from exhaustion. Eventually we gave up the fight and headed to bed.

    We woke up in the morning, went to church, and ate more Mexican food. And then, sadly, the fun had reached its end and we took Paige to the airport.

    And then we went to a birthday party for P’s mom and ate cake.

    And then Caroline wanted to go for a bike ride because she has decided her bike is the best thing EVER and can’t believe we let her go so long without knowing how to ride it.

    Right. Whatever you say.

    And that was the weekend.

    On a totally different note, I just dated this post and how is it already March? My word at how the time flies.

  • Checking in

    Wow. It has been a whirlwind of activity here since Thursday afternoon.

    And now I’m sitting here wondering what Anne Hathaway’s blue dress is made out of and if she is actually able to breathe in it or if she has to go backstage, unzip it, inhale a few quick breaths, and head back out.

    I also have questions about Natalie Portman’s earrings.

    Most of all, I’m questioning why I feel compelled to keep watching when I am this bored.

    And with that, I’m going to bed.

    I’ll be back tomorrow with a full recap of the weekend and who knows what else, but in the meantime I’ll leave you with this picture of Caroline I took last week.

    I realize she’s my daughter and I’m a little partial, but how cute is she in that flower headband?

    Also, do you think the leaves on that tree will ever be green again?

    See y’all tomorrow.