Author: Big Mama

Edition 56: Fashion Friday (with a giveaway!)

Do you ever have one of those moments where your child does something that is so frighteningly similar to something you would do that it kind of causes you to shiver at the power of DNA? Maybe it’s the way they put their hands on their hips when they’re talking or the way they laugh too loud at a joke?

Or maybe the way they organize their closet?

Last night before bed, Caroline wanted to show me something in her closet. She had developed some type of wardrobe labeling system that she wanted to share. The good news is that after four years of me saying “The clothes on this side of your closet are for WINTERTIME! and the clothes on this other side are for SUMMERTIME! You cannot wear a sundress when it’s 30 degrees outside”, she finally managed to embrace the basic concept.

The bad news is she labeled it in marker. Not with one of the vast amounts of Crayola washable markers that we have all over the house, but the lone Sharpie permanent marker that I reserve for emergency situations.

Behold, WINTER. She went with the phonetic spelling. And an exclamation point for emphasis.

And, Spring! Or rather “Sring” complete with a little flower illustration.

Thus, our almost 100 year old original cedar closet is forever changed.

And I’ve put the Sharpie marker up on a high shelf.

Now for the questions.

1. Several people have asked: “What are your thoughts on the maxi dress? Can it be worn by just anyone? Are they here to stay?”

Well, all I know is that when I wore mine the other day while hanging out with Jack, Chrissy and Janet at their apartment, I was really comfortable and felt very current. Oh wait, that wasn’t me. That was Mrs. Roper on “Three’s Company”.

Oh it’s just a little 70’s humor.

I actually like the maxi dress even though I don’t own one. I get the concept, but it feels very dramatic to me and I’m not sure where I’d wear it. It may be a little much for a PTO meeting. However, if I found one I really liked, I would definitely buy it. Well, except for the fact that I’m on a bit of a fashion fast and not buying anything these days.

The other thing to remember is that the maxi dress isn’t going to work for everyone. I think you need to be a little tall to pull it off without looking dumpy. You can still get the same kind of look, but with a dress that comes to your knees instead of your ankles. Of course, technically, that would eliminate the “maxi” part of maxi dress and you’d just have a “dress”.

And keep in mind that you can totally wear a fitted t-shirt under these dresses because, if you’re like me, you can’t really leave the house without a little invention known as the brassiere. I gave up on strapless bras a long time ago because I find them to be a concept that has proved to be way too ambitious.

Here are a few cute maxi dresses if you’re ready to give them a try.

2. Megan asks: “We are no longer allowed to wear open-toe shoes at work. We are limited to closed-toe shoes only. My office is in Houston and obviously not run by men, hence the no open-toe shoe policy thing. What are your suggestions for us?”

I guess in this precarious economy it’s not a good call to quit your job over the shoe issue. The folks at the unemployment office may not understand.

But don’t despair. There are still good shoe times to be had. How about something like this? Or these? Or maybe these? These are cute slingbacks with a closed toe and if you really feel daring you could go with something like this.

That’s all the questions for now because I need to go to bed. Caroline and I are taking a little road trip tomorrow and I am in desperate need of some REM sleep.

So, now for the giveaway.

A few weeks ago, Alison emailed me to let me know that she watched the scarf video and mentioned she happens to sell scarves in her online boutique. Well, I immediately emailed her back and begged her to do a giveaway because, oh my word, she has the cutest scarves. It seems fitting to give away a scarf since I’ve mentioned them a time or eight hundred in the last few months.

Here’s how you enter:

1. Go visit the Ali J Boutique and check out all her beautiful scarves.

2. Come back here and leave me a comment about anything you want, but try to mention which scarf you’d really like to win.

3. Please, no duplicate comments because it makes my head feel like it’s going to explode when I have to figure out if there are extraneous comments that need to be deleted.

4. I’ll close comments on Monday, March 30th at noon and announce the winner shortly thereafter.

I’m putting up Mr. Linky if you have a fashion post that you want to link. Also, please make sure you post the link to your specific post and not just your blog. It makes life easier for everyone and by everyone, I mean me.

Y’all have a great Friday!
Insomnia, phobias, and other issues

Yesterday I mentioned that I have a touch of the writer’s block and I think part of the issue is that I am so tired. I think it may be a combination of staying up until 1 a.m. and having a mild case of insomnia. It certainly doesn’t help that I have someone who wants to wake me up at 5 a.m. to tell me they need to go to the bathroom and then I have to remind P that he can go to the bathroom anytime he wants and doesn’t have to tell me.

