Road trips

The one day road trip 2018

For those of you who have been reading this blog for, lo, these many years now, you are well aware that every summer my best friend Gulley and I load up our kids and go on a summer road trip. And we usually start planning said road trip a little after Spring Break each year. Of course I’m playing fast and loose with the word “planning”. It usually just consists of finding four to five days in our summer calendars that line up for us to get on the road.

And therein was our problem this year.

You know what no one tells you about having teenagers? They are very busy and have lives of their own. The problem is that until they are sixteen, you still have to drive them all over town so they can participate in that life.

When the kids were little, we thought our biggest obstacle to making the road trip happen as they got older would be that they may not want to spend time together and we agreed that we are like family and they’d just have to make the best of it. But we had no idea that the real problem is that teens play sports and have mandatory practices and camps and workouts and jobs. By the time we looked at our calendars and combined those things with family vacations and such, we honestly came up with ONE day that we could all get out of town together.

ONE DAY.

These kids and their busy lives are totally ruining our fun. Someday I will look back on the summer of 2018 and remember it as that time I was a cross between an Uber driver and a delivery person.

So July 26 became the date we circled on our respective calendars back in June when it became apparent that the road trip would be a one day extravaganza this year. And, even then, we had to threaten people who kept wanting to mess with July 26 because teenagers have somewhere between 0-15% respect for their mother’s sanity. July 26 is non-negotiable. Do not roll your eyes at me.

Last Thursday was the day and we had decided to float the Comal River in New Braunfels and then go eat at the Gristmill in Gruene. Normally we give the kids more input, but Gulley and I pretty much made this plan because it made the most sense and we knew they would have fun.

Gulley and her guys picked us up about 11:00 a.m. because Jackson had a football workout he didn’t want to miss and we made the short drive to New Braunfels. So, in hindsight, maybe it wasn’t so much a road trip as a day trip. Whatever.

We stopped for gas and, more importantly, gas station snacks. And some things never change because we sent those kids into the Chevron station with $20 and they came out with a pile of candy that would make Willy Wonka jealous. And I laughed later because Will got a big bag of Skittles and this picture from our very first road trip back in 2007 proves that he’s always been a Skittles man.

On a side note: I posted that picture on Instagram earlier this week and Gulley called me and said, “What was I thinking letting my three-year-old have that giant bag of Skittles? And he probably had Dr. Pepper in his sippy cup!” I told her it all worked out fine and those were desperate times. I mean look at Will’s face even with those Skittles. He was a donkey on the edge. Our motto back in those days was “DON’T ANGER IT”.

After the gas station stop, we found a Sonic so we could all get a drink and some popcorn chicken with tots because nutrition is important if you’re going to spend all afternoon on the river. It’s also important to note that the moms still drove even though Jackson has had his driver’s license for almost a year now.

Look at our babies.

I don’t even understand how they grew up so fast.

And so the road trip was different this year. No one got car sick and threw up because we were only in the car for about an hour round trip, plus we have all grown as people. There were no fights or meltdowns because we have matured. We all agreed on where to eat and shared our candy and listened to each other’s stories. And to be honest? A little part of me missed the days of someone throwing up in a plastic bag and visiting a snake farm where people think it’s a good idea to keep a Cobra in what appears to be your grandmother’s old stereo console.

I’M TOTALLY LYING. I DON’T MISS THAT AT ALL.

But here’s what I’ll tell you. I’m so thankful that Gulley and I started the tradition of taking the kids on a summer road trip eleven years ago. Yes, it was born out of desperation and boredom and just needing to do something other than try to entertain little people at the neighborhood pool, but it turns out we were building a lifetime of memories. And it has been so worth it.

Just in case you ever want to gather up your best friend and your kids and take a road trip, I wrote a little how-to guide about it several years ago. You can find that post here.
Life on the road

So, yes, we opted for a staycation for the first part of the road trip, but we are heading to Bryan/College Station this week because none of us want to have a road trip that doesn’t ultimately involve the brownies at Honey and Big’s house.

