Fashion

I’ll go ahead and level with y’all. This week has wiped me out.

Between a head cold and trying to keep up with all my DVRed shows…a girl only has so many hours in the day.

Oh, and I also had to bathe and feed my child. And P is kind of funny about wanting food to eat.

They wear me out.

In spite of my certain pneumonia, I’m forging ahead with Fashion Friday because there are questions that must be answered.

Questions that have kept me up at night. Much like my 4 year old.

And a skunk that is living under our backhouse and is very afraid of our dogs.

Do y’all want to know what irony is? The fact that I wrote all of the above just moments before I heard the retching sound coming from the baby monitor.

I just thought I had reached my limit.

What a sweet kid.

Enough of my tale of woe. Let’s get to the questions.

1. Elizabeth asks: “What kind of TJ Maxx has designer jeans?”

A good one.

I had long heard rumors that TJ Maxx sold designer jeans, but had never actually seen them for myself. I imagined it was a figment of people’s imagination, much like the sasquatch or a child that eats brussel sprouts.

Or anyone who eats brussel sprouts, for that matter.

Then one day I spied a section of my local TJ Maxx called “From the Runway”. It’s set apart from the rest of the store as if to quarantine the fine designer merchandise from the irregular sweaters from The Limited.

Look closely, it may be there in your store and you’ve just missed it.

2. Candace asks: “Is walking in heels something that can you can learn to do- or is it something you either have or don’t have the ability to do. I want to walk heel-toe, but with heels that high it’s hard. Should I buy them and practice around the house? Here’s my question- did you have to practice to learn to walk in high heels?”

I think walking in high heels is like any valuable skill. It takes some practice, especially if you’ve spent years walking in flat shoes.

So yes, practice around the house and equip yourself with perseverance and band-aids for the inevitable blisters. That’s my recommendation.

Bottom line, heels are your friend. Get to know them.

3. Jess asks: “Would you mind answering a hair question? I have shoulder length blonde hair – layers, typical. I’m constantly wearing my hair pulled back because I’m in a rush to get the kids to school. I’m thinking about either cutting in some bangs to just give my face a little softness when I do pull it back OR thinking about getting a short trendy cut which might be faster to do in the morning. Any thoughts?”

I realize this isn’t a fashion question, but hair is really one of our most important accessories.

I had an unfortunate incident with bangs earlier in the year, so bangs are dead to me right now. I know they work for some people, but those must be people who don’t have cowlicks in the middle of their forehead.

I’ve also noticed that more people stumble upon the blog by searching “Reese Witherspoon Bangs”, which tells me there are some women out there looking for hair answers.

Ladies, do not be fooled by Reese Witherspoon and her cute hair. I have decided her bangs have supernatural powers that most of us do not possess.

I’m a fan of the ponytail, but if you decide to get it cut short the best advice I can give you is to make sure it’s a time of the month where no hormonal surges are involved.

PMS + haircut = NOT YOUR FRIEND.

4. Leslie asks: “Fashion question for you. I am in need of cute fall tops to wear with jeans. I am in Houston so they need to be short sleeved. I also don’t want to look like I think I’m still in my twenties, nor do I want to spend more than $30ish each because I know by this time next year I’ll want something else. Any suggestions?”

Oh, do I understand this dilemma. You have the desire for fall type things in your wardrobe, but lack the fall-like weather.

I think the key is to find some cute, short-sleeved shirts in fall colors or patterns. Here are a few I found.

This one is from Old Navy and it’s on sale for $20.00.

Here’s another one from Old Navy.

Here’s one from Banana Republic. It’s a little pricier, but oh so cute.

Plus, it comes in green. Which I love.

And here’s some animal print goodness from Nordstroms.

Target is another great place to look for inexpensive fall shirts. I would love to link to some of them, but I just don’t want to right now.

Did I mention I got about 25 minutes of sleep last night?

5. Jen asks: “What are your thoughts on shoes moving into fall? I wear sandals all summer, and I’m a Texas girl, too, so it’s still hot in the afternoons. Is it OK to wear shoes that expose my toes, or should I cover them up?

As much as I love my boots, I can promise y’all I’m not wrapping my feet in socks until the temperature drops below 80 degrees.

It’s just not right.