Part of what’s been keeping me up until 1 a.m. is my obsession with Pathwords. For those of y’all who don’t know what that means, Pathwords is a game on Facebook that’s basically crack for nerds.

About a month ago, I had the highest score among all my Facebook friends and I’ll admit that I struggled with some pride over the whole thing. I had to restrain myself from leaving comments on my high school friends’ walls saying, “Who cares what Jimmy Buffet song most represents your personality? Check out my Pathwords score!”

They may remember me as the girl who couldn’t pass Algebra II without resorting to bribing the teacher with apple fritters and excessive flattery, but I am a genius when it comes to anything involving letters that don’t represent arbitrary math equations And, sure, a guy I know from high school has a laboratory research facility at Harvard that’s named after him, but I bet what everyone will really be talking about at our twenty year reunion this summer will be my Pathwords proficiency.

Then, two weeks ago, a guy who was in my church youth group in high school surpassed my high score and I am obsessed with beating him. (Let me state again that I have NO IDEA where Caroline inherited her competitive nature.) It’s a sickness and I’m planning to quit cold turkey. Tomorrow.

So I’ll admit that I took a nap while Caroline was at school yesterday. At least I say it was a nap. I spent the morning cleaning our bathrooms so it’s entirely possible that I just passed out from the Tilex fumes, but the important thing is I caught up on a little sleep.

When she got home from school we pulled out the paints again and watched the newest episode of Planet Earth which was all about caves and has singlehandedly caused me to develop a huge cave phobia. I googled “phobia of caves” because I wanted to impress y’all with a big word, but all it gave me was “claustrophobia”.

Hey Google, tell me something I don’t know. I’m well aware of my claustrophobic issues because they are all that kept me from hiding in the trunk of my car in an attempt to get some sleep when Caroline was a newborn. I would prefer an exotic word for my new fear of caves.

I also found this helpful piece of advice on a website regarding cave phobia:

If the mention of ‘Caves’ by someone sends chills down your spine then it’s time for you to consult a trained psychotherapist as quickly as possible.

Risky Career Options for People with the Fear of Caves
– Jobs where Caves are involved or anything which resembles or is connected to “Caves”.

Good Career Options for People with this Phobia
– Jobs where Caves are not involved or anything which resembles or is connected to “Caves” is not present.

Seriously, what did we do before the internet?

I guess that means I should tear up this job application for Spelunkers, Inc.

Even though they really wanted me because they heard about my high score on Pathwords.
Pork. It’s the other white meat.

A long time ago, I used to post the occasional recipe. I don’t know why I haven’t written a recipe post in so long but it may have something to do with the fact that I assume y’all know how to heat up Dino Nuggets in the microwave or pick up your phone and order pizza.

But I seem to have inadvertently stumbled upon a case of the writer’s block, so today is your lucky day.

A while back I was on the phone with Sophie and we were talking about various ways to prepare pork products. If I remember correctly, there was a sale on pork chops at HEB ($1.99 a pound!) which led to the conversation.

Because isn’t that what friends do? Talk for hours on the phone about pork recipes, what’s on sale at Walmart, and if Jack Bauer will ultimately meet his demise through exposure to bio-weapons or who shot J.R.?

Oh my word, I have turned into my Mema.

Anyway, I told her that I couldn’t believe I’d never told her about my creamy pork tenderloin recipe because I believe it was singlehandedly responsible for P’s decision to spend the rest of his life with me. Well, that and my awesome collection of Carpenters’ CD’s.

Yesterday I actually remembered to purchase a pork tenderloin from HEB and will now share the recipe with you, complete with very poor photography of the entire process. Except for the steps I forgot to photograph.

Creamy Pork Tenderloin

List of Ingredients (I didn’t take a picture of them. This is starting out well.)

1 pork tenderloin (about 1 pound)
1 egg
1 tbs. water
1/2 tsp. dried rosemary, crushed
1/4 tsp. pepper
1/2 tsp. garlic powder
1 cup Italian-seasoned dry bread crumbs (I buy these because PLEASE)
3 tbs. canola oil
1 pound fresh mushrooms, sliced
2 tbs. butter
1 can cream of chicken soup
1 cup sour cream
1/4 cup chicken broth

Cut the tenderloin into about six to eight pieces.