But yesterday we had another full day at the JW Marriott and had the best time. Even though Gulley and I laughed because being at a nice resort doesn’t exempt you from a slice of real life. The kids have bickered over everything from who ate all the Dots to who is going to push the button in the elevator. They’ve popped each other with towels and aired various grievances and thought it was a good idea to climb all ten flights of stairs to our hotel room. At one low point yesterday morning Gulley and I wondered if maybe next year we might be able to take a road trip sans the children.

However, there isn’t much that a lazy river and a margarita can’t fix and we all fully relaxed into our day. Gulley and I found some prime pool real estate situated right by the lazy river and with bathrooms close by and I got tickled as the day went on because I wondered if the cute young female lifeguard might be wondering why the older lady needed to go to the bathroom so many times and I wanted to tell her to enjoy her bladder while she can because she was looking at her future.

After a great lunch by the pool the kids asked if Gulley and I would ride the slides with them and so we spent the next hour or so doing that and then rode the slide that drops you into the lazy river which has all kinds of waterfalls and water spray features along the way. Caroline and I were in a double tube but she was working overtime to make sure I took the brunt of whatever water feature was up ahead. I tried to be a good sport until I realized she’d purposely parked me under a waterfall for close to two minutes. Why? Why do you want to aggravate your mother like that?

I also feel like I need to confess there may have been a point where I threatened to take everyone home and leave them there while Gulley and I went on to Bryan because I cannot deal with the arguing over minutiae.

But, ultimately, we had a great day and ended the evening sitting around looking at this year’s Aggie football schedule and making our individual predictions for the season. For posterity’s sake, I’ll tell you that Caroline, Jackson and Gulley believe we’ll go 10-2 with losses to Arkansas and LSU. I’m going with 11-1 with a loss to LSU or maybe Alabama. And Will is going with an undefeated season and even did the whip and the nae nae to accentuate his certainty. What you can know for sure is that we are all total optimists where Aggie football is concerned. We will always believe in the best until we have concrete evidence to suggest differently like losing 58-0 to Alabama.

And I just have to say that I cannot say enough nice things about the JW Marriott San Antonio. The service has been exceptional, the food is delicious and the kids have ended every evening playing soccer on the big lawn with a ton of other kids. In fact, Gulley and I sat at the Crooked Canyon bar during happy hour and ate the best ham and cheese biscuits while watching the kids run all over the lawn and hopefully burn every last vestige of energy they had left.

My only regret is that Gulley and I weren’t able to sneak away to the spa. I mean, don’t get me wrong, we thought about it. But ultimately decided that we needed to stay in the vicinity. This allowed us the opportunity to watch Will cannonball right into the lazy river and splash a group of about six women who were not amused at all and one of them remarked, “That’s not even one of our kids!”

And Gulley and I apologize deeply to those women. Both for the fact that they were splashed and the fact that we may have laughed when it happened. I realize it wasn’t an optimal situation but there is an all-adult pool on the premises where I’m guessing nobody is getting surprised by a cannonball. Also, these kids have dumbed us down as evidenced by the fact Gulley and I got on Dubsmash and laughed until we cried making videos. Sometimes it’s the little things.

So Thursday afternoon we’ll leave here and head to Honey and Big’s house for the remainder of the road trip. When it’s all said and done, we won’t have covered as many miles as we have in years past, but we’ve already made some of the best memories.

None of which involved seeing a King Cobra in a flimsy cage made out of used office furniture.

And for that we are eternally grateful.
The big apple

Well, all I can say is if you’re one of those people that loves to look at slideshows of other people’s vacations, then today is your lucky day.

Of course if you like to look at slideshows it may also mean you like to time travel back to 1984 when people still watched slides on those little carousel things. I can still hear the “CHA-CHOO” that my Nanny’s slide carousel made when you hit the remote control to advance to the next slide. Now that was technology.