Open-toe shoes are your friend, southern girls. Let them walk you through these times of intense heat.

6. Jodie asks: “Is it just wrong to wear a jacket that is too small to close??”

Yes. It is just wrong.

7. Several of y’all asked: “What is a pashmina?”

This is an example of a pashmina.

Basically, it’s a fancy word for a wrap. Or a shawl.

Because it sounds much better to say, “Let me grab my pashmina” than “Honey, will you get grandma’s shawl?”

It’s all in the way you phrase things.

So, that’s it for this week. I’m going to go crawl into the fetal position and attempt to recover from my night o’ stomach bug trauma.

Oh, and catch up on all the treasure recorded on my DVR.

Y’all have a great weekend!

Is there really anything better than hearing a sports commentator talk about another team “building a woodshed” for your beloved football team?

Joy.

Thankfully, I have fashion to get me through.

Fashion and chocolate.

So, welcome to the first Fighting Fashion Faux Pas Friday here at Big Mama. Thank goodness that in times like these, I can turn to a good pair of jeans for comfort.

Enough of my woe. Let’s get to the questions.

And after it’s all over, feel free to send some more questions my way. I can churn out this kind of advice based purely on my opinion all day long.

1. DCRMom asks: What is your opinion about wearing dark tops with dark denim? Do I need to invest in some khakis and cords? Is lighter denim too dated? I’d love to hear what others think too.

Well, I think there are variations in the darkness of denim. But really, I think dark tops with dark denim are perfectly acceptable.

All that darkness is slimming.

Because otherwise this size 00 model would totally look like a cow. She’s just creating an illusion with that dark top and dark denim.

And it helps that she just eats one piece of lettuce every other day.

That being said, you really don’t want to pair a dark top with a really light denim. It will cause the focus to be on your bottom half. Of course, maybe you don’t mind the focus being on your bottom half.

However, I do. I prefer to draw the eye up.

Up.

Way up.

I think really faded denim is dated. And I’m hoping I don’t even need to mention the words “acid washed”. However, I think you can go with a little bit lighter denim without being out of style. I like a good vintage wash if it’s done right.

As for the khakis and cords, I like both of these options. The only word of caution is go for a modern style. You certainly don’t want any sort of elastic waistband or a waistband that covers your belly button.

Of course, that’s pretty much a rule of life and not just for khakis and cords.

I bought these on sale at Old Navy this week. They’re really cute and come in a variety of colors.

2. Kelly asks: I’d love to see you address maternity clothes. Even in the four years since I was last pregnant, there are so many more cute options. Whadda say?

I say thinking about maternity clothes makes me want to curl up in a ball.

One of my friends just found out she’s pregnant and I told her that, other than the part about having a baby, I was so envious of her pregnancy because fashion-wise there has never been a better time to be pregnant. Everything looks like maternity wear anyway.

The best part is due to all the loose fitting tunics, and sweaters, and what-have-you, you can put off wearing actual maternity clothes for awhile. Which is a total score. I have a theory that maternity designers think mothers-to-be are so fried that they don’t care that they’re wearing polyester.

And if there is ever a time you need fabric that breathes, it’s when you’re serving as an incubator.

Here’s my best piece of maternity clothes advice. Find yourself a great pair of maternity jeans. Seriously. They will save your life. I wore mine until I ripped them down the side seam.

Which was a proud moment and didn’t cause me to have any type of hormonal breakdown whatsoever.

Here are some from Mimi Maternity.

Here’s some classic boot cut maternity jeans from Gap. They’re even on sale.

(By the way, my computer almost crashed uploading those Gap jeans. And as God is my witness, if Gap had made my computer crash, causing me to lose this post, I would have never stepped foot in their store again. We are already on very shaky ground.)

I know some women say they never feel more beautiful than when they are/were pregnant, but I am not one of those women. Just remember, great accessories can be your pregnancy friend. They are one size fits all and will bring you much joy even after the baby is born.

In contrast, you will want to burn every piece of maternity clothing in your closet.

3. Emily asks: What are your thoughts about flats?

I like flats. I do. I saw some darling giraffe print flats the other day at Target the other day and nearly bought them.

But I already have leopard print flats and felt like one person only needs so much Wild Kingdom on their feet.

