Fashion

Welcome back, Fashion Friday. At least five of us have missed you oh so much.

Earlier in the week when I mentioned all of my various hallucinations, I didn’t mention the one that caused chills to run down my spine. It was too frightening, too horrific. I’m not in the business of writing horror stories, people.

Apparently, I’m in the business of writing nonsensical things about my life.

But, in the interest of sharing and because it is relevant to Fashion Friday, I will share with the group.

In the midst of my fever breaking and being all cracked out on the Tussionex cough syrup, I dreamed (hallucinated? imagined?) that I pulled my very favorite pair of Seven jeans out of the dryer only to discover that they had become faded beyond repair, tapered at the bottom and, worst of all, high-waisted.

In fact, in my vision they appeared very much like the jeans that I am depicted wearing here at church camp the summer before my junior year in high school.

Make no mistake, the fifteen year old me worked very hard with a mixture of Clorox and razor blades to achieve that particular look back in 1987. Because I believed with all my adolescent heart that those jeans made me a little edgy and mysterious in spite of the fact that I wore large bows in my hair on a regular basis.

However, it would be a travesty to have this damage done to my favorite pair of Seven jeans. In 2008.

So, y’all can imagine my relief when I went to my closet the next morning and found my jeans hanging exactly where they should be in their present dark rinse, non-tapered leg, low-rise state. I would be lying if I said I didn’t want to weep with relief.

And, really, none of this relates to Fashion Friday whatsoever. Except for this nugget of truth, Cloroxed Guess jeans aren’t really a timeless classic.

Now, let’s get to the questions.

1. Jen P asks: “Am I missing the boat on jewelry? Because I am all about the COMPLETE LOOK. I want to make sure I am complete, all framed out, no loose ends, sort of thing.”

I related to Jen’s email because she mentioned that she usually sticks with the safe diamond stud earrings and not much else in the way of accessories. This is something I have really wanted to work on in my own fashion world. Unless I’m going somewhere like a party, I tend to stick with earrings and my wedding ring. Which is fine. Boring, but fine.

I just know that when I see someone with great accessories, it makes the outfit. It can be a plain black sweater and jeans, but the right earrings or necklace takes it from ordinary to extraordinary. I think the key is to remember a little goes a long way. Make sure you don’t have too much going on, but ladies, we are seriously missing out if we don’t take advantage of jewelry that looks like this.

Or this.

Or this.

Or this.

Bottom line, jewelry is your friend. Let’s all encourage each other as we work to accessorize more completely in 2008.

2. Lisa asks: “What is the deal with outerwear? More specifically, must it match your outfit?”

Great question. I personally do not think outerwear has to match your outfit. I recommend having one good long coat in a neutral color that you can wear with everything. Then, you can buy various scarves, hats, etc. to change the look around.

I’d look for a winter coat in a classic style, like this one, and best of all, you can probably find one on sale this time of year.

However, I am a big fan of jackets and coats, so while I have a long, camel colored coat that I wear alot, I also have various courdoroy blazers, velvet peacoats, and sweater coats that I wear with various outfits. I think the key to how well these have to coordinate with your outfit is based on whether or not they are truly just outerwear that you plan on shedding once indoors or if you plan to leave them on as part of your overall outfit.

Here are a few great jackets and coats.

I love this peacoat.

Look at this cute jacket from Anthropologie. It could be dressed up or down.

Here’s a twill peacoat from Old Navy.

And, of course, I have always been a loyal fan of the denim jacket. For me, it’s a wardrobe staple.

3. Hunter Dave asks: “It being deer season here in South Texas, I need some advice. I haven’t been camo shopping in almost two years, and so I’m worried I’ll look like an out-of-style reject in the deer blind. But with a baby on the way, I can’t splurge at Cabela’s like I want to. Does camo ever really go out of style? If so, how can I put together a fashionable ensemble without busting my wallet?”

Oh, Hunter Dave, just the fact that you’re asking about camo styles warms my heart. And really, take heart in knowing that most hunters do look like out-of-style rejects. It’s just their way.

According to P’s hunting closet, I can safely say that, apparently, camo never goes out of style. Even though we have several examples of why it should. The best advice I can give you is to forget Cabela’s and their high prices and just go to Walmart like the rest of the rednecks. Just look at what I found on their website.

At $79.98, that is a steal. And it gives whole new meaning to the term “out-of-style reject”.

Or come raid our closet while P’s not home. There’s so much camo in there, he’d never know the difference.