Way back when Caroline was only about four years old, she began to talk about how much she wanted to go to New York. I have no idea why except that Bops used to fly to Newark for business trips all the time and brought her back a little Statue of Liberty. I guess at that moment a dream was born. A dream to see the big city.

So Mimi and Bops decided this was the year and told us way back in early September that they wanted to take us all to New York for Mimi’s birthday/early Christmas present. This works out since Mimi’s birthday is in December. P declined to go because he isn’t a fan of the big city and, also, it’s hunting season in South Texas. But Caroline and I jumped at the chance along with my sister, her husband and daughter, Sarah. They left Luke at home because he’s just three and would probably whine and cry and be bored and cold.

Which are really the same reasons that I was glad P decided not to go.

We decided we could always just photoshop them in to any important family photos we took while in New York. And that right there is why slide technology is almost obsolete.

On Wednesday morning we had a 6:55 a.m. flight. Which meant we had to be at the airport by 5:30. Which meant we had to wake up at 4:30. Which meant that I didn’t sleep at all the night before because that is what I do when I have to get up at an hour that I still consider to be the middle of the night.

We made it to the airport in plenty of time, got through security and made a necessary stop at Starbucks for caffeine. Except Caroline and Sarah had hot chocolate because kids don’t really need caffeine for extra energy. Even at 5:30 a.m.

When we arrived in Newark, a Good Times van picked us up to drive us to our hotel. (Not really, but how awesome would that have been? Maybe a brown one with a scene of a sunset on the side.) It was actually a very tasteful, roomy black van that wasn’t heated to the surface of the sun like the flight we’d just been on.

As we drove into the city we pointed out the Statue of Liberty and Brooklyn Bridge to the girls. And Caroline was fascinated by the Lincoln Tunnel even though she was sure she could see it leaking.

We made it to the city by mid-afternoon and immediately walked down to Rockefeller Center to see the Christmas tree.

I decided it was a good day to do my impersonation of a member of Fat Albert’s gang. Note to self: NICE HAT, LUCILLE.

And then we just walked up and down Fifth Avenue, looking at amazing store windows, until we realized we were all starving and needed to eat dinner.

It was 4:15 p.m.

We party like rock stars.

Or senior citizens. I can’t remember which.

But after some good Italian food, we had renewed energy and made our way to Times Square. That’s where the girls discovered the M&M store and I accidentally bought $20 worth of M&Ms because ALL THE COLORS. And then we saw Johnny Manziel’s billboard and discovered that New York isn’t like Disney World and if you take your picture with Mickey and Minnie Mouse they expect a tip.

And, finally, we went in the Toys ‘R Us store where a kid can be a kid or suffer some kind of sensory overload because they’ve been up since four in the morning and there is a FERRIS WHEEL IN THE STORE.

Caroline looked at me after we’d been there about thirty minutes and said, “Mom? My head kind of feels like blelrlsh shiflenth flvuen”. I felt like that was a sign it was time to head back to the hotel and get some sleep.

So that’s what we did.

At 7:30 p.m.

In our defense, it felt like midnight.

(On a side note, the Toys ‘R Us in Times Square is open twenty-four hours a day now through Christmas. I bet that’s just how the shepherds who visited the manger envisioned future generations commemorating the birth of our Savior.)

The next morning we were up and out early because that’s how Bops does vacations. Time is money. We went to the American Girl doll store so Sarah and Caroline could get their dolls ears pierced and hair styled. This was a precious time filled with running commentary by Bops about how the economy can’t be that bad if the American Girl doll salon still exists and wondering how you keep a straight face while you give a doll an exfoliating treatment.

But the girls loved it and the hairdresser who styled Caroline’s doll’s hair marveled at what good condition it was in. And it took everything in me to say it’s because that doll has spent its entire existence sitting virtually untouched in the playroom.

We made our way to St. Patrick’s Cathedral after that. With freshly coiffed dolls in tow.

And then walked until we got to Central Park. Where Caroline discovered the beauty of climbing every single rock in the park and causing me to hyperventilate.