I get that they are practical, but I think everyone looks better in some sort of heel. And, trust me, I don’t wear heels all the time. I wear my flats on a regular basis but, no matter how cute they are, they just aren’t as flattering as a heel.

So, here’s the bottom line on flats. Stay away from anything that is too reminiscent of the Connie flats we all wore in high school. If the “leather” appears to be synthetic and it’s all one color with no texture or some sort of decorative detail, you need to move on down the aisle. Do not look back or you may turn into a pillar of unfashionable salt.

To look current, flats should have some sort of design or pattern. Animal prints are very in right now and Target has these flats which I think could just be precious with the right outfit.

But they still won’t look as cute as a good wedge heel. In my opinion.

Like these from J.Crew. Notice there is a significant price point difference. But aren’t they pretty?

4. Jen asks: What type of shoe do you wear with your velour yogo pant/jean jacket combo?

I just wear my tennis shoes. I’ll wear my Nike running shoes if I’m feeling ultra casual and semi-athletic and I’ll wear my fashion tennis shoe if I’m going for a little more polished look.

And to reference the previous question, I think a cute, patterned flat could look cute.

However, if it’s cool enough outside for me to have on velour yoga pants, I like to have on socks. I have circulation issues. If someone felt my feet, they would think I’d been dead for at least 3 days.

5. Elizabeth asks: What are your thoughts on scarfs, pashminas, and wraps? Especially in the south.

Right now my thought is how can I even think about those things when the temperature outside today was still about 118 degrees. Just reading the word “scarf” makes me start to itch and feel angry.

But, eventually, the weather will cool off and when that happens I am a big fan of wraps, pashminas and scarves. I have a darling Burberry happy scarf that makes a black turtleneck and jeans turn into a great outfit. It’s one of my favorite accessories EVER.

I also have several long scarves that I like to wear with other outfits. I think they are a great finishing touch to an outfit.

Like this one from Nordstroms.

As for pashminas, they are the perfect thing to wear over a dress on a cool evening. I have a black one that gets worn to pretty much every winter wedding I attend.

Which is about one a year.

But still, it’s a great thing to have.

As a bonus this week, here are a few great items I found that y’all may want to check out. I can’t guarantee this kind of information every week, but I shopped ALOT this week and found a couple of good things.

Remember my quest for the denim skirt? I found this at Old Navy for $12.99. It’s not perfect, but for $12.99 it works.

I mentioned this in my favorites, but here it is again in case y’all missed it.

I also found a great pair of Champion brand yoga pants at Target, but can’t find them online. Just know that Target is a great place to go for inexpensive activewear.

And in closing, Caroline and I went to get ice cream after school the other day. The ice cream store is right next to one of my favorite boutiques, so after she finished her ice cream I hosed her down with water from the water cooler and we went in to check out the clothes.

I was browsing around, looking at all the cool stuff, when Caroline came up and said those words every mother dreads.

“Mama, do they have a bathroom in here?”

Great.

Yes, they do have a bathroom. Caroline starts to go to the bathroom and then, in a voice loud enough for anyone within 5 miles to hear, says, “Okay Mama, I’m going to POOP!”

I bet that’s never happened to Anna Wintour.

***Edited to add: Kate defended me in the comments, but in case someone doesn’t read the comments, I have to mention that the denim skirt has a box pleat. That is not a huge slit down the front of the skirt. I repeat, it is not a slit. But I appreciate y’alls concern for my very soul if I were to wear something split right up the middle.

I didn’t really think I was going to write yet another fashion post today because I felt fairly certain something exciting would happen this weekend and I’d have something interesting to say.

Alas, that didn’t happen.

I kept waiting and waiting.

And waiting some more.

In fact, by Sunday afternoon the suspense was killing me as I wondered if anything interesting or noteworthy would happen.

It didn’t.

Well, there was that one time on Friday night when Caroline kept me awake from 11:00 until 4:00 a.m., at which point I finally had some sort of hormonal meltdown and told her that night time was not the time to cuddle, it is a time for sleep. Oh, and then there was the 3 hour nap we both took on Saturday.

So, needless to say, more fashion it is.