Let’s just say he has camo that’s older than the Cloroxed jeans I’m wearing in the picture above.

And that, my friends, is old.

Happy Friday!

I should know better than to bring up an extremely controversial topic right in the middle of the holidays. After all, the Christmas season has enough landmines already, what with all the relatives coming to visit and ongoing debates over who has custody of crazy Aunt Gertie and her six cats for the holidays.

But, I’m not going to let that deter me. I’m going to open up this can of worms and let it fly. And is there really anything more disgusting than flying worms and a sentence with too many cliches?

Let’s discuss the holiday sweater.

Personally, I am not a fan. People know it’s Christmas and they don’t need to see a reindeer flying across my chest to remind them that there are only four shopping days left. That being said, there was an unfortunate period in the late 80’s where I owned and WORE a sweater that looked very much like this.

Tragic.

I’m sure there were caribou all over the world weeping at being depicted in this knitwear tribute to bad taste.

Now before I get a lot of comments and emails, let me say that I know that some of y’all are probably fans of the holiday sweater and that is great. Good for you and your devotion to festivity. My very dear friend’s mama wears blinking Christmas light earrings and elf shoes throughout the month of December and it works for her. It’s part of her charm.

And I know there are some lovely holiday sweaters out there that have festive snowmen and sequined nutcrackers and jeweled snowflakes. You just won’t see me wearing them. It’s my personal preference to not dress with a theme.

Although there was an unfortunate incident in 1993 where I wore a cheetah-print shirt to the Omaha Zoo. But the Lord has been faithful to bring healing and restoration.

All that being said, I think we can all agree that the following photos of holiday sweaters should serve as a cautionary tale. There isn’t enough spiked eggnog in the world to make these better.

Bows. Teddy Bears. Wreaths. Oh my.

Nothing says bad taste like the Christmas cat.

Surrounded by snowflakes.

Well, except for the Christmas turtle.

Surrounded by snowflakes.

There is nothing that will make you look bigger than life than having a brick wall around your midsection.

I have issues with anything that could cause my front side to look like there is a skier zooming down mountains. Or even small hills.

And last, but certainly not least, the sweater vest. I can’t look at these without remembering the year I attended a Christmas formal with a boy that wore a Christmas-themed sweater vest.

Sometimes I still wake up crying.

What is it about Christmas that makes folks want to break out the teddy bears? What have the teddy bears ever done to us?

This appears to be angels being struck by lightning. I’m not sure what that has to do with Christmas.

Here’s something for you to think about. Why are there no bad Hannukah sweaters? Or Chanukah, depending on your preference. Where are the atrocious Kwanzaa sweaters? I think I smell a holiday conspiracy.

The Christmas sweater has taken on a life of its own. In fact, while I was doing EXTENSIVE research for this post I discovered that fraternities all over America are having themed Ugly Christmas Sweater keg parties.

And I think that’s what makes me the saddest. When I was in college, back in the early 90’s, the irony of the Christmas sweater would have been completely lost on us because many of us were actually wearing the reindeer sweater. Don’t think because the tag said “Ralph Lauren” that makes it any better. You are fooling yourself.

Also, how can I get myself invited to one of these parties? I may have a few sweaters in storage that would be perfect.

Greetings from the place where cough due to cold has taken up residence.

And before I get started, let me say that there will be no pictures with this week’s Fashion Friday. Due to the redesign process, all of the pictures were wonky and askew. I couldn’t look at them without my head wanting to explode.

So this week y’all will have to actually click on the links to know what I’m talking about, instead of having the photos spoonfed to you. I deeply apologize for the inconvenience but, trust me, it’s better this way.

I almost skipped out on the whole Fashion Friday thing because nothing about me is really functioning at full capacity, in spite of the fact that my neighbor brought over some pork tamales from Delicious Tamales last night and was not even aware of my tamale emergency.

It was purely spontaneous.

I’ve always believed, ask and the tamales will be given to you, seek and you will find the tamales. God provided those tamales because He is the giver of all good gifts. And He knows that tofu tamales are an abomination.

As are the faded black yoga pants that I am currently wearing.

And speaking of fashion, let’s get going before my cold medicine kicks in. Once that happens, I cannot be held responsible for anything I may say or advise.

1. Nicole (who emailed in the throes of a fashion emergency) asks: “So, there’s this jacket at Harold’s that I LOVE. However, as you can see, the price tag is a little hefty. And if it doesn’t look that great online, just wait till you see it in person. I am still recovering. Anywho, I thought you and all your fashion knowledge might know of an affordable option for me somewhere.