Eventually I gave up the fight and climbed up there to join her. And I’m so glad I did because this may be one of my favorite pictures ever of the two of us.

We also ice skated, and by we, I mean my brother-in-law and the two girls. And I’m also playing fast and loose with the term “ice skate”. It was more an “awkward ice walk”.

Afterwards we visited Eloise at The Plaza.

Right after this we learned you’re not supposed to take your picture with Eloise.

And then we played the giant piano and visited Zoltar at FAO Schwarz. Caroline also ended up getting some kind of mini-facial from a salesgirl who told her that she needs to take good care of her skin because “most damage occurs before the age of seventeen”. And Caroline proved that she is her mother’s daughter because she was immediately ready to own the entire beauty set. This is a child who complains about having to brush her teeth so I didn’t feel bad about turning down the purchase of skin care regimen that would make Victoria Principal weep.

But she has reminded me a million times that “most skin damage occurs before the age of seventeen”. Yes. Let’s start with remembering to shower every day.

Later in the day (Are you exhausted yet? Because I am just reading all of this.) we rode the subway down to Chinatown and Little Italy. Caroline bought a cool bag, we ate some delicious homemade pasta, and made our way back to the hotel to crash.

And I think that has to be it for today because MY WORD at the lengthiness. Good news for all of you who love a good slide show. There’s a sequel.
Alligators who wear vests

Well, I didn’t mean not to post yesterday.

Which isn’t exactly true because I’m in Bryan with Gulley and the kids at Honey and Big’s house and we were too busy laughing at a random assortment of things for me to take time to focus and write. Not that I really ever focus but, you know, there’s always a first time.

This trip wasn’t originally part of our Thanksgiving week plan, but Gulley and I went to lunch last Tuesday and agreed we were both a little sad that a trip to Bryan/College Station wasn’t on our agenda because we sometimes forget that a road trip with the kids is less relaxing than a trip to Walmart on Black Friday.

Because of soccer games and football games and end of season sports parties, we weren’t going to make it in town for the Aggie game. However, we would make it in time to eat homemade soup at Honey’s and eat brownies and that made it seem worthwhile. Plus, we really wanted to take the kids to Santa’s Wonderland because we have to face the reality that they may not be that into that whole thing for too many more years.

Actually, I don’t really want to face that reality. I find denial is a lovely place this time of year because passing of time LA LA LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU.

Anyway, we left town about three on Saturday. As usual being in the car with the kids made the trip feel at least an hour longer, largely because they like to spend the last hour asking “Are we there? Are we almost there?” and ten minutes later, “ARE WE THERE YET?”

And Will always enjoys waiting until we’re about five minutes from our destination to announce “I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM SO BAD RIGHT NOW AND I CAN’T HOLD IT”. Truthfully, I think he just does it to mess with me. But I don’t want to bet the upholstery on my back seats on it so we have to pull into the DQ parking lot.

On Saturday night we stayed up late visiting with Gulley’s Aunt Diane and had the best time. Diane cooks Thanksgiving dinner and we spent some time discussing various Thanksgiving side dishes because I was a little puzzled by a few of you that mentioned noodles in Friday’s comments. I have never heard of a noodle for Thanksgiving. Now, my Me-Ma and Pa-Pa used to serve spaghetti and meatballs on Thanksgiving in addition to turkey, but they were Italian. Spaghetti and meatballs are pretty much an option at every meal.

But just a noodle? Like a plain noodle? Or an egg noodle? How does the whole noodle thing work? I don’t understand.

As for me, my favorite Thanksgiving side dish is a tie between broccoli-rice casserole and dressing with just the right amount of homemade cranberry sauce on the fork with it. I couldn’t care less about the turkey. I don’t care if it’s fried or smoked or baked or whatever. I think poultry is kind of foul. Get it? Foul?

I’m so sorry.

(I don’t really think it’s foul as much as it’s just not my favorite. But the pun worked.)