Unless y’all want to hear about how I slept so hard during my Saturday afternoon nap that I almost fell off the couch. Or about how the bottom shelf on the door of our refrigerator came loose, causing Bloody Mary mix to spill all over the kitchen floor.

I didn’t think so.

And since, technically, I said it was Fashion Week, there really needs to be one more day of fashion information anyway. Plus, there are still unanswered questions.

1. Alison asks: my question is…and this is a big question…when do you wear and NOT wear make-up? I drop my dd off at pre-k and see mom’s looking fantastic and i wonder if i should’ve put on that lipgloss before i ventured out of the car. what is considered ‘going out in public’? is it going to the grocery or to hobby lobby? dentist appointments for kids? HELP!!!

I know there are some women who would never even consider leaving the confines of their home without a full face of makeup.

I am not one of those women.

On the mornings Caroline has school, I am lucky to make it out the door with my shoes on and her lunchbox in my hand. To attempt to put on lipgloss just seems like a recipe for disaster.

So, here’s what I do. I wear athletic-type apparel, which causes me to appear fitness-minded as opposed to lazy. It’s really all about strategy.

And yes, there are mamas who are all decked out as they drop little Hamilton off at school, but I just look at them with disdain because, obviously, they are more concerned with looking gorgeous than with their cardiovascular health.

In turn, they look at me with disdain because, obviously, I haven’t showered in close to 24 hours.

Plus, there’s a good chance I’ll run into them in Starbucks as soon as we get the kids dropped off, which pretty much blows my cover.

“Oh, hi. I find there is nothing like drinking a grande mocha frappucino with whipped cream right before a hard workout.”

2. Karen asks: What’s the sweatsuit “alternative” for us Texas girls in the summer?

The key words in this question are sweat, Texas, and summer. It’s inevitable. And I don’t know about the rest of y’all, but there is no way I’m wearing any kind of jacket and pant combo.

Blame it on me being a child of the 70’s, but when I picture a sweatsuit alternative for summer time, I picture Chrissy Snow from “Three’s Company” wearing those short, terrycloth gym shorts with a tight t-shirt.

I hope I don’t need to get into all the reasons that outfit would be wrong. Needless to say, short, tight, terry-cloth gym shorts have gone the way of the side ponytail.

May they rest in bimbo heaven.

So, my answer to a sweatsuit alternative for summer is a cotton skirt with a t-shirt and flip-flops. It’s cute, it’s cool, and it’s casual. Throw on a denim jacket and it transitions you to fall. It gives the illusion that you’ve put some effort into your wardrobe.

And I am all about the illusion of effort. It’s the same reason I vacuum once a week. It gives the illusion that my house is cleaner than it actually is.

Smoke and mirrors, ladies. Smoke and mirrors.

3. Ashleigh asks: Okay, now, Dear Fashion Expert, more questions… what is a sweater coat?

Ashleigh, I will heart you forever for referring to me as a fashion expert, although it might make Tim Gunn cry.

As for the sweater coat, it is a delicious wardrobe piece of knit goodness. There is nothing I love more than a good sweater coat. In fact, if y’all looked in my closet there would be at least three or four of them in varying styles and colors.

Here’s a picture of a sweater coat from Nordstroms.

Here are some links to some sweater coats I love. Notice they are all from Anthropologie. I believe if you’re going to dream, dream big.

Sweater Coat 1

Sweater Coat 2

Sweater Coat 3

Give it another month and I bet you’ll be able to find a really cute one at Target. At least that’s my plan.

Unless I come into a large inheritance from an unknown relative.

4. Maggie asks: Somebody here asked if denim shorts were out, and I just can’t seem to get over it. Some classics are just that…classics! Who cares if they are in or out!

Okay, so maybe this isn’t so much a question.

Honestly, I’ve gone back and forth on this. There is a strong denim short contingent across the American public and I certainly don’t want to offend them. And yes, the denim short has re-emerged as a woman’s fashion item.

In fact, Banana Republic had some really cute long denim shorts this summer that I nearly bought, except for the fact they cost money and P needed back surgery.

It warms my heart to know that somewhere P’s neurosurgeon’s wife is wearing some really cute denim shorts that we helped pay for. Bless their hearts, they are probably just barely making ends meet.

That being said, I wouldn’t ever let P wear a pair of denim shorts. Which is saying something because I let him wear this out of the house on a fairly regular basis.