I feel your fashion pain, Nicole. It’s like earlier this year when I was in serious need of a particular coat from Anthropologie, yet did not purchase it because I believed it was more important to pay our mortgage. However, a month later, I was rewarded by finding a coat with a similar cut at Forever 21. I am all about the affordable option.

Don’t be hatin’ on the bargain rack.

Here is the coat that you found at Harold’s. It retails for One hundred and ninety-eight American dollars.

Here are a few things I found that may be a good alternative. It all depends on what appealed to you most about that jacket. The color? The cut? The design? The way it looks on the model who weighs 84 pounds?

I found this jacket at Target.

And this one.

Here’s the same coat in black with a belted option.

This is a festive option from Forever 21.

Oh, and look at this one with the jeweled detail. Bejeweled is very in this season.

All of these coats retail for less than $100.00 and some as low as $29.99. Hopefully, one of them will solve the coat dilemma and save you from a Christmas holiday season spent weeping and gnashing your teeth at Harold’s.

2. Cattail Mama asks: “The crop pant/Capri pant? Is it acceptable in the winter as long as it is worn with boots? Of course, I’d assume that the boots must be above the hemline of the pants? I don’t get it. I’ve seen some people wearing the crop pant that looks to be a springish sort of material with tall winter boots. Have they just not shopped for the winter wardrobe yet and they’re trying to get all they can out of that pair of spring capris? What do you think?

I think boots with capri pants of any type are just wrong.

Wrong like tofu tamales.

I am hoping that what you have seen are actually a gaucho pant and not a capri pant. Although the word “gaucho” feels a little dated to me.

Maybe it’s because I recall receiving a spiffy gaucho outfit for Christmas one year that consisted of denim gauchos, a shirt that read “JEANS! JEANS! JEANS!” and a matching stretchy belt that tied in the whole ensemble. Do I need to mention that it was 1977?

The seventies were apparently a troubled decade. If you need further proof, let me remind y’all of the Garanimals.

Anyway, I’m not opposed to what I’m going to refer to as the wide-legged cropped pant with boots. I think it can be a really good look. In fact, I have a chocolate brown plaid patterned pair that I wear with tall, brown suede boots and a cream sweater. The trick is that they need to be in a winter-type material.

Nobody’s fooling anybody wearing some pastel floral capris with winter boots.

Here’s a good example that I found at Bloomingdales.

Those could be a great start to a fun holiday ensemble. And look! They’re on sale.

That’s all the questions I am answering today.

It’s hard to maintain any momentum while stopping every 4 1/2 seconds to either sneeze or cough or think about how I’d rather be in bed while visions of pork tamales dance in my head.

Which is actually kind of a disgusting thought.

And a sure sign that the Nyquil has kicked in.

Y’all have a merry Friday!

I didn’t know if Fashion Friday was actually going to happen because last night we attended our very first Wassail Fest. Or, as Caroline called it, Waffle Fest.

And there was really no getting over the disappointment of discovering there was nary a waffle to be found at a Wassail Fest.

Instead, there was lots of wassail.

Hence the name.

Before we went wassailing, we ate dinner with some friends at The Gristmill which makes a chicken fried steak that will make you praise God that cows were invented so that they could be butchered, covered in batter and fried to a crispy goodness smothered in cream gravy.

Of course Caroline couldn’t have cared less about the chicken fried steak. She was much more excited over two things.

Raccoons right below our table eating mass quantities of the tortilla chips she threw their way.

No, they weren’t possessed. I just am a poor photographer.

And a hand dryer right in the bathroom stall that caused her to squeal with delight and jump up and down.

We really need to get out more.

Anyway, after dinner we went a-wassailing which is much easier than going a-waffling. The maple syrup just makes it so messy.

By the end of the evening, Caroline was wassailed out.

So, I debated not doing Fashion Friday, but then I came to my senses and realized that fashion must prevail. Would Anna Wintour push back an issue of Vogue because she spent an evening in small town America drinking questionable wassail?

Oh no she wouldn’t. She would get that issue of Vogue on the shelves, all the while wondering what the heck happened to her life that she ended up drinking wassail made by people who work at the Bodacious Hair Salon.

If Anna can do it, so can I.