Use a mallet or hammer or whatever to flatten the pieces to about 3/4 inch thickness. You may notice in this picture that no one has shown up to demolish my countertops and hook me up with some new granite ones.

I don’t think those pieces are 3/4 inch thick but let’s just go with it. I’ve never been into precise measurements. It’s a pork recipe, not rocket science.

Combine egg, water, rosemary, pepper, and garlic powder in a small bowl. Place the bread crumbs in a separate bowl. Dip the pork into egg mixture, then into bread crumbs.

(I didn’t get a picture of any of this because my food photographer is unreliable at best. She may be worse than my maid.)

In a large skillet over medium heat, brown pork in oil for about 5 minutes on each side.

That’s the reflection from the overhead lighting that you see in the skillet. I believe this is why magazines hire food stylists and not some hack who should stick to ordering takeout.

Remove the pork medallions to a 13 x 9 pan. In the same skillet, saute mushrooms in butter until tender.

Add in a cup of sour cream. I like to use “light” sour cream in my fried pork recipes. It keeps it healthy.

Stir in cream of chicken soup. I used cream of mushroom instead because I am a culinary renegade. Also, I didn’t have any cream of chicken soup.

The last step is to add a 1/4 cup chicken broth, which is so simple when you actually have chicken broth available. It’s like I didn’t even look at the recipe before I went to HEB.

(I’ll be honest, I didn’t even look at the recipe before I went to HEB)

But because necessity is the mother of invention, I improvised.

Sure there may have been a stray princess noodle mixed in but that just adds to the complexity of the dish. Plus, guess what Caroline is eating for dinner tonight?

Stir all the ingredients together until the sauce is smooth, then pour over the pork.

Cover the dish with foil and bake in a 325 degree oven for one hour.

Serve with rice and maybe some sort of vegetable to balance out all the various cream products and butter.

I chose salad because the only green vegetable I had on hand was lettuce.

The important thing is that I remembered to buy Sour Patch Kids.

And a large bag of M&M’s.

And some Dreyer’s Chocolate Peanut Butter Cup ice cream.

You know, the essentials.
Becoming one with nature

On Sunday evening I searched through the guide feature on our T.V. to make sure I didn’t miss recording any stellar programming on the DVR over the course of the next week. Sure, some people knit or do papier mache, but my primary hobby is managing the DVR.

And you can laugh if you want, but it is a constant struggle to stay on top of how many episodes of “Olivia” and “Monster Fish” we have recorded, because heaven forbid the DVR gets too full and cuts off the end of the latest “America’s Top Model” marathon, leaving me to always wonder which impossibly skinny model with bad hair won the competition.

My television diligence paid off because the Discovery Channel is re-airing the Planet Earth series all week long. We are fans of Earth here at our house and I knew the minute I saw a Great White Shark leaping out of the water to catch a sea lion in its mouth, I’d found some programming that could keep Caroline entertained for hours.

Sure enough, when she got home from school yesterday she immediately wanted to watch the “Earth movies” and we spent the afternoon painting pictures and watching various living things become part of the food chain. I learned more in two hours than I’ve learned in the last fifteen years and now my head is spinning with the knowledge that a sand dollar is actually a skeleton as opposed to just a dollar made out of sand.

Needless to say, I can’t really form any cohesive paragraphs in light of the fact that my mind has been completely blown by all the wonders of nature.

In fact, while we were watching, Caroline was inspired to paint a duck.

A rainbow.

Some flowers.

And to turn herself into a mountain cat.
Swing batter batter, swing

Just about two years ago, Caroline had her first and, I feel almost certain, her last dance recital. Dance just didn’t hold that much appeal for her as evidenced by the enthusiasm displayed in this picture.

Of course, would you be excited about being dressed up like a three-year-old version of Charo? It will be a wonder if she doesn’t need counseling for that bow.

I think her main issue with dance, other than being dressed up like she was going to be on “Toddlers and Tiaras”, was that there was no winner or loser. She’s been competitive since the day she won the Halloween Costume Contest when she was 14 months old and tasted victory for the first time.

I don’t really know where she gets it from, says the woman who spent the better part of two weeks pinning white feathers on a white Gap onesie to make a homemade duck costume so that we could win a free ice cream at Baskin Robbins.

So, given her competitive streak, I thought it might be time to venture into competitive sports, specifically t-ball because they sell snowcones and sausage wraps at the Little League fields.