I know.

5. Alice asks: Can I get one more question in here? What about the jumper? I saw some very cute jumpers at Target, particularly a black and white plaid one that would look great with a black turtleneck and some boots. But InStyle just said that jumpers are sooo last fall and to ditch them. Then again, they were the ones who told us to wear plaid on plaid. Help!

Okay, I saw those jumpers at Target and, personally, I love them. In fact, I tried it on and really liked it, but the zipper kept getting stuck and it caused me to have a mild panic attack in the dressing room. However, barring any zipper issues, I think they could be so cute with a turtleneck, black tights and boots. Obviously, it’s not a look everyone will love, but I have always been a fan of the jumper.

Oooh! And picture it with a crisp, white shirt…oh, I forgot. Crisp, white shirts are dead to me.

See how they try to suck me back in? I need a crisp, white shirt like I need another 4 year old keeping me up at night. It’s not practical and it will lead me to tears.

And I know InStyle has some good fashion advice at times but, seriously, they lost some of their credibility when they mixed those plaids with florals. Not to mention showing those military pants circa the Michael Jackson era.

Sometimes I think the fashion powers that be get a little too full of themselves. For instance, did any of y’all see Vera Wang on Oprah last Friday?

She was schlepping her new affordable line at Kohls. (Nothing like Oprah talking about how $129.00 is SO AFFORDABLE when you know she spends more than that on her toothpaste) Anyway, they showed Vera’s new collection and then she let the viewers into her own private closet which, by the way, appeared bigger than my house. Vera was giving her fashion advice, including such gems as buy things a size larger (wrong) and wear hats (wrong again).

First, buying things a size larger will often just serve to make you appear a size larger. Maybe I don’t have my finger on the pulse of American women but, last I checked, no one was trying to look a size larger.

And it’s not that I don’t like hats, because I do. I like hats. But the ones Vera showed from her own private collection were like beanies with big, spangly things hanging off them. They looked like lampshades leftover from Studio 54.

Vera can make a wedding gown better than any other soul on earth, but girlfriend does not know a good hat.

But really, who am I to be judging hats?

My point is sometimes what works for the fashion powers that be in NEW YORK CITY, may not work for those of us in Anytown, U.S.A. So, buy that jumper. It will look darling. Plus, it’s only $19.99. You can wear it once or twice and it will be totally worth it.

Just don’t wear it with a sparkly beanie.

I still have fashion questions in my inbox, but I am exhausted from my weekend of doing absolutely nothing exciting. However, since it seems y’all have enjoyed fashion week and the completely unprofessional advice I’ve been doling out, I’ve decided Fridays at Big Mama will henceforth be known as “Fighting Fashion Faux-Pas Fridays”.

I’ll answer questions, make suggestions and share any new fashion items or bargains that I come across in my travels throughout T.J. Maxx, Nordstroms, Target and yes, even the Gap family of stores, although their online sites are the bane of my existence.

So, keep the questions coming and I’ll keep dispensing the mediocre advice.

Have a great Monday.

Who knew fashion could be so mentally draining? Honestly, I have put more thought into this last week of Fashion posts than anything else in recent memory. Which isn’t actually saying that much.

I went shopping at TJ Maxx yesterday (purely in the name of research, I am working hard and unselfishly, for you, the reader) and my arms are sore today from the amount of clothing I toted around the store.

I finally reached the dressing room with my arms loaded down with designer jeans. Paige premiums, 7 for all Mankind, Rock and Republic…an abundance of denim riches. I also picked up several shirts and sweaters along the way, along with some activewear-type apparel.

Of course at TJ Maxx there is a limit to the amount of items they allow in the dressing room.

The little old lady guarding the dressing room, with the fervor of a pitbull on steroids, informed me I could only take in 8 of my 9 items. I counted out the 8 things I wanted to take in, handed her the 9th item, and said, “I’ll just take these things in and leave this out here.” She looked at the shirt I had just handed her and said, “Well, that’s probably for the best.”

I tell you this true story of being critiqued by the dressing room monitor at a discount store to let y’all know you need to take everything I say with a large grain of salt. Obviously, not everyone agrees with my taste.

