Author: Big Mama

I don’t even know what to say. I have just watched four hours of television.

Four hours.

(Although technically it was more like three hours after we fast-forwarded through all the commercials)

I realized last week that I was going to have some serious conflicts of interest in the television department between the two hour season finale of Chuck and the two hour series finale of 24. And that’s before I realized that it was also the same night as the season premiere of The Bachelorette.

(I know I said I’d never watch it again but let’s not even pretend like I meant it. I am powerless to resist The Bachelor franchise in all its forms)

The problem is (and I realize this ranks at the top of a first world problem list) that all the shows were on at the same time and our DVR can only record two shows. We are living like a bunch of savages.

So I’ve had to remind myself that it’s a viewing marathon, not a sprint. I’m going to have to watch The Bachelorette online later today because Chuck and 24 won out last night. Mainly because they both feature various weaponry which means that P and I watch them together. And now I’m so keyed up from all the suspense that I may not sleep for days.

But I have a few thoughts on both shows.

We’ll start with Chuck.

1. I adored every minute of the finale even though it stressed me out.

2. I could watch The Jeffster’s Blaze of Glory video about 106 more times.

3. Dude, they blew up the Buy More.

And 24.

1. Oh my word. Is there anyone ever who has had eight worse days in his life than Jack Bauer?

2. I’m so concerned that no one ever found the body of that parole officer from Arkansas.

3. I loved how terrified Charles Logan was of Jack Bauer. I mean, it’s not like he hasn’t faced danger before considering his wife stabbed him with a kiwi knife in Season 4.

4. I wish I were as tough as Jack. (He bit off someone’s ear. That’s hardcore) I also wish we wore the same size jeans because if his waist is bigger than 23 inches I’ll eat my hat.

5. I thought Dalia Hassan’s eye makeup was beautiful, but I suspect that really wasn’t mean to be a pivotal plot point.

So what about you? Did you watch Chuck? Or 24? Or The Bachelorette?

I can’t even think about the fact that I have Tori and Dean waiting for me on the DVR and the American Idol finale is on tonight. It’s like the feast before the summer television famine, an embarrassment of television riches.

I’m sure you’ve all been on pins and needles this weekend wanting to know how the hair invention turned out. I’ll be honest, it was a little bit poufy but she had some seriously good waves going on. However, she decided she wanted to pull the whole thing back in a ponytail and I didn’t argue with her because, frankly, who has the strength?

It didn’t help that we’d spent every night last week studying for her spelling test which included the words “to”, “too”, and “two”, along with “they’re”, “their”, and “there”. It’s a wonder that I lived to tell about it. “They’re”, “their” and “there” almost ushered me straight to the seventh circle of hell. Especially because it’s not easy to teach a child who thinks she knows everything, yet continues to write “They’re books were over their.”

At one point I tried to explain that “there” is a place like “here” is a place and the word “here” is in the word “there”. And I think I confused even myself. This is why I don’t homeschool. Well, that and the fact that most colleges require a knowledge of math beyond basic addition and subtraction. Oh, and my heartfelt desire to never have to experience the periodic table of elements ever again even though it’s been so useful throughout my adult life.

Finally, I told Caroline to write the words in a sentence. She looked at me and said, “You mean like, WHY DON’T YOU GO OVER THERE AND LEAVE ME ALONE AND BLAH, BLAH, BLAH?” As soon as it came out of her mouth, she realized what she’d just done and was quick to let me know that she wasn’t referring to me, she was just using the word in a sentence.

I think it’s safe to say that we were both frustrated. The good news is that she ended up getting all her words right and was rewarded with a new pack of Silly Bands and thank goodness for that because now she has enough to wear them the length of her entire forearm.

After school on Friday we had our last Brownie meeting followed by our last soccer game. I’ve never been a big fan of Brownies (even when I was one back in 1978) but didn’t want to deprive Caroline of the whole Brownie experience because she might be more social than her mother and want to be a part of a big group that has an honor code and wears matching brown poly-blend vests and causes family members to gain ten extra pounds in the month of February due to buying Girl Scout cookies in bulk. But on the way to the meeting on Friday, I asked if she wanted to do Brownies again next year and she replied, “There has got to be something more fun to do than Brownies.”

Amen, sister. You can’t fight DNA.

Which may also explain her stellar use of “blah, blah, blah” and sarcasm.

I am so tired. My personal theory on the tiredness is that P and I have been watching way too many war movies and I’m suffering from some type of television-induced post traumatic stress syndrome. And Monday night’s episode of 24 certainly didn’t help matters.

But before I go crawl into bed, I have a question.

Why did P decide that the best place to dispose of all his unused wire coat hangers was on top of my laundry basket?

Especially when he knows that the only things I hate worse than wire hangers are drivers who don’t properly signal when they’re making a left turn and cheeses that smell really bad?

It’s like he doesn’t know me at all.

______________________________________________________

The winners of the Words That Rhyme With Orange CD giveaway have been posted over here.

And there’s a new Tropicana Rewards post up with a chance to win a $50.00 gift card over here.