Tuesday evening was her first practice. P is helping coach and I decided to go just because I didn’t know any better. Mimi and Bops were also there because Caroline is an only child and usually travels with an entourage.

The practice was basically semi-organized chaos. None of the kids seemed to understand that they were on the same team and so they’d all go running for the ball, tackling each other to get to it first. No matter where the ball was hit, Caroline was there in an instant. She ran and slid and played her little heart out. My dad made sure to let me know she doesn’t get that hustle from me.

And he should know since he spent many a season coaching my various teams while I picked daisies in the outfield in between drawing pictures in the dirt with my cleats.

Our coach is really nice, but just a wee bit too intense and practice ran an HOUR late. It was 7:30 by the time we left the practice field and I was not happy to be heading home at 7:30 with bathtime and dinnertime still looming in the distance. In fact, after our marathon practice, the coach started to give a little pep talk and said, “I know it’s almost dinnertime…” And I said, “OR AFTER”.

That’s right. I’m the mom that heckled the coach, but hell hath no fury like a woman who needs to get some fish sticks in the oven.

P told me it wasn’t a big deal and that I was the only one who didn’t have a good time, which is easy for him to say because he didn’t have to get the fish sticks in the oven the minute we walked through the door and feed them to an excited five-year-old who kept saying, “Oh man, Mama. You get really beat up playing t-ball.”

I tried to explain that she wouldn’t get as beat up if she didn’t tackle everyone for the ball every time, but she just looked at me like she felt sorry for me and my lack of competitive nature so I quit talking.

Saturday was opening day. I got her all dressed in her black uniform and she was a little concerned because “black isn’t really my color”. Then, we headed up to the fields early for team pictures.

Everyone wanted to make the play. They looked like little black ants who just found an abandoned dorito.

The little girl in the pink uniform hit the ball and then attempted to go field the ball she had just hit. Notice Caroline beat her to the punch and then tagged her out, even though no one gets out in t-ball. A fact that caused Caroline no small amount of distress, along with the fact that she doesn’t have a hot pink uniform.

But she does have a hot pink batting helmet. And a hot pink bat. And a hot pink glove.

In the words of Clairee Belcher, “What separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize”. And, also, opposable thumbs that can be used to catch a ball with a hot pink glove.

Here she is running for home plate.

After it was all over, what really mattered wasn’t whether we had won or lost. Except to Caroline that was all that mattered and she had no doubt that her team won even though no one kept score.

And, I’ll be honest, they totally won. They put the smack down on that hot pink team.

I mean that in the nicest way possible.

After the game was over, her team huddled together and decided they needed a team name besides “ICS”. The coach suggested the Panthers and all the kids just stared blankly at him. Then Caroline said, “How about the Pirates?” and everyone cheered.

It was a good day. But has there ever been a bad day when snowcones are involved?

I think not.
Edition 55: Fashion Friday (Spring Trends)

The other day I was getting Caroline dressed for school and she begged me to let her wear her blue flip-flops. I agreed that she could, as long as we packed a pair of tennis shoes in her school bag. Then I brushed her hair into a ponytail and put a hot pink bow in it.

She felt me slip the bow in and said, “I DO NOT want that bow in my hair.”

“Why? It looks so cute!”

“I don’t like it.”

“Well, I’m letting you wear your flip-flops so you need to wear the bow for me.”

“Okay, I’ll wear it, but as soon as I get to school I’m going to put it in my bag and forget this bow ever happened.”

I laughed and realized that statement sums up how I feel about everything I wore from 1985 to 1993. If only there wasn’t so much photographic evidence of all the sins I committed in the name of fashion trends.

But that’s why they’re called “trends”. Just keep in mind that not all trends are meant for everyone.

I wish someone would have told me that back in the 80’s before I wore those lace fingerless gloves and blue eyeliner.

Anyway, according to all my minutes of research, here are ten trends for Spring and Summer. If you don’t like them, don’t shoot the fashion messenger.

TRENDS FOR SPRING AND SUMMER

1. Slouchy pants

Is it just me or does this make you think of the line in “Nacho Libre” when he says that sometimes a man likes to wear stretchy pants when he’s alone in his room? Yeah, just me. After twelve years of marriage to P, I have inherited his tendency to think of life as a series of movie quotes.

This is actually a decent trend because it involves one of my favorite fashion elements, which is comfort. These are essentially pants that fit loose through the hips and can either be full-length or capris. The styles can range from a pair of boyfriend-type jeans like Katie Holmes has been sporting to a loose pair of cargos.