Just ask the lady at TJ Maxx.

So, the past week has brought up some reader questions, which I will do my best to answer in a thoughtful, informative, well thought out way. Or you know, completely at random.

1. Candace from Mama Mia asks: Are the boots from Target you mentioned earlier in the week too dressy to wear with dark rinse jeans and a black t-shirt?

I certainly do not think they are too dressy. I feel a sign of a good boot is that it be versatile. I think there is no better way to dress up a cute pair of jeans and a t-shirt than with some good accessories, including, but not limited to, footwear.

2. Beth asks two different questions: What about jeans with no back pockets?

My gut instinct is to say stay away from jeans with no back pockets. My thought is that then you just have all rear end and nothing to kind of break it up, so to speak. I think pockets can create booty illusions that are crucial to looking attractive in a pair of jeans.

However, I do remember girls wearing Rocky Mountain jeans in college (remember, I went to Texas A&M) and they didn’t have back pockets. Of course, the girls wearing them were about a size zero and were in no need of creating any kind of booty illusions.

Second question: And what about wearing a jean jacket with a pair of jeans? Was that only for 1988?

Why, yes. Yes it was. And unless you’re planning on starring in a remake of Back to the Future, I suggest staying away from mixing your denims.

In all seriousness, I love a good jean jacket. Once the weather cools off, I will wear mine to the point that people will wonder if it’s some sort of uniform. I am not kidding.

However, I do not wear it with other denim items. Try a denim jacket with corduroy pants, skirts, black pants, walking shorts, gauchos, or over a cute, casual dress. Or, one of my favorite casual looks is to wear a t-shirt and a denim jacket with some velour yoga-type pants.

It’s the perfect casual outfit.

3. Zoom asks: All of the models in the pictures have a disjointed hip. Does that mean that we will have to stand one foot in front of the other, with one hip up in the air to receive maxium jean wearing pleasure???

Excellent question. I would say posture is a matter of personal taste. However, if you constantly stand on one foot with one hip up in the air, it won’t really matter what kind of jeans you have on. Everyone will be too distracted by your Karate Kid-like moves.

4. Alison from All My Sunbeams asks: i went and bought 3 pairs of natural fit jeans from Kohls last fall–they’re kind of boot-cut, and they sit just below the natural waist. They have some stretch to them and look great! The only problem i have is that they start to slide down, kind of like pantyhose will–so i’m pulling them back up constantly, and they’re not big on me–they fit the way they’re suppposed to. how do i fix this?

Well Alison, I’m not sure what to tell you. I don’t know what brand they are, but it could just be that the stretch has worn out over time.

When I bought my 7 jeans, the salesgirl advised me to buy them tighter than I usually buy jeans because they would give over time. I was extremely nervous about this because, honestly, I felt a little like a cheap tart in too tight jeans. But you know what? She was right. They have definitely stretched out quite a bit. So, next time you buy jeans with stretch, you may want to consider going a size smaller than usual.

The other thing to know about stretch jeans is that the heat from the dryer can cause the stretchiness to lose some stretch. So, you may want to hang them to dry.

Now, if they fit great but just slide down, I don’t know what to tell you.

Maybe suspenders?

Oh, I’m kidding. I’d never, ever advise anyone to wear suspenders.

Unless, of course, you’re playing the role of an alien from outer space on an early 80’s television show.

5. Judy from Hearts Look Upward asks: Will you come and go shopping with me please? I really hate it and it wrecks havoc when stuff needs to be replaced. About the jeans – do you tuck the shirt in? Or not? That’s the new 60,000 dollar question.

Yes, I will go shopping with you. In fact, I would love to take a little vacation, so if you’ll send me a plane ticket, we can hit the malls.

As for the shirt tucked in or out, it’s a matter of personal taste. I cannot stand having a shirt tucked in. I haven’t tucked in a shirt since about 1992 and I like it that way. The problem with tucked in shirts is that they require belts and then it just becomes a whole other issue.

But no one will fault you for tucking in a shirt and I’m sure your mama would be very proud.

I will take my $60,000 in cash or money order.

Alright, there are more questions but I’ll save those for tomorrow, or maybe the next day, or maybe next week. Seriously, my shoulder is killing me from carrying all those clothes around yesterday. I may need to file a workman’s comp claim.

I will leave y’all with this story.

Yesterday morning I got Caroline all dressed for school. She was wearing the hot pink outfit that she ate some of the bedazzles off of earlier last month. (By the way, eating your clothes is ALWAYS a fashion don’t) I told her I was going to fix her hair in a new style, and I put part of it up with a bow and left the rest down.

She ran into the bathroom to check out her new look. She examined herself from every angle in the mirror and finally said in a deep sigh, “Oh man, people are going to tell me ALL DAY LONG how beautiful I look.”

As if the very thought of all those compliments was just wearing her out.

And that’s what fashion week is really about. It doesn’t matter what you wear or if it’s the latest and greatest style. What I’d like for each one of us is to feel that self-confident when we walk out the door every day.

My love affair with jeans started in elementary school with my first pair of Luv-its. They had ice cream cones on the pocket and they looked fabulous with my white roller skates with the lime green wheels.

Enough said.

I had another pair of favorite jeans that got ripped on my swingset. I remember my mama taking me shopping to buy a patch for them. I chose a patch with a cartoon fox and the word “FOXY” written on it. Apparently, I understood the class and elegance the right fashion can convey, even at a young age.

Once I reached junior high, I discovered Jordache and then later, Guess jeans. I can’t believe I used to wear jeans that actually zipped at the ankle to create the tightest fit ever. Nothing like creating an ice cream cone silhouette to really flatter a figure.

Denim has been a constant in my life. I love jeans. They are probably the most essential piece of my wardrobe. You can dress them up, you can dress them down, you can cut them into cut-offs and dress like Daisy Duke for Halloween. What other garment gives you those kind of options?

Not many, my friends. Not many.

So, today is the day we will discuss jeans. I have long feared this day would come. The jeans issue is fraught with danger. Everyone has their preferences and their favorites. It’s like having children, but with more passion.

With that being said, the opinions stated here are just that. Opinions. They are my personal denim beliefs. The most important thing is finding a pair of jeans that you feel good in, and if I can help even one person accomplish that, then my life will be complete.

Well, not really, but y’all get what I’m saying.

There are several denim options to choose from this season.

Let’s start with the skinny jean.

Okay, I’m done.

Stay away from the skinny jean. It is not your friend. Unless you’re 6 feet tall and weigh 82 pounds, hence the name skinny jeans.

Next up, the trouser jean. This is a jean made out of a darker rinse denim, but is cut like a trouser. I think the key to wearing these jeans is to find a pair that aren’t too loose through the leg and have front pockets that don’t jut out at a funny angle. I tried on a darling pair of trouser jeans yesterday at Target.

At least I think they are darling. They didn’t have my size, so I had to try on one size larger. But from what I could tell, they are really cute. In fact, I called Sophie and told her about them. She ran up to her Target, tried them on, and purchased them. She said they fit really great.

Best of all, they cost $27.99. Which, for those of you not fooled by Target’s clever pricing scheme, is $28.00 plus tax.

So, if y’all need to find me tomorrow I’ll be scouring all the local Targets in search of the Mossimo trouser jean in my size. Because I have my priorities straight.

Here’s the link to the trouser jean at Target. Please note that they look much cuter in person. This picture doesn’t do them justice. In fact, this picture makes them look hideous, but I feel that I must provide the information anyway.

Now, if y’all are looking for just a regular pair of jeans, the sky is the limit. However, here are a few rules you should follow.

1. If the waist of the jeans sits on your actual waist, that’s too high. The only button sitting on your real waist should be the one God and your doctor gave you when you were born.

I’m not saying you have to be all Britney and have everything hanging out, that’s not good for anyone…especially the people behind you. You can find jeans that are cut lower in the front and higher in the back, which allow you to just say no to crack.

2. If they have pleats, run away. Far, far away.

3. Women with larger bottoms should look for jeans with larger pockets. If you have a small bottom, look for smaller pockets. And do not wear a pair of jeans if the pocket placement hits you below your actual bottom. No one wants to see a bottom on the back of your thighs. It’s not a good look.

4. Darker washes are more current. They don’t have to be indigo, but you don’t really want a real faded wash either. And stay away from the dirty washes. They look dirty.