1. Nicole asks: “Do you think it is still trendy to wear the monochromatic sweat suit look? You know, the black velour pants w/matching black hoodie? Or is it more appropriate to wear, say, brown cottony pants with a white hoodie? ”

Nicole, you don’t know how much I have debated this question in my mind. I think my issue with the velour jogging suit goes back to J. Lo and her days as Jenny from the block when she was constantly photographed in a hot pink velour jogging suit.

I mean say what you want about J. Lo, but the girl singlehandedly brought back a trend that had died a swift death sometime around 1978.

I guess my point is I don’t know if the matching velour set is the trendiest item around, however, I think it is still in style. The trick is the color selection. In my opinion, chocolate brown is the hottest color right now for a matching jogging suit. And if you’re looking for a good one, Old Navy has their velour hoodies and pants on sale for $12.50 right now.

The other key to this item is the cut and fit. The pants should not be too snug and, for all that is decent, watch the visible panty lines that go hand in hand with velour pants. Also, the jacket should be fairly fitted and not hang down, otherwise it just looks sloppy and like you’re trying to hide something.

I also like the look of mixing and matching your velour pieces. In fact, just yesterday I had on some maroon colored velour jogging pants with a charcoal gray tee and my denim jacket. This is what I like to call my sweatsuit alternative a la Tim Gunn.

And one last tip, while wearing the jogging suit you may want to refrain from singing, “don’t be fooled by the rocks that I got, I’m still, I’m still Jenny from the block…” because that would just be sad.

2. Sheila asks: “So this is more of a beauty question but what the heck. I’m looking for a good red lipstick. I have a red Christmas sweater that is a true red, not a brick red, maybe it could be called apple red? I don’t have anything in my collection. I don’t want to spend more than $10 so no Lancome or Estee Lauder.”

Maybe it’s because I spent two years wearing braces and didn’t really care to accentuate my mouth, but it has been forever since I’ve worn a red lipstick. I think red lipstick is a tricky proposition because if it’s too bright it can cause you to look like a bad imitation of Joan Crawford.

And that would just be unfortunate.

I ordered some plumping lip glaze by ELF cosmetics and have really enjoyed it. It comes in a color called Ruby Kiss that may be just what you are looking for. The best part? It’s $1.00. So if it causes you to look cheap, at least it was cheap.

Another idea is to look for a lipliner in the right shade of red. You can use it to LIGHTLY outline your lips and fill them in, then add a coat of clear gloss over it to give your lips a more subtle, natural shade of red.

Two last tips, if you are going with a strong lip, remember to go softer on the eyes. You don’t want to look harsh and overdone. Also, you may want to check out your skin tone to see if a warmer red (orange undertones) or a cooler red (blue undertones) will look best with your complexion.

3. Amazing Racer asks: “I have a most important Fashion Friday question. Is this sweater the ugliest thing you’ve ever seen, or could I be misconstruing it as you did Nena Marcus’ fashion jackpot?”

You are not misconstruing this sweater.

While it is not necessarily the ugliest thing I have ever seen, the reindeer have the terrible misfortune of being placed in an extremely awkward location that make them appear to be climbing mountains.

Which causes me to hear “Climb Every Mountain” by Julie Andrews in my head. And I’m pretty sure that’s not what Ralph Lauren was going for when he designed this sweater.

Maybe he’d had too much wassail.

Or too many waffles.

Y’all have a great Friday!

I did more laundry yesterday than I have ever done at one time in my life. I finally looked at the massive piles of brights, whites, sheets and towels and realized the time had come to let go of my denial. I looked at those piles and declared, “You are my Everest”.

I don’t know how the dirty clothes got so piled up, but it’s just another sign that I’ve been off my A game this week. Not that my A game is all that great. It’s probably closer to other people’s B game.

I’ve just had a lot on my mind, what with hearing that Mary and Byron, one of two happy couples from The Bachelor, had a little domestic squabble over the weekend. I’m sure their relationship tensions weren’t helped by Chris Harrison getting all in their business about when they were actually going to get married. That kind of conversation is always so enjoyable in any dating relationship.

Especially when the people in the relationship are 85 years old and time, she is a-wastin’.

I’ve just been so disillusioned by it all. I mean if you can’t find lasting, true love on a six week reality show that involves fantasy dates to the circus, what hope do the rest of us have?

Not to mention that I’ve been worried about Britney Spears and her alleged new pregnancy. Oh Brit. It would appear they didn’t teach proper birth control methods in the Mickey Mouse Club.