The key is to pair these pants with something more fitted on top. You want the pants to be slouchy, not you.

2. Hot pink

I’ll just be up front and tell you that I also saw mention of “neon” pink, but I’m going to pretend like I didn’t because I’ve done neon once in my life and I’m not doing it again. Although I did love my hot pink and neon green Santa Cruz outfit back in 1986.

I am totally on board with hot pink. It’s a great accent color for almost any outfit because it is bright and happy without a tendency to sometimes be overly dramatic like it’s second cousin, red.

Look for a great hot pink scarf or necklace to add to your wardrobe. Or you could always wear a hot pink tee with jeans and some hot pink patent thong sandals. And if you really want to get on the hot pink train (what the heck is a hot pink train?), you could find a hot pink bag to get you through the summer.

3. The statement necklace

I wore a lot of necklaces in the early 80’s that made a statement. The statement was “This is a lot of twist-a-beads wound together and I’m not sure this faux gold shell clip is going to fasten.” Thankfully, what we’re looking for here is a different kind of statement.

There are so many different types of necklaces that fit this category and you can find them in any price range. I’m a big fan of turquoise pretty much all year round, but I adore it during the spring and summer months.

4. Black and white prints

The good news is, if you’re like me, you already have an assortment of at least ten different black shirts in your closet. Pair those shirts with something white and you’re all set. That’s a little fashion tip I like to call “making do in the midst of a recession”.

However, if you must have something new, there are plenty of cute black and white options to choose from. The great thing is that it’s so versatile and you can accessorize with any color you want.

5. The trench

It’s not just for Inspector Gadget anymore.

According to Tim Gunn, the trench should be a closet staple. I used to be conflicted about this because I didn’t understand why anyone would want a boring tan trench coat in their closet unless they had a side job as a flasher. However, they now come in so many cute styles and colors that I get it. I have embraced the trench.

In fact, I would pledge my undying love to this one, except technically it’s not really a trench.

6. The scarf

You know I love you, but we have beat the scarf thing to death at this point. It’s not that I don’t adore them, but I am sick of talking about them.

For more on scarves, here’s a video on how to wear them and here are a few scarf options.

7. Embellished sandals

There was a time about twenty years ago when I vowed I would never wear sandals again. I have deep insecurities regarding my feet and figured why would I ever wear sandals when I have Keds in every color? Obviously, I had to rethink that whole Keds thing a few years later and, after a lot of therapy, I’ve learned that my feet are okay just the way they are.

All that being said, embellished sandals are a fun way to make an outfit stand out. I particularly like these and these.

8. Ruffles

I love the look of a ruffled shirt with a pair of jeans. Maybe it has something to do with the contrast between the feminine ruffles and the denim or maybe I’m just trying to write something that sounds intelligent and thoughtful.

Whatever the case may be, there are some really cute ruffled shirts and I love this ruffle trim jacket and how cute is this trench with a ruffle hem?

9. Cool colors like turquoise

Oh my word, why didn’t I just post six trends for Spring? This is wearing me out and I need to finish so I can watch “30 Rock” in peace.

Look for accessories and clothing in beautiful blues and greens. It’s the next best thing to being in the pool.

10. Neutrals (beiges, khakis, etc.)

I don’t really know how I feel about neutrals. I’m like Switzerland when it comes to neutrals, which is to say that I’m neutral. Also, the word “neutral” looks really weird when you type it that many times in a row.

This is like that old saying “Beige makes the world go ’round”, except no one has probably ever said that until now because I just made it up. The point is that to balance your hot pinks and cool blues, you must occasionally have some neutral influences.

Think about adding a jacket like this one or some bone-colored wedge sandals to your wardrobe. Or maybe just a nice pair of khaki bermuda shorts that you can wear with anything.

I can’t believe we’re done.

And it only took me the better part of ALL DAY LONG. This whole research thing is exhausting, which is the main reason I prefer to just state my opinion on a subject as opposed to substantiating any facts.

Anyway, hopefully this will help you hit the stores feeling just like a boy scout, and, by that, I mean ALWAYS PREPARED.

Last but not least, make sure you visit the Daily Links page to read about winning an opportunity to attend the She Speaks Conference for free.

I’m putting up Mr. Linky if you have anything to add to the discussion from your blog or feel free to add some thoughts in the comments.