We also watched Baylor beat K-State and Stanford beat Oregon and wondered if the world was ending. Between that and the whole Hostess cupcake thing it doesn’t seem out of the realm of possibility. Although now it appears that the Twinkie may live to see another day. I have to think that all those people freaking out and buying up all the Twinkies haven’t actually eaten a Twinkie recently. Or ever.

On Sunday morning we slept late and then went to see Nena at the assisted living home. We visited and she was especially interested to hear about my visit to the eyebrow specialist. She told me she has always gotten her hair cut by only well-known hairdressers who cut famous people’s hair. (This isn’t exactly true, but she likes to say it because the woman who used to cut her hair once cut Barbara Bush’s hair.) Anyway, she’s been debating whether she should let one of the aids at the assisted living home cut her hair. Gulley and I told her she needed to feel free to say no because you can’t just trust anyone with your hair.

We also got in a discussion about marriage and she told us that she and Granddaddy had NOTHING in common, except, WELL, he really liked to eat and she likes to eat, too. Which, you don’t really hear people mention that specific commonality in premarital counseling, but it must have been enough because they were happily married for sixty-six years.

After our visit we got in the car to go eat and somehow we all started telling jokes. I don’t really know a whole lot of jokes because I usually hear them and forget them immediately. But my friend Annie Downs just finished doing thirty days worth of jokes on her blog and a few were still fresh in my mind.

I was feeling inordinately proud of myself for remembering the jokes so I asked the kids, “What do you call an alligator wearing a vest?”

Will called out from the back seat, “A PSYCHOLOGIST!”

Which, hilarious, but no.

The correct answer is an Investigator.

But Gulley and I have spent the rest of trip discussing various things going on in our lives and wondering if either of us needs to go see an alligator wearing a vest. And you have to admit that sounds so much more fun than saying you’re going to see a psychologist.

Feel free to use it for yourself.

Later that night we took the kids to Santa’s Wonderland. I’m happy to say they had a great time and still loved the fake snow and the hayride and all the lights.

They even sat on Santa’s lap and told him what they wanted for Christmas. Caroline wished for a puppy.

Thankfully, Santa was non-commital on that wish.

Because a new puppy might be enough to send me to an alligator wearing a vest.
Call me maybe

Because we are nothing if not the last ones to jump on a bandwagon.

road trip from Big Mama on Vimeo.

This was one of our road trip goals. Because we are all about being goal-oriented even in the summertime. Especially when it comes to trivial pursuits that don’t really amount to anything.

You might notice the camera work is a little shoddy. And that the horn also honks twice during the video. All I can say is it’s not easy to film a video from the driver’s seat. At least I wasn’t driving at the same time.

As for the rhythm? It’s a little questionable. And the lip-synching is reminiscent of a Godzilla movie with subtitles.

But we made a memory.
Come and take it

Gulley and I packed up the car and the kids on Tuesday morning and headed out on the open road for our annual summer road trip. Which is why I didn’t post anything last night.

Well, that and the fact that the hotel we stayed in charged $15.00 for wi-fi access and I decided that was absurd. I debated trying to write a post using my phone but, good grief, my thumbs can’t handle that kind of word count and stress.

Anyway, we left San Antonio at 10:30 on Tuesday morning. Gulley and the boys showed up at the house with chicken biscuits from Chick-fil-A because there is no point in starting off a trip without the proper nutrition.

In the weeks leading up to the trip, we debated and analyzed possible road trip destinations and couldn’t figure out the best plan of action. But then one night we were eating dinner with our friend, Leslie, and she mentioned the Flying L Ranch in Bandera. She said they had a cute water park with a lazy river that might be fun.

We looked it up on the google and decided it sounded fun. We also noticed they offered horseback riding but you know what sounds miserable in 106 degree heat? Being on a horse.

And so we told the kids about the water portion of the ranch, but neglected to mention the horseback riding because why would you ever let them know about that? It’s a recipe for heat and smells and not being able to walk the next day.