In spite of all these distractions, I did manage to actually make HOMEMADE Rice Krispie Treats for Caroline to take for snack at school. Not only were they HOMEMADE, but I made one version with peanut butter and one version with the traditional jet-puffed marshmallows. I was so proud of myself as I packed them in the snack basket.

And since I was being so domestic, I looked to see if I might have any cute napkins to send with them. I found some old giraffe napkins leftover from Caroline’s second birthday, but I only had eight of them. Then I spied some hot pink ones at the back of my drawer and thought they would be perfect until I realized they had a picture of a woman saying, “Once again, he’s 30 minutes late. I have half a mind to go home to my sick husband”.

Probably not appropriate humor for the preschool set and their HOMEMADE Rice Krispie Treats.

Anyway, yesterday I conquered the laundry. Today, I will conquer Fashion Friday. Although I am slightly intimidated knowing that Nena (Nena Marcus as some of y’all named her in the comments) is more fashion forward than I’ll ever be.

I never would have bought that jacket. Not even for $5.00.

I have shamed myself.

On to the questions.

1. Marcie asks: “I need to know how to buy a good white button up shirt. The dilema? B**bs. Medium size shirts fit in the torso, and pull across the chest, large sizes fit in the bust and hang at the torso.”

I feel your pain. And I’m not just saying that in a Bill Clinton way.

I have wrestled with button up shirts for many, many years. There is nothing more frustrating than trying on a button up and realizing that I am, yet again, in between sizes.

However, Banana Republic has heard our cry. They are now offering button up shirts in a tailored cut for larger bust sizes.

Here is an example.

I have tried these shirts on and they are everything you would hope them to be. Now, if they just came with some sort of Scotchguard built in for easy stain removal, I’d go buy myself a crisp, white button up shirt.

A girl can dream.

Which may explain why Mary from The Bachelor stayed with Byron for so long.

2. Anna asks: “I live in Hawaii, where it never gets cold, but I still want to look cute and fall-ish. Somedays are cool, like rainy days, and I can wear thin long-sleeved shirts, but for other times, what do I do?”

Have I mentioned I live in South Texas and there are days in January where the temperatures are in the 80’s. That’s just sick and wrong. However, you are hitting me where I live with this question. I am always searching for something that’s seasonal yet won’t leave me writhing in misery as I suffer from heatstroke by mid-afternoon.

You can always go with the button up mentioned in the first question. Maybe look for one in a fall color.

And here are some other cute options.

This shirt from Banana Republic comes in some great fall colors and looks really good with some dark-rinse jeans.

Or this from Old Navy.

You could dress it up with some nice pants or just wear it with denim. Either way, it’s fab.

And here is another great shirt in a fall color from Old Navy.

These shirts almost make me glad that there are days in February where it’s 97 degrees outside. ALMOST.

3. Quirky asks: “I have a question about belts. I can never figure out when to wear big chunky belt, and when to wear a little skinny belt. And what about scarf belts, or decorative chain-type belts? In or out? Is there any rule of thumb that you can bestow on us fashion-challenged so that I can pick a belt with confidence?”

Quirky you have asked a question that deals with my fashion arch-nemesis, the belt. For many a year I wore my Brighton belts with great pride and then, one day, the belt became passe. Belts were out.

And y’all know what? I found I didn’t miss them. AT ALL.

Oh, but now some moron has decided to bring back the belt. Why don’t they just go ahead and bring back velour? Oh wait, they did.

As much as I would love to give y’all some catchy phrase such as “When it doubt, leave it out”, I have no rule of thumb because I find this to be a tricky accessory. The last time I wore belts it was about tucking in your shirt and wearing a belt in the belt loops of jeans that hit at your true waist.

Which was really just an unfortunate look.

Today’s belts look like this.

And this.

They are both very reminiscent of medieval torture devices.

The only belt I ever wear these days is an old western-style belt that belonged to P’s daddy. When he was a teenager. I’m not sure y’all want belt fashion advice from someone who wears a 50 year old belt.

4. Dcrmom asks: “Little Black Dress. Holiday company party. Not sure yet about the shoes. Nude hose or black hose?”

I’d have to go with sheer nude hose with black shoes. I think black hose are like black jeans. When you see someone wearing them you never know if they are incredibly fashion forward or if they haven’t updated their wardrobe since Joan Collins and Linda Evans were on primetime television.

Speaking of primetime television, I’m going to wrap this up. After all, my DVRed showing of Project Runway won’t wait forever.

And, apparently, neither will Mary from The Bachelor.

Y’all have a great weekend.