5. Remember that you can have them altered. If you find a pair that fit great through the hips and thighs, but they’re too long, have them hemmed. If you find a pair that fit your bottom, but are too big in the waist, have them taken in. Most of these alterations are minimal and can be done for $10-20. The price of your sanity is worth it.

6. If you find a pair of jeans you like, you may want to buy 2 pairs in different lengths. That way you have a pair to wear with flats or tennis shoes and another pair to wear with heels or boots.

I personally like jeans that have some sort of stitching detail on the back pockets. Maybe it goes back to my childhood days of the ice cream cone pockets, but I think a little stitching detail makes even inexpensive jeans look a little more like designer jeans.

I resisted the allure of the designer jeans for a long time. It seemed ridiculous to pay more than $100 for a pair of jeans. I searched the world over or, you know, the mall, for a pair of reasonably priced jeans. I finally found some that I loved at Abercrombie and Fitch. They were so cute, but had one fatal flaw. They were made out of denim so thin that anytime I bent at the knee, they would rip.

I returned pair after pair of these jeans to Abercrombie and they were always kind enough or stoned enough to exchange them for me. (although they couldn’t figure out why I didn’t want torn jeans) Finally, I’d had enough. I had to search elsewhere for jean fulfillment.

This quest led to my first pair of 7’s for all Mankind.

They are pricey, but they are worth every penny. And here’s how I justify spending money on jeans, I wear them almost every day. If I amortized their price over a year, they’d end up costing around 50 cents a day.

Fifty cents a day.

I spend more than that on Sour Patch kids.

They feel so good and they have just a hint of stretch. In fact, over time they mold to your body and become better and better with age. Which is good news for me because I bought my pair back when I still had a job and now that I’m on a budget, I may never own another pair.

And here’s a hint. If you have a TJ Maxx or Marshall’s anywhere near you, you can often find high-end designer jeans for about half price. You have to dig through the racks, but they are there waiting for you to discover them. Also, Ebay can be your affordable high-end designer jean friend.

Now, if you’re not as much of a jean person or just need a jean in a lower price range, I like American Eagle jeans.

They are about $30.00 and come in a variety of washes and styles. Don’t let the adolescent vibe of American Eagle frighten you, I promise the jeans are a good buy.

And trust me, you’re better off walking into American Eagle than Abercrombie these days. The stench of cologne (at least I think it’s cologne) billowing from Abercrombie will cause you to pass out before you even clear the doors.

Mossimo at Target also has a premium denim line and there are some cute styles.

And a lot of people swear by Gap jeans.

But for me personally, Gap jeans haven’t worked for me since about 1994. I don’t know what happened. I try them every year thinking maybe they’ve changed, but alas, it appears this will be a permanent separation.

Oh, and don’t forget Old Navy.

Old Navy has some decent jeans, however, I will caution y’all that the quality isn’t always the greatest, so don’t go looking for a long term jean commitment. You’re going to get about one season out of them. Don’t fall in love or you will get your heart broken.

A few last things for today.

Jeana at Days to Come asked about stretch cords. I think a cute stretch cord can be a great denim-type every day option. One of my favorite winter outfits is my camel-colored cords with a denim jacket and boots. And a shirt. I wear a shirt under the denim jacket.

And don’t forget a cute denim skirt. Kit mentioned that she has a great A-line denim skirt and I am envious. I have long been on the quest to find a good denim skirt that hits right above the knee, but it is like the mythical unicorn. It has alluded me.

Also, J. Fergie from Mama Law mentioned cargo pants as a sweatsuit alternative. Great call. I love cargo type pants. They look great paired with a hoodie or a cute t-shirt. Plus, you can wear them with flip-flops or tennis shoes. They are what you call, versatile.

I know this is a lot of information, perhaps not all of it, or even most of it useful. The quest for jeans is not to be taken lightly, ladies. Everyone knows a good pair of jeans are the key to true happiness.

Just remember, perseverance pays off. And once you stumble upon that perfect pair, you might want to buy a few pairs of them. Good jeans aren’t like streetcars, they don’t come along everyday.

And if y’all have a brand you recommend, mention it in the comments. We’ve all got to work together.

Stay tuned for tomorrow when I will address various questions and concerns that have come up in the comments this week.