The drive to Bandera was only about an hour and, when we pulled up to the Flying L Ranch, I was concerned because all I saw was a small, rectangular pool with a small slide. However, it seemed unlikely that Leslie would suggest we drive an hour for a tiny pool with nary a river in sight. And as we turned the corner, I realized she had given us the best suggestion ever as I saw a wave pool, a river, and a giant slide.

It was perfect.

We sunscreened the kids, Gulley and I found chairs at the edge of the wave pool, and we spent the next five hours floating and eating and listening to the classic country music being piped in over the loudspeakers. We sang along to I Was Country When Country Wasn’t Cool and Gulley reminisced about the Halloween she dressed up as Barbara Mandrell. Which isn’t to be confused with the time she sang Delta Dawn in her fifth grade school program.

Eventually we’d all had enough of the sun and the water, not to mention that Caroline had a blister on her toe that she wouldn’t quit talking about, and so we got back in the car and began our journey to Austin where we planned to spend the night.

We stopped at Nutty Brown Cafe on our way into town to eat dinner and then arrived at the hotel just in time to watch the balance beam and floor routines. And I fell even more in love with Bela Karolyi as he stood in the stands and waved his hands to make sure they submitted an inquiry for Aly Raisman. Way to take charge, Bela.

And here’s an observation from the road. Our kids don’t think we’re as smart as they used to think we were. They know A LOT for people who can’t even drive. They have A LOT of opinions. And they’re LOUD. We’ve spent more than several minutes informing them that we are in charge and that we know how to get places and that we’re NOT GOING TO EAT AT APPLEBEE’S in Austin just because they’ve decided they like chain restaurants with questionable food.

Really, it’s Caroline and Jackson that are the worst offenders. But even Will got in on the action Tuesday night while we were watching the Olympics. The announcers introduced one of the competitors and Will said, “OH, I HATE AUSTRIANS.”

What? You hate Austrians?

My first thought was that perhaps he’d had a bad experience with The Sound of Music. Because that’s really the extent of my knowledge of Austria. And I’ve never heard anyone express a dislike of Austrians so I couldn’t really imagine what the problem might be.

Gulley said, “What on earth? Why do you hate Austrians?”

“Well because their country is filled with snakes and poisonous creatures.”

“First of all, I think you’re thinking of Australia. And, second of all, it’s a great place and you don’t need to hate anyone or anything. Especially when you don’t know anything about it.”, Gulley replied.

“Well it’s also where they send the people from Mexico when they’re bad.”

And that’s why we don’t really need to listen to anyone under the age of ten. Especially on matters of geography or restaurant choices.

Because then we might all be eating at Applebees and have unfounded issues with Australia.

And that’s really no good for anyone.

(Please enjoy my stellar photography.)

We spent the night at a hotel in Austin and spent yesterday at the Bob Bullock Museum of Texas History which totally exceeded my expectations. And also confirmed that I didn’t pay much attention in my seventh grade Texas History class. I’m sure it’s because I had bigger things to worry about than Santa Anna, things like what to wear with my sweet new pinstriped Guess jeans and if my purple eyeshadow was the right shade to wear with my new purple Polo because everyone knows your eye makeup and clothes need to match.

If the goal of the museum is to make people feel an even deeper sense of pride for our state, then it succeeded because Gulley and I both barely left there without buying t-shirts featuring a large cannon with “Come and Take It” written on the front.

After all that history and learning, we were ready to eat and decided the Hula Hut was the perfect spot because we knew the kids would love eating on the water. Sure enough, it was a total score because our table was right next to a real live swan and six turtles.

(They were in the water below us. Not seated next to us. I felt like that was unclear.)

And now we’ve made our way to Bryan where I’m sure there is more fun in store. Along with more “facts” and “restaurant” suggestions from the kids.

I’m also thinking tomorrow I might put on a pair of Caroline’s swim suit bottoms and re-enact Misty May and Kerri Walsh’s gold medal beach volleyball match.

But not really because that sounds even worse than riding a horse in 106 degree weather.

Or visiting